I went to lunch with someone I dated well over a decade ago (T). It didn't work out--we're friends, my husband thinks he's great and I just met his new live-in. We were at lunch, and going back and forth, "how's the job", "how are the kids" etc...and I asked T if his SO was ok with us going to lunch (my hubby's cool with it). He looked me dead in the eye and said "she has to be, because *we* (T and I) are who we are, we are friends, and if there is a problem, it's her problem. We, you and I, are not going to stop being friends. We dated, it's a fact, we've moved on and we are comfortable with our (T and my) relationship. It is her problem, if she has one". They have been together almost 1 year...how would you take that being said to you? What if you were his SO?
2007-06-07 10:22:03 · 24 answers · asked by Jen-Jen 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I should add she's been cheated on before...I want them both to be happy....I'm happy with who I married--I just want the same happiness for them as well....
2007-06-07 10:35:28 · update #1
She knows we meet occasionally for lunch....they just bought some furniture from my hubby! LOL!
2007-06-07 10:37:37 · update #2
He just means that he wants to be friends with you and he will be even if shes not cool with it. He wants to be friends with you no matter who doesnt want you guys to hang out together.
2007-06-07 10:26:24 · answer #1 · answered by no one 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Since you were dating at one time, it doesn't stop from been Friends ,but now you are both married and I really think that you and he should include your better halves into these lunches and get together , things have changed now !so next time that you plan a get together, you should both go with your partners ,this way you will all enjoy each other's company.
If you are asking us this means that you are not very comfortable with the idea , so play safe and you will avoid problems in the long run!
2007-06-07 17:38:37 · answer #2 · answered by bornfree 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds cold and indifferent when said this way, but if he chooses his friends and that's the way a SO he has will have to accept things, it's better he has this mindset. (You can't give up friends or be someone you're not to please your mate, you'll both suffer in the long run.) He could word it a little more sensitively though, and show his SO the respect enough to talk it over with her BEFORE the lunch, so he'd even be aware of her feelings. Kind of disrespectful to her if you ask me, or maybe she's actually the boss and he's over compensating by acting macho about it. I wouldn''t worry too much, his SO is a big girl. Just be nice try to get to know her if you ever meet.
2007-06-07 17:31:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems as though all he was saying is she shouldn't be threatened because the two of you have moved on and are now friends. You are married now, so if I was his SO, I wouldn't have a problem with you guys having lunch. From your description, it doesn't sound like he gave you an answer about how his SO really feels, which may mean that she was angry, but he doesn't really care because the two of you are just friends. I wouldn't worry about it, unless your friendship starts to impact his relationship in a negative way.
2007-06-07 17:28:31 · answer #4 · answered by jerseygal79 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Although, he seems to be a loyal friend to you, he doesn't seem to give the same respect and care to the woman that he is now with. It seems like you are the most important thing to him.
From the way that he is saying it, it doesn't seem like his new woman appreciates you all's relationship.
Maybe, he should let you and the new woman meet, and it may make her seem more comfortable. Or why don't all 4 of you all go out on dates, rather just you and him.
I would be concerned too, if I was the other woman and I was never invited along.
Put yourself in her shoes for a minute.
2007-06-07 17:31:29 · answer #5 · answered by Ms Brown Eyez 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First of all, what is a SO? Secondly, I'm the kind of person that I don't get jelous and I look at it from the other woman's point of view. I would definately understand if she felt jelous and wanted me to back off. But maybe you should talk to her about it. Make her feel comfortable, and understand that you aren't after him anymore. It's a past relationship that happened to become a friendly relationship. I wish my husband would be that friendly, but he isn't. LOL!
2007-06-07 17:30:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow. It sounds like his SO has a problem. :/ If I were her, I wouldn't have a problem, but maybe she has relationship insecurities. I suggest asking T if he knows of any insecurities his SO has about your relationship. If there are some, you should confront her, and ask her if she understood that you and T were just friends. If she said yes, leave the problem alone-if she's unwilling to confront it, she probably doesn't think very strongly of it-otherwise, she'd try to change it. If she says no, talk to her about your friendship.
2007-06-07 17:33:03 · answer #7 · answered by Starzzz 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would take it that you and T are just friends. I know that I am friends with past guys I have dated. It depends on each person. Some people are so insecure that it is not ok with them that their significant other even talks about the ex.
I know that my boyfriend has friends that are females and I trust him fully. He knows I have friends. I would never ask my boyfriend to give up his friendship with another. I would be the one with the problem, not him. He and her were friends before I met, and that is fine with me. I would take it just as that.
2007-06-07 17:27:28 · answer #8 · answered by Stephanie F 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
some people feel that they have the right to be friend with someone no matter how the other person feels, especially if they have known the friend a lot longer. however, having no regard for her feelings isn't nice. but you two are friends, you are married, and there is nothing evil trying to happen here, so i guess if it bothered her it would be her problem.
2007-06-07 17:27:17 · answer #9 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Id agree. I would never date someone that they couldnt accept that I have a friendship with an ex. I mean, not only does that show there controlling and insecure, but it shows that they arent smart enough to understand its really good because then you know you dont have any feelings for the person anymore.
Id say exactly what he said. If she cant handle it, why be on a leash the rest of your life?
2007-06-07 17:26:04 · answer #10 · answered by Adam 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Jen-Jen, it sounds to me like he is a better friend than boyfriend, really, he doesn't sound SO great to me, I would hate it if my husband or live in were to say that to another woman........ANY other woman, let alone one he was involved with. I know I am going on too much but I honestly wouldn't "do" lunch with him anymore because it sounds like he is having some problems with his woman and is using you as fodder, if you will, fuel for his fire.......JMO.......you sound like you have a great relationship, I would not see this "great guy" any more. Beware!!!
2007-06-07 17:29:28 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋