What do i do about this situation?

Question

my wife has emotional problems. she left about a month ago. a few days after she left she emailed me and said that she wanted a divorce, all this stuff out of the house, and she was moving out over memorial day. I told her no she can't have this or that and that day didn't work for me. Since then, I haven't heard one word out of her in 3 weeks. only thing she's been doing is purposely showing up in places that she knows i go and the times i go. it's totally weird. i haven't heard a word from her....not one. i've also checked our joint bank account where i took money out and left the rest for her. it still has my name and she's been doing nothing. no money taken out for a apartment, no money going to an attorney, no money where she's doing anything except going to the grocery store and buying wine....a bottle a day. It's bizarre. i'm just kicking back but it's starting to freak me out. What does her behavior suggest?

forgot to mention she is living at her brothers across town with her daughter who she gave my last name. also she brings her daughter over next door to get dropped off and ride the bus to school with the neighbors little girl. seems cruel to me that the little girl has to see the only father she ever had and the house she can't go in. she's just over at her brother's drinking a lot of wine and being in my face but no contact. it's like a big game and i'm done with games. if she wants to see me, she needs to do the work. she left me. i'm not chasing her. she loves that. i know her. if you chase a woman it never works. i want mutual respect. if she wants to talk, I'll talk. otherwise, she better get a good attorney.

Answer 1

Here is my post from your other questions. You need to take a good long look in the mirror.

Look at all your posts!!! Are you sure that you are not manic? We have no idea about your wife, you describe her as a narcissist, borderline personality, depressed and so forth. It sounds like you are not taking responsibility for your own part in this break up.

I think your feelings are very understandable. I am much more worried about you than her. Why don't you get a lawyer? Why don't you get your mail forwarded to a PO box for safety for now? She probably just forwarded her mail and you felt very suspicious. I went through a sort of break up with a business partner who was also a close friend and one of my therapists, talk about poor boundaries. This woman claimed to have been treated for BPD but she wasn't borderline, she was a psychopath. First thing she cleaned out the bank account, then she forwarded the mail, including my mail to another PO box, then she changed the locks on the doors of the office where both our names were on the lease. Then she sent me a pseudo-legal offer of some money to basically sign everything over to her but still I had all the liability for her actions. I cannot even speak about the stalking in public. To cut the story short, we settled over a year later and she paid me all the money that she agreed to, as well as relieving me of the liability for her actions. I did not pay her a dime, and she still got away with thousands and thousands. Our children were friends and had to be in the same class together so they were very much hurt too. It was almost as ugly as a divorce. That's personality disordered.

Your wife is not doing these things. You can contact her by asking her brother to set up a meeting if you want to talk. Communication has broken down. I'd be furious at you too if you manhandled me in front of the kids, only I'd call the cops. You need to make a grown up move to open communication again. You are obviously in a lot of pain and I'll bet your wife is too.

I feel for you, but you need to grow up and treat her better, not malign her on Yahoo answers. If she hasn't got a lawyer yet, I suggest family therapy, not to stay together, but for an emotionally safer break-up. There are three kids to consider here. What you should look for is a licensed marriage and family therapist, they can be social workers, counselors or psychologists.

If you insist on talking about your problems on Answers, try making "I" statements and talking about your feelings instead of attacking her. Trust me, this is exactly what therapists have women do in group therapy when they are recovering from the terrible emotional things men do to women. Try it, it works. Good Luck and go hug your kids.

Answer 2

It sounds like she is suffering from a mental illness such as manaic depression or bipolar disorder. Individuals suffering from these problems have ups and downs. Some days they feel like they're on top of the world, and a few days later they feel like it's the end of the world. There are medications that effectively treat these disorders if the individual can be persuaded to continuously take the medication. However, I'm not a psychologist, so maybe she has other emotional problems.

Regardless of the diagnosis, she needs help. Call her family as someone else suggested and let them know that you're worried about her and she won't talk to you. It can be difficult to be in a relationship with someone who suffers from such emotional issues. Considering she actually asked for a divorce, you can certainly leave her on good conscience if you don't want to put yourself through that anymore.

Answer 3

GOOD GOD!!! THERE'S EIGHT FULL PAGES OF QUESTIONS YOU CONTINUALLY POST ABOUT THIS ....

This what? Novella?

Looking at alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll the questions you've posed in the last day regarding this situation....


Get your story straight. I'll help you.

A) You and your wife decided to abort your baby. "She" got an abortion. Dude, when you're a married couple, you both get an abortion.

B) She freaked. You freaked. You got physical. You, of course, are not to blame that you "had" to physically handle her rather than remove the kids for a while.

C) She packed and left. She e-mailed that she wanted a divorce. She has not since followed through. You have done an equal amount of nothing.

D) She went to her brother's house. She has not emptied out your bank accounts -- a narcissist would, you know. They'd deserve everything.

E) She drops her daughter off at the house next door so she can catch the school bus every morning with her friend and classmate.

F) She waits at a convenience store every morning. You ignore her and drive on by while complaining that you've had no contact. You continue to choose daily not to make contact.

E) In ten posts, you've done nothing but trash her. Abortions, DWI's, drinking problems, mentally ill, broken relationships, multiple fathers for her daughter...ad nauseum.

F) In ten posts, you've done nothing but tell us what a stand up guy you are. Taking care of the kids, "cleaning up all her messes" The two that are left, buddy, are YOUR kids.

G) You said that you'd "given your name" to "her" daughter, but you never refer to the child as "our" daughter or "my" daughter.

H) You "exposed" her and now you want to "destroy" her.

I) You've relentlessly hounded everyone's attention. Post after post after post in the Question section. Day after day after day.


How pathetic are you?


One of you is the narcissist. Looks like the pot calling the kettle black.

Answer 4

Did she leave angry? Women are usually more emotional than men and some women only know how to deal with that by running. She sounds like she still wants to be with you in that she is trying to make you miss her by showing up where you are. I would try to get in touch with her and let her know you would like to meet and talk out the details of what is next whether she is serious about a divorce and if so how things will work towards that or if she wants to stay together. if you do want to stay together get some counseling about how to argue and make it a rule that if you guys are together than here will be no more running away.

Answer 5

It sounds as if she does not want a divorce maybe she is depressed and she needs help. Go bye and talk to her tell her you are worried about her maybe seek a counselor and talk Thur this u obviously still have feeling for her and from her behavior I think she has feeling for you

Answer 6

She is staying with her new bf or family and figuring out what to do.

YOu should close the joint account (removing your name) and credit cards so you won't be stuck with surprises.

YOur life will be much easier if you don't try to figure out what women do with emotions. There is no logic in it.

Answer 7

It's typical for a woman to want to be in her ex's space for a while because she feels scorned. Other than that, just watch how things go and ask questions when you have more info.

Answer 8

Does she have an actual diagnosis? Sounds like something is really wrong with her. Call her family and tell them, if they will listen. Since she won't talk to you, there is only so much you can do for her.

Answer 9

Another man paying her way through life? I suggest finding a way to talk to her... find out whats going on. If she truly wants to break it off... go ahead and let her go. Don't let her have your money. She is the one that chose to leave.

Answer 10

Do you think she is having an affair? She would be spending a lot of money if she was with someone... I would probably do some Private Eye investigation... Good Luck