I am having a disagreement with my fiance about kids at the wedding.?

Question

My fiancé and I have been having a disagreement about young children at the wedding and his mother is starting to get involved. I don't want children to ruin our wedding ceremony. I have been to too many weddings where children are crying and the parents don't want to take them out. I asked him about having a nursery and he said no, I think it was more his mother. He wants children because his step sister has two young ones and he wants them to be there. I told him that they won’t even remember it, but he said he doesn't care. What do I do???

Answer 1

It is completely understandable to have no kids at the wedding. A lot of people do this and most people understand why. If you talk to your fiance about your reasons he should be open to it. But be sure to make no exceptions to the no kids rule, my cousins got married 14 years ago and said no kids but then allowed the flower girl and her brother to stay and some people still don't talk to them because of it!
I know it is not realistic to break up over it, but you should make sure before you marry that his mom does not pull all of the strings, that would certainly not be good.
And FYI, just because she doesn't want kids at her wedding does not mean she does not like kids, I personally love them but do not want them at my wedding either. They get bored too easily and then cause a disturbance.

Answer 2

You are right.
A wedding is a formal, usually evening, occassion - not aplace for children. And yes, they can ruin a wedding ceremony, easily.

For the sake of the future of the relationship and the wedding, have a talk with your mother in law. Tell her nicely that she should stay out of your business. She's had her own wedding day and now this is yours. Don't budge on this decision you have made. If your husband trully wants children there then maybe they can come to the reception (even though they should be in bed). But if he is feeling pressured by his mother, this is all wrong. He needs to change that way of thinking now before it ruins your relationship in the future. You think she's only gonna want to butt into your business for the wedding day, no no no, she's gonna be stickin' her nose into every little aspect of your lives and you are going to hate your husband for not putting her in her place.

Take a stand now.

Answer 3

I am currently planning a wedding as well. My fiancee and I have similar disagreements. As a woman I tend to take charge with the colors and theme, I often get lost in the shopping aspect of it and forget its not a shopping occasion for me, its for us. Maybe explain to her that you want her to be happy and have an amazing wedding, but you feel a bit left out with her making decisions without you. This is supposed to be a wonderful day for you both, but it's becoming more of a chore, than fun to plan with you dishing out all of this money, and having no say so. Can you two compromise on two colors? Maybe a pink and blue or fuchsia and teal? If you cannot settle on one or the other, then I say you both leave the pink and blue issue alone and choose two totally different colors. Good Luck and Congratulations!!

Answer 4

I am getting married and also in the same situation.

I know a wedding is a "union" between two people, but this is YOUR WEDDING DAY! Everyone knows that when a couple gets married, it's a day for the bride. It one of the biggest days in a women's life! It's has nothing to do with how strong your relationship is or will be, couples disagree all the time. The fact is, no one likes to see kids running around and or screaming! Most parents seem to ignore this craziness, parents need to know not everyone thinks your kids are CUTE!

I am fortunate that my soon to be mother-in-law does not live in the same state, my mom however sounds a lot like your soon to be mother-in-law. I know it's hard, but it's your wedding and you have to let her know (nicely)!

Here's my plan:

The kids that I plan on having in my wedding, will stay and eat but once the party starts they have got to go! However, we have guest who are bringing their kids. I originally looked into hiring a "on site babysitter" but it's not my responsibility to pay for a babysitter for someones kid!

So for the guest who are bringing their kids, I hope they have taught them some manners! If not, they are going to hear from me! If my day is going to be ruined, it will be because of something I did, not anyone else.


ENJOY YOUR DAY!!

Answer 5

Out of trying to be nice and respectful I allowed my hubby's nieces and nephews at our wedding, and my mother-in-law took over decoration and inviting when I told her she could help. Long story short, me and the in-laws got into a huge fight before the wedding, and the unruly brats destroyed the reception. Thankfully his brother-in-law had the decency to take them out during the ceremony. I should have listened to my hubby and just got married at the courthouse. Unruly children do not belong at most public places, especially not at anything formal.
If he is determined to have them there, then have him let the step-sister know that you want her to take them out the moment they act up. If you have to let him have his way, lay down some rules. That is going to be YOUR day, not his, and definitely not everyone else's. I wish you the best of luck, and a better wedding than I had!

Answer 6

I agree about small children at a wedding, if it is a big one. Children do get restless after all they are children and really don't realize that a wedding is going on. It's according to their age also. Some older children can sit for long period of time, but this is your day and if you choose not to have small children there then don't. To the first one who answered, I don't believe she is saying she doesn't like children, like her I have been to weddings and you couldn't hear over the whinning and shuffling in the seats.

Answer 7

You have every right to not want children to disturb your wedding. Maybe you could compromise by allowing them to come to the reception if you could work it out. Otherwise children should stay at home. I specifically asked for no children at my wedding and it is the first where there was no crying.

Answer 8

Tell his mother to stuff it. It's YOUR wedding, not hers. (But tell her to stuff it RESPECTFULLY.)

My wedding was wonderful except for one little thing: the crying child on the back row. This can be heard on the video.

I agree: no YOUNG children. Babies have no business being at weddings unless they are part of the ceremony. They shouldn't be taken to funerals either.

And, disagreements are a part of life. Know that NOW.

Answer 9

call it off
i do not blame you on no kids
they are restless
and the will screw up a wedding
though some people like the children are life mentality and if they scream they scream
it all depends on your philosphy
BTW
his mother's meddling is not a good thing
it's your wedding ( and subsequent divorce.. )
when my friends got married they accepted money with the catch that tyhose who donated ( parents, relatives ) had NO say in the what, where and why of the wedding
a mother's meddling now will mean much more later
especially when you have a kids
then you will not be albe to get rid of her

Answer 10

I agree that children should not be at the wedding. Maybe you can allow the sil's kids but no one elses and stipulate that that can be at the ceremony but not at the reception. The parents are going to be busy having fun and not watching over their kids....with the mil thing, if she is in your business now, beware cause i have crazy, medelling mil now and i have been married for 7yrs and it just seems to get worse..