Any help would be greatly appreciated!?

Question

I am 34 and 1/2 weeks pregnant and have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. And he is having a really hard time with this. He wants us to give it up for adoption. I know adoption is a great and wonderful thing and there are tons of loving families out there. But I feel in my heart thats not what I want to do. I really want to keep this sweet girl. We are both 21 years and we live together and financially stable. I am just not sure what to do. I really appreciate this website. Everyone is so great. So thanks in advance!

Answer 1

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. I do want to say that if in your heart of hearts you feel like you could not go through with the adoption, then maybe you should keep her. Tell your boyfriend this. There is no easy or magical way to say it...just tell him that this is YOUR baby that the TWO of you made...but now you have carried her for nine months and you adore this little product of your love and cannot bear to part with her forever. Make a budget of your monthly income and expenses and show him where a baby would fit in ("See that extra $1000 a month left over after all the bills? We'd only need about $200 a month for the baby...we'd still be comfortable, we could still have nice things and go out.").

You'll really have to find the root of the reason he doesn't want to keep her. Is it fear of commitment? If you've been together for 3 years and are living together, it sounds pretty serious t me...maybe he just doesn't want to admit that. Or maybe it really is the money...thats' where your budget would come in. Or maybe it's a fear he won't be a good dad (NO ONE knows what to do with their first child!). Maybe he just doesn't want the responsibility, but hey...you've got to grow up sometime. I can think of no better time for him than now.

I really hope this works out for you. I know I'd be miserable if I had to put my little boy up for adoption against my will....and I know I'd never be happy with my boyfriend again if he forced me into it. If you need ANYTHING, just someone to talk to, you can email me at [e-mail] and I'll listen and try to help.

Answer 2

Dont give her up just because he is having doubts. Since you know that YOU want to keep your baby, you would regret giving her up for adoption for the rest of your life.

You two are old enough and finaincially stable, so you can do this together. If he doesnt want to be a daddy to your child, then you will need to start making plans right away for you and your child.

Of course dont assume ANYTHING. Talk to him about it, and when the issue seems exhausted, talk some more. This is a BIG step in life, and you dont want to guess on any part of what he may be thinking, and visa versa.

When he holds that tiny precious little baby in his arms, and really feels like a father to this sweet mini human that will probably look like him, I bet he'll change his mind!

Answer 3

It is your baby too. Don't let him talk you into something you'll regret. It's not as much about being financially stable as it is about being mentally stable. Do you have patience and willpower to drag yourself out of bed? Do you drink or do drugs? If you are able to provide a loving stable home for your child with or without your bf, than keep it. Do what's best for the baby and you not what he wants you to. If he doesn't want to stay with you, don't worry about it. It will all work out and you will have a beautiful new companion. Tell him how you're feeling now, time is running out. Women deliver early all the time, what if it were tomorrow?

Answer 4

No matter what your boyfriend is feeling, it is ultimately your choice to make. Although you would like his support, you have to do what you feel is right. Otherwise, you may make a decision that you may regret. If you feel as though you want to keep this baby, convey to your boyfriend why you feel this way, and see what happens. If he truly cares and loves you, he will find a way to see things from your point of vies, and hopefully discover the joy of being a father. I had my first at 22, and will never regret it. If it's the age thing, let him know that life changes in a good way. If he's not down with everything, you may need to make some tough decisions. Go with your heart.

Answer 5

Don't let your boyfriend's decision influence yours. If you want to keep your child, keep it. Imagine walking down the street one day and seeing a child that looks like you, wondering is he/she yours. Is he/she happy and treated right. This is a life that you two created out of an act of love together. You two can do this. My husband and I thought about adoption when we got pregnant at age 17 (she's nine now). We decided against it but that was the right decision for us and our child. If you honestly think adoption is best for your child than do it. But if you would love it and raise it and always be there for it then how could it be best?

Answer 6

If you feel in your heart that you should have this baby, then you should. Children are God's greatest gift & I will be eternally grateful I have been blessed with mine.I couldn't imagine giving up a baby, and never knowing where they are or how they are.

I would tell him you are going to have this child with or without him. If he is man enough to stick with you and be a father then great. If he bails out, then you deserve a better man! Either way he will have to financialy provide for the child.

Follow your heart hon. Everything will work out for the best. Good luck!

Answer 7

i personally would keep it. but this is a decision you have to make on your own. i know if i was in your situation, i would definately want to keep forever what i carried around and bonded with over the past 9 months! you werent chosen to become the pregnant one for nothing, theres definately a special bond between you and your baby girl before shes even born! can you imagine giving her to someone else and knowing that someone else out there is bonding with her like you could be? i dont know if im sounding rude or anything, but i guess (im a mother to be as well) so i can imagine how you would feel after carring her for 9 months, thats all, best of luck with your decision hun!! whichever you two choose, im sure its for the best! BEST OF LUCK!!

Answer 8

I had a child at a very young age (15) and she is now 15 herself, Even at such a young age i couldn't imagine my life now had i given her up. I say if you can financially take care of her then go for it with or without Him. Sounds to me like maybe he's just not ready and he should have thought about that 35 weeks ago. I have been trying to conceive again for the last four years and have had no luck. Take it as a blessing and do what your heart tells you. Good luck to you and your little one!!

Answer 9

if you really love your baby don't give it up i couldn't you have been caring your baby for nearly 9 months it will hurt alot and who cares what your boyfriend thinks he should have been more careful both of you should have i had my first when i was 18 i have 2 kids a boy and a girl and am pregnant with my third i didn't want to have another one but i didn't want an abortion either so i am going to have my baby and be happy it is stressful but you get over it.If i where you think about this really hard and if your boyfriend splits up with you then its his loss not yours well good luck with it all.

Answer 10

I'm so sorry for your difficult situation. But I have to say, if even before you see her and hold her you know you want this baby, it will absolutely tear your heart into pieces to give her up. A mother's love for her child is amazingly strong, and it's obvious you already feel that love. Explain your feelings to your boyfriend, be strong and follow your heart, and then trust that things will work out as they should - whether it's with him or without him.