We're n ot ready for our baby, tips please?

Question

Im turning 21 in August and my boyfriend and I got pregnant. We are moving out of our apartment and in with my parents this weekend. Not only am I NOT ready to be pregnant but im NOT ready to have a child. I can do parenting and say yes or no but im NOT ready to have a child that needs to be taken care of every minute of everyday.


We are not ready for a baby. What should be my BIGGEST concern other than health? OTHER than health?? Have a appropriate vehicle, saving to MOVE into our own place, whats the biggest priority until the babies born?

Adoption isn't a concern to me or an option to me one bit. My dad is a doctor and makes quite a bit of money. We are going to save up and do our best and I am going to finish college.


If my parents weren't well off I might consider adoption but I come from a rich family and thats really not something I could see myself doing when I have so many people willing to help me.

Answer 1

Your biggest concern should be making arrangments to put the baby up for adoption. Perhaps you could have an open adoption and start getting to know the couple that will care for the baby.

Right after that is to stop having sex and stop living with your boyfriend. Wait until marriage for sex and babies.

Answer 2

First of all, if you have sex, expect that pregnancy can happen. I got pregnant with my first child at 17 and was thinking I wouldn't get pregnant, but I was wrong. I asked my family for advice and help. I also read some books about my pregnancy and went to a birthing class. Parenting is not easy, you learn as you go, with the first one. I am pregnant with my third child at 24 years old, and I'm still not quite sure I have this parenting thing down. I hear from people older than you that actually planned to have a baby, but still said they weren't quite ready when the baby came. You have to keep and open mind. If your parents are willing to let you stay for a while, then stay and let them help you if they offer. I lived with my parents when I had my son and it was a big help. When the baby is a little older( 6- 8 months) you may want to start looking for a place to live. You probably should try to have a vehicle of your own incase you need to go to the store or have an emergency when no one else is around. Good luck and hang in there. You can and will get through this.

Answer 3

Given baby is coming, you have 2 choices . . . either you raise the baby or you find a wonderful family that would love to adopt your baby. Adoption is a wonderful alternative if you really feel unable to raise the baby.

As a mother of 3 under 3 (I am 22 and have been married since I was 18), I really believe raising children is the most wonderful blessing in the world. Your life will change dramatically, and I'm glad you are able to see that. It might be a good idea to stay living with your parents after the baby comes (if your parents are okay with that and you and your parents have a good relationship). Moms help out more than you would ever guess.

Making good choices, financially, healthwise, and relationship wise with your boyfriend are all important. I would suggest finding a good OB GYN or midwife (a midwife will offer excellent third party advice that an OB cannot as usually midwives will become emotionally involved with your pregnancy and that is a blessing).

Financially, you can make having a baby the most expensive adventure you will ever take, or you can do it frugally. If you have a low enough income, you should be able to qualify for Medicaid as a single mother and get on WIC. Babies need so much less than parenting magazines will make you believe :)

Good luck - I pray all works out for you both.

Answer 4

I am guessing that you have already considered adoption and decided that it is not right for you.

If that is the case, and you are concerned about being able to care for the child, I would talk to family members and see if you can get some support in caring for the baby. Maybe your parents, your boyfriend's parents, siblings, etc., would be willing to sign up for a day or two a month so that you can make time for yourself.

Another thing - I don't think anyone is ever "ready" for a child. They come along, and we do our best. You'll do fine. Good luck.

Answer 5

My husband and i aslo got pregnant out of the blue (he was my bf at the time) we also moved in with my mom. but we got our own place before the baby came. I was 22.
My life went from going out every night, to renting movies :P

The biggest challenge when theres an unplanned new born in the house, is stress. you will go from sleeping and doing whatever you want, to being on call for 24hrs a day. You need to find the best way to adjust to that so you dont stay in a permenatly bad mood. The stress of it also puts a strain on your relationship. If i could go back and start over, i would just be a lot calmer.. and go with the flow. The baby will tell you when hes hungry or sleepy etc. And your maternal instincts will kick in too. Even though you feel you arent ready, this is the most amazing thing you will ever experience in your whole life.

I would say your biggest priority at the moment would be to grow your savings as much as possible, its not exteremely expensive, but if something happens, like the car breaking, or a loss of a job.. you will need it. Try to be a secure as you possibly can.

And dont stress too much, the newborns are a lot easier than you think. Once you get comfortable caring for him, its not so bad because at that age they sleep most of the day and night, wake up for feedings and burping.

I wish the best of luck to you, everything will be fine.

Answer 6

You should have thought about NOT being ready to have a baby before you had sex. That's just a consequence that comes along with having sex. You're an adult so you're going to have to act like one. Parenting is hard, the hardest thing you will ever do, but it's also the greatest thing you will ever do. The biggest priority until the baby is born is buying things that you will need for it. Clothes, diapers, wipes, bottles (if no breastfeeding), etc. Don't stress out too much though, that's not good for the baby. Whatever happens, I wish you and your boyfriend the best of luck. Congrats.

Answer 7

Hey, congratulations on your child! First of all, every woman who is pregnant--financially ready or not---feels the same concerns that you are feeling right now! I did. I was so worried that I wouldn't have enough or be able to do enough, or know what to do! It turns out that parenting and motherhood come completely naturally... This'll sound crazy, but haven't you ever seen a cat give birth to kittens. After the babies are born, she knows to lick them to get them stimulated and she knows to let them suck on her nipples. It's completely natural. You'll do much better than you feel!

Now, there is also the option of adoption if you really feel that you cannot do this. There are many great adoption agencies and wonderful parents who have only ever wanted to be parents all of their lives. If you choose open adoption, then you can be involved in your child's life.

Until my daughter was born, the biggest priority was keeping my body healthy and going to my regularly scheduled exams. After that, it was just generally getting everything ready for her arrival, getting the bassinet, clothes, diapers, car seat, etc. I breastfeed my daughter, so I never had to worry about bottles or formula, which was great!!! I just did what was natural and what came natural to me.

Hope this helped.

Gus

Answer 8

i think your biggest priority should be getting yourself ready

you don;t need to much for the first while if you can get one of your friends or your mother to throw you a baby shower that will help a ton probably provide you with everything you need for the first while but you need to try and get your self ready read up, what to expect when your expecting and what to expect the first yr are great books and let you know what your in for if you aren;t ready to be with your child every moment of the day start lining up help now see if your mother and mother in law will take the child ocationally or even once a week for a couple hours this means though that you will probably have to formula feed breast feeding is great i did it with my first now 2 and i am with my second 1 1/2 months it is a really great bond and way easier once you get through the initial bit of roughness and pain and way less money but if you already feel like you are going to be trapped then i don't want you to get depressed but i still think you should consider it i was ready for my children and i am also on the younger side but i think if i wasn;t ready it might have changed the moment my son came you can even explain the great feelings you feel the second you see your child for the first time you may not want to let he/she go to the grandmas

also having a vehicle will help if you feel like you might feel trapped it gives you the oportunity to escape and go shopping etc with or without baby at least your out and i would definitly move into your own place it might be nice for you to live with your mother for a bit to get used to having a baby but if i were you i wouldn;t stay too long everyone i know that has done this has ended up frusterated with their parents bc they sort of take over bc you are still their baby and eventually when it comes to your child being a bit older then you come to problems where your parents may over step their bounds by disaplining your child

make sure you feel suported through everything and make sure your ready maybe watch some bringing home baby lol

Answer 9

Honestly, I feel taking care of yourself. You need to do this so that your baby will not be affected in a bad way. Even if you feel right now, you don't want this child, you are going to have one. Be strong and let it all flow naturally. Try to stay as happy as you can and try not to worry. Reach out like you are now and to others around you. Support in this way will ease your mind more. Yes, you did have sex and got the surprise of being pregnant but you need to try to remember that this was not the babies plan either. Your baby, as hard as it is right now, is a gift. Trust me; if you allow it to, your life will only get better. No one ever feels truly ready when having a child; planned or not. It is scary, but all in all it is a miracle of many things.

Answer 10

Some people are ready to have kids early in the life and some people are not. Some moms can't afford to have a child early in life you are not the only one. If you really don't want the child you should have used protection then you wouldn't be in the mess in the first place. That decision is really up to you. If I was you and I didn't think I could afford the child I would ask one of my family members to adopt my child until I felt I could take care of the baby and I got on my two feet. Well Good luck. When you have the baby you might want to have the baby spite the fact that you can't afford the baby.

Answer 11

Have you seriously considered adoption. There are some wonderful people out there that would love to be a parent to your child. There are a variety of adoption types. Sometimes you can still remain a very active part in our childs life without actually having to do the day to day raising of that child.
It would free you of this current responsibility until you are ready to be a parent one day. The you could start a family on your terms.