is it impossible for someone with spinal scoliosis to find a partner?

Question

i am 23 and have severe spinal scoliosis. though i am not dependant on my family and lead life like any other 'normal' human being: running, playing tennis , driving etc

though i am deformed i have a very pretty face as everyone tells me. i am an engineer and will be going for my higher education to canada this year.

a couple of months back my girlfriends introduced me to a guy and we spoke on the phone a number of times. he told me he thinks i'm very intelligent and witty. however when we met in person, after a month of talking on the phone and internet he said we can be nothing more than friends.

this has been a blow on my self esteem and i feel so low.
will i ever end up getting married?

Answer 1

Do not dwell on someone like this guy, someone who does not accept you just the way you are is not worth, hence someone who looks only the outside and not the inside can not be a good partner.

We all meet and find guys with air instead brains and we also meet guys who want us just as good friends and this fact has nothing to do with being "normal" or not, what is normal anyway, someone can also have a "perfect" body and be just a fake. It is just as when you meet a gorgeous guy and when he opens his mouth prince charming becomes a frog, or sometimes you meet a guy, who seems not to be handsome and then the frog becomes prince charming, we all have had such experiences.

You are surely a wonderful person and that is what you may never forget. Do no let you down because this time the guy was not what you expected. You will find the right person for you someday, I would bet it and then you will find out that waiting was worth. Just love your self and be your self and let things happen.

Answer 2

I had moderately severe curves (65-70 degrees each) and had a spinal fusion (now they're about 60 degrees each) when I was 13. I still have a hump in my back and always looked kind of disfigured. I'm 31 now and facing another major spinal operation for flatback (fixed sagittal imbalance), caused by the first surgery. I also now have multiple sclerosis and use a walker and a wheelchair.
My husband and I met in grad school - after the scoliosis issues, but before MS creeped into my life. We have been married 7 years and have two kids now.
The important thing is to find a guy who likes you for who you are, not for your body. Guys that only like you for your looks are shallow and not worth your time. Don't waste your life and or emotions on a relationship like that, because you deserve better. Be yourself, accept your body for what it is, and don't rush into a relationship just for the sake of getting married.
It will happen when it happens. It's normal and okay to be impatient and to worry, but just remember that you want to find someone who loves and respects you for you. Not someone who is kind of likes you but is embarrased or degrading about your body. It definately can be hard on the self-esteem. Take some time for yourself for a while and don't try too hard to actively find someone. The right person will show up when they're meant to and you will know when it happens.
Good luck with grad school!

Answer 3

Hi Sun!

My husband of seven years has Spina Bifida (L3 - L4) with moderate scoliosis. I am not an angel or saint or anything else. I just love my man.

My advice to you is to develop your soul and personality. Find out what you believe. Discover how many passions you can have. Look for how to be happy without anyone else on earth. Then your inner glow will attract many friends and loved ones...and if not, you'll be happy, anyway. If getting married is your big goal in life, I'd make some new goals. Adopt children, engineer something cool, save a whale, plant a tree. Make a list of everything you would like to accomplish. Marriage isn't an accomplishment, so it can't be on your list. You can find a loser and get married with no problem at all. Don't get married just to have done it. Get married only if you find a best friend with whom you can see making all of your life decisions.

If my husband had been all about self-pity, I wouldn't have been into him. Not to say that he has no capacity for self-pity. Don't we all? All I'm saying is to not focus on snagging a man, but on bettering yourself. No one becomes a better person simply for being married. For some people, it makes them a worse person. Be a better person who can stand alone. Nothing is more attractive.

Peace out!

Answer 4

Im 21 and I have the same exact issuse. I hope to be an engineer also e mail me. I think we could become friends. about you issue dont sell yourself short im sure you are very pretty and have a lot more to offer than just a nice bod. Im sure the man you meet will fall in love with you and your curves will not even matter, you need to find someone who is as intellegent and mature as you are. To raise your self-eteem close your eyes picture your smiling face and list all the good things about yourself and think of all the matching qualitiys you want in a man you sound like a hot find. I dont think all men think about is how sexy your spine is. I hope to hear from you.

Answer 5

Never give up! There is someone for everyone! Heck I even found some and I'm a bigger mess than a basket of kittens with a 100 meters of yarn. For the longest time I thought because I was a transperson I wouldn't find anyone. Once I learned it was possible I assumed even they wouldn't want me because of my being bipolar, schizoeffective, anxiety disorders etc...I was suprised again to find even knowing that I could still find someone- and to be honest I really don't think I'm too attractive on top of all that. While what you have just gone through can feel awful and can be ego deflating if you let it, it's not your loss- it's his. There is no way you want to be with someone that can't see you for all your positive qualities and is obviously shallow. You have so much going for you and there is someone out there for you. You can have all the relationship things you want out of life. Don't let one bozo rain on your parade. I promise there are people out there that will see you for you and make your dreams come true.

Answer 6

Don't ever give up on finding a friend you like or love. People with your condition and other disabilities have made it through life either with or without a partner. So, it is possible to find a partner, yes...if you wish. Just need to be confident and willing to try harder. If this guy who you were with, doesn't seem interested, try another guy, and keep him as a friend, if he wishes.

Answer 7

I hope it is not impossiable, I have scoliosis too although mine is mild its still noticable, its just like any other person out there if you keep looking then you may just find that special someone, just dont take ppls inability do deal with their own issues personally.

Answer 8

if someone loves you they are going to love you for you faults disabilitys and all ...just wait ...when it is your time you will meet if you do not then you remain single like a lot of women and men ,,,,,play out life wait till you meet some one or just accept the fact was not ment to be that way either way do not give up

Answer 9

It is hard for people to compromise all of their ideas of romance and sex in exchange for love. You just need to find someone who will be willing to give up the idea of sex (or at least sex in the normal sense) in order to be with you. That person exists. You just need to find him.

I hope romance finds you soon! <3

Answer 10

Its not impossible. i knew a woman who had the worse case Ive ever seen marry a very nice looking man who adored her. They were both Christians.