Love.....
Love is forever...
Like is for a moment..
Love....
Love is just aimlessly holding out your heart
to someone you care about only getting it retured in peices.
Friends.....
Friends are forever........
enimes are only friends who havent quit got there yet.
Friends are the ones who will be there for you forever,
Love is someone to hold and charish.
So as I walk through life in this clouded haze mindlessly wondering through hopeing I'm going where I need to go.
Watching the world pass me by as if I was standing in one place ,
watching the ones I love make the biggest mistakes of their lives.
Watching people get high, and watching them fly by in life then come to a sudden halt and rewind.
As i stand here a face without a smile a mask without a face,
I am fake,
But i have the world believeing that what they are seeing is real.
Nothing but a mirror image of your imagineation,
a figment nothing more nothing less.
As i enclose my self in these walls iv built,
I'v built them strong and high up to keep the world out,
to hold me inside and keep everything thing out,
I am strong but emotionaly I am weak in a battle of fists i will win without a doubt,
in a battle of emotions with my self i will lose.
Kneeling on this cliff side with arms wide open welcomeing anything and all to come get me,
trying not to fold trying to be strong, I can take this! I am strong I can pull threw,
suddenly I rise slowly makeing my way to that cliffs edge and letting my self drop off,
I thought that i could take it yet again I was wrong, continuously letting my self down.
As i fall threw the air My life flashing before my eyes like a movie without sound,
as the ground is edgeing near a feeling of tranquility floods my body as impact comes I die happy.
2007-06-07 19:50:08 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
A bit long and depro for this time of the morning...but I liked it.....
My fingers are just itching to point out the grammer and typing errors...but I will respect your request....
Try something a little happier and lighter.....it is Friday after all....
2007-06-07 19:56:16 · answer #1 · answered by missceekay 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Cheer up man! Life ain't that bad!! A lovely quote about hope. This is like my life motto.
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all
Emily Dickinson.
2007-06-08 06:39:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your writing is very bold and very touching.
You must understand that if you "put it out there" for others to read they are going to comment or criticise. Unfortunately they might not all be as complementary or constructive as you would wish. They going to say what they want to, not what you want them to.
Writing can be creative and cathartic, it is a good way to express the inner voice and get it heard. You just have to learn except how others respond.
2007-06-08 03:25:23 · answer #3 · answered by EdgeWitch 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You ask for opinion, rather than correction. Okay, here's mine: This is not a poem, despite what others say. It's an essay in verse form.
2007-06-08 08:53:19 · answer #4 · answered by Elaine P...is for Poetry 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Long, too long.....it doesn't flow well, the lines are too many different lengths. It sounds more like 2 poems mashed togther than something cohesive. I like it better as prose, try it in paragraph form.
2007-06-08 05:17:43 · answer #5 · answered by MTsBabydoll 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I didn't like it. The "poem" was way too long, and seemed all over the place.
I know you didn't want people to correct your bad grammar and spelling, but you shouldn't put something like that out for someone to critique. All it does is draws away from your writing.
2007-06-08 04:33:30 · answer #6 · answered by attitude600_9 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
As poetry it is pooorly constructed and of different styles. The subject matter is interesting, but too broadly based for good poetry. If you look at most poets you will see that they stick to one subject, often quite trite.
Also check grammer, syntax and spelling.
2007-06-08 03:40:35 · answer #7 · answered by morning star 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Not really poetry. Poorly constructed. Not very good at all. Very trite as is most of the stuff that appears here. Teens always seem to write depressing poetry especially after being dumped. It shows.
2007-06-08 03:08:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 1⤋
its sad and quite good,but i feel the theme's in a turmoil.you have mixed all your emotions into one poem.try separating them into continuous parts of one poem or into different poems.anyways i like this poem .keep writing
2007-06-08 04:36:55 · answer #9 · answered by NATALIE 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
personally it was full of over used cliches and disjointed meaningless images
2007-06-08 10:59:54 · answer #10 · answered by bec 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋