Perry, despite being a young officer, took on the British and won, thus proving his brilliant tactics, intelligence, and will power to rise above and win the battle despite all odds.
Is that good
2007-06-07 13:01:13 · 5 answers · asked by Pablo 4 in Education & Reference ➔ Homework Help
tthats really good but you might want to state the person's full name in your thesis statement
2007-06-07 13:04:49 · answer #1 · answered by miss.a 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a very good thesis statement. It provides a short summary of what you will be writing about throughout the paper.
Perry, despite his rank as a young officer, took on British forces and won, thus proving his brilliant tactics, intelligence, and the willpower it took for one man to rise above the rest and win the battle with all the odds against him.
^^ thats just a different way to say it
2007-06-07 20:07:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think I would change young to lack of experience
drop the brilliant tactics - that goes with study
and concentrate on the intelligence, hard work (that is were the study comes in) and will power
The rest I like a lot - I would also agree about using the full name.
2007-06-07 20:09:26 · answer #3 · answered by oldhippypaul 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree, you need to put Perry's full name. That is a very good thesis, at least as far as I'm concerned, but I'm only in 8th grade and have only done one
2007-06-07 20:07:13 · answer #4 · answered by Sara B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Rise above" is redundant. Rise means to go up. And above WHAT is he rising? The sentence is also too long and rambling. I'm sure someone will rewrite it for you, by before you read their submission, why not try it again and then check back? Good luck.
2007-06-07 20:06:26 · answer #5 · answered by Elaine P...is for Poetry 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋