(serious response only) my husband cheated on me 2yrs ago we just got proof he father a child what should i do

Question

we have been married for 5yrs together 9, we have 3 kids, a sucessful business,a dream home together and i love him. But i'm so hurt by this all i do is cry dont go anywhere dont want to be around no one.And to make the situation even harder is the woman lied to me when i heard about it also she knew he was married and he told her he didnt want her to have the child because he didnt want her he couldnt have a child outside his home that he couldnt be a father to but she insisted that she was doing it to break up his marriage she wanted tobe with him and she knew if she did what she was doing i would leave my husband and she would be happy she won. What should i do? Our marriage has not been the same since and now that we know for sure the child is his im torn apart my mind wonders daily i cant get this out of my head no matter what i try to do this is dragging me ruining my life.It's 1thing to know your husband had another child on you but for the woman to think she can get away with r

Answer 1

I usually do not respond to questions such as yours, however due to the fact you are in a very unusual situation I will offer some things for you to think and pray about:

1) Are the two of you arguing and fighting about this? If so are your 3 children you have together able to hear this? If they are, then not only has your relationship with your husband been damaged, but also the 3 children are suffering because of the fact they are hearing the two of you argue.

2) Since it is now a fact your husband has a child with this other woman, has he made any statements as to what he wants to do about the child? i.e. spend time with his 4th child or trying to help support the child with childsupport? Because, no matter what has been said and done, the fact is the child is his and from the way you have posted your question there is no doubt about whether or not the child is his.

3) Do you have any reason to believe your husband is still spending time with this woman? Sorry to say this, but if the affair is still going on, then he can't make up his mind about which one of you he wants to be with.

4) I hate to be the one to remid you of this, but unless he was raped by the woman (which there is no indication from your post he was) then no matter what he says, he had to be the one in her bed. Since she has a child that for all appearances is his, then we know for a fact he has commited adultry.

Now with all of those things to think about, here is my turthful and honest best advice to you.

1) You are going to have to face the fact, some how or some way, your husband is going to have to put forth some effort to show you that he truly cares about you and has no desire to be with this other woman. Which in all honesty is really going to be hard for him, if he has any desire to spend any time with his 4th child. Because let's face the fact if he does have the desire to be with his 4th child by the other woman, he is going to have to see the other woman in order to see his child. I don't believe there is any way for the child to just appear somewhere for him to go pick up and meet, due to the fact at my best guess the child can only be about 2 years old. Unless there is a way for a 3rd party to get involved that is not a member of either family.

2) You seriously need to put some thought in to the fact you do not want to be outside and don't want to go anywhere, as this is an indication of a possible problem of which you may need to see a counsler about. I am stating this because in your post you state this is tearig you apart. Sorry to be the one that says this, but you also need to take your own health and mental stability into consideration here.

3) As to whether or not you let the other woman take your husband away from you. Well, let's face a serious fact here, he was the one having sex with a woman other than his wife and he was the one having sex without using a condom.

4) Not to be seriously rude about this, however, have you thought about getting tested for STDs? If not, I would seriously suggest for your own health doing so very quickly as there are many STDs out now days of which can take years to affect your health.

As you can tell from my response, I am not telling you what to do about your husbands extra material affair. However, I am giving you the same information to think about I would give to any person (male or female) that came to me in this basic situation. As you can see from my sources my experience in these types of matters.

Answer 2

I had a situation very close to yours.
One girl my husband was seeing while we were married...did everything to break us up...and she did. My husband ended up taking his pd. vacation with this home wrecker..and I packed his bags while he was gone. I found out after we divorced he had 8 other girlfriends during our 9 year marriage...now 16 years later, I found out he has another child the same age as my youngest son.
Years later I'm glad were not together...but being a single parent was no walk in the park either. It's very hard on the kids. Lot's of couples stay together for the kids..maybe you will fall back in love with him again after time?
You need to do some soul searching and decide if you can forgive and love him...and more than that trust him!
Then...can you afford to be alone if you split. Can you afford your bill's and support your children alone. Think everything through.
The other so called woman...just take heart in the fact that she could never be half the woman you are, she couldn't even find a single man, she had to try and steal one.
Thing's you do one by one, come back to you two by two...she'll get her's.
Vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord!
Last but not least...Pray to fall in love with your husband again if you stay together!

Answer 3

The damage is already done. If you don't feel there is any trust or love left in the marriage, why stay? Living a lie can only hurt ever tone involved. My advice would be to get away from the situation as quickly as you can,the sooner you move on the sooner you can build a better home fro you and your children. Obviously there are legal issues involved,so finding a good attorney is a good first step. Good Luck!

Answer 4

First, if you ever write another question that long, use correct punctuation. Toss in a period every so often to break it up.

Second, as Tammy Wynette sang, you've got to "Stand by Your Man". You reconciled with him and now you've got to do what you can do hold it together.

Tough situation--you can't control that other woman's thoughts or actions. For your own happiness, don't even try. Concentrate on rebuilding your marriage--if you can't move on, you might as well get a divorce. You've got three kids of your own to think about and your husband has four now. Seek the advice of a family lawyer, he or she can advise you of the legal ramifications of your husband's adultery.

I am sorry you are going through this and hope you know you are not alone.

Answer 5

I would do what you should have done two years ago, leave. Better yet make him leave cause he's the one who did you wrong and you keep the house and will get to raise the children. He wasnt thinking of you or your beautiful children when he was sleeping with her. He could have at least wore a condom to prevent this very incident that is killing you now. Push him out the door and start your own life without him, there are other men out there that wont run around on you and dont you deserve that much??? Anyway my theory is that if he would cheat on you once and then you take him back then he knows that you will forgive him for anything then and will keep doing it over and over again. If you stay then just blame yourself for the future hell he will be putting you through. Your the one that let's him have his cake and eat it to. Who cares if you break up because of that home-wrecker, let her have him cause she really does deserve to be cheated and mistreated.

Answer 6

Where's your husband in all of this??? Has he been apologising to you for straying? Or is he one innocent bystander in the entire scenario, while these two women slug it out over him?? I think you need to do some serious talking to this man.
If you have an issue with this other woman, where leaving your husband would mean playing into her evil hands, then DON't leave the wimp right now. Wait until she's totally out of the picture. Then take your next step. That way, you can work out for yourself whether you want to salvage this marriage, without the pressure of this other lady hanging on your head!

Answer 7

Since you have no photo (not to mention they could use a 3rd person OR wear disguises), teach her NOT to talk or go with any strangers ... period. Make sure she stays CLOSE to you at ALL times, and alert her SCHOOL, the local police (they may be able to give you the BEST advice on what to do), and never leave her unattended. Ever. Also: Wonder saw on the news 2 wks ago, a child was kidnapped by her own father BUT they enlisted others to help abduct her AND they wore disguises. Having a photo of him is not the answer, sweetie.... Teach her to NOT trust anyone. :( A sad, but necessary lesson to learn.

Answer 8

I'm sorry to hear all this. This is one of the worst feelings in the world I can imagine. I understand that you love your husband but staying with him is making you miserable and it's not healthy to live in constant turmoil. Also, think about your kids. You don't want them to see their mommy constantly depressed and crying with no desire to do anything or go anywhere. Your husband will have to support this other child he now has and now the other women will be forever involved your your lives. You have a tough decision to make. If it was me, I would never be able to forgive my husband of that. It just wouldn't be possible. I think you should start taking better care of yourself emotionally and mentally, whether you stay with him or not. Only you can make that desicion. I know you love him, but you have to love yourself more.

Answer 9

Follow your heart and let it lead you. Seek counseling- you really need it now- You need to find a mechanism to vent your feelings- or it will eat you alive. You have your life, your children's and husband's emotional and physical health to consider in deciding this. Does your husband want to remain in the marriage? If so, I think you two need to discuss this openly and work it out----The other woman is the last thing to consider- yes she has his child but she has to live with her decision to sleep w a married man and contributing to the demise of a family. This other child will now become a part of your family- are you willing to accept this reality....

Answer 10

this is not a place for u to lament. go seek professional help, maybe they can give u some worthy advice, thou i can't believe it. your husband is an adult so don't put it all on this woman only. he knew what he was doing by having unprotected sex and also he was putting u at risk - what if she had std? he is dispicable. he knew exactly what he was doing. and here is the clue - if a man doesn't want to have a child rom some woman he shouldn't have sex with her. period. so this is his own fault. and this woman isn't your mother or sister, she doesn't need to be worried about your well being. but your husband should and he didn't