divorced dads do you pay "extra" for things that should be covered under "child support"?

Question

What i mean is if you pay the max the court ordered(child support,daycare,and medical expensives) plus have joint custody 50% do u pay for extra things like sports fees,toys/clothes for your ex's house ect?My husbands ex will have thier son call and ask his dad to pay for these things and he allways does.Now money is very tight for us and his ex is not hard up.Now i'm not an evil stepmom(i love my stepson) and my hus is not a dead beat dad i just feel these things should come from the child support money my hus is allready paying her.i feel his ex is taking advantage of my husbands love for his son as this happens often.Should i just let this go?I have tryed to talk to him about it but he just get defensive.

Answer 1

I agree with you. My husband has a daughter and I am the evil step monster also that hates it when they ask for extra money. Child support should cover those costs, but I guess there is nothing wrong with giving a little extra once in awhile. We are not well off either and every little bit counts.

Answer 2

I suppose it depends on how much the court-ordered support is, and how much his wife makes. Things like sports fees are extra, but toys and clothes are NOT. My boyfriend has to pay $550 a month of child support, and $300 a month for "special expenses", which is what child care costs are considered in Ontario.

So, his ex-wife gets $850 a month for one 2 1/2 year old, and she makes over $70,000. If, according to Canadian law, the parents financially support the child equally, then a 2 year old costs $1700 a month. I don't buy that at all, but that's the law.

I don't mind that he has to pay, but I am glad his ex has the good sense not to ask for money for clothes and toys when she's already getting a ton of support. I do wish, however, that there was some sort of accounting for how support money is spent. I doubt that every custodial parent spends it how they are supposed to...

Answer 3

I use the child support for as much as possible. It's designed to pay for housing, food, clothing, etc. The court asks about various additional expenses when coming up with the amount of child support. As an example, if the child has been in karate for years, they factor the expense into the payment. Please remember that sometimes, child support doesn't always cover what it's supposed to, especially as children get older. Their day-to-day expenses get more expensive, such as school activities, the amount of food they eat, how often they need new clothes, etc.

In any case, sometimes my children want to do things that are costly, and I make less than half of what their dad makes. I ask him if he can help a little bit if there's no other way to make it happen. If he can, he helps out, if not then I don't get upset.

I realize that some exwives (& exhusbands) are vindictive. Even if that is the case, please try and be as amiable as possible for the sake of the child. If it means giving them an extra $100 for baseball, then consider it an investment in the child's happiness and future success. Even if the child doesn't know how much his dad helps out now, he'll figure it out as time goes on.

If it's a huge probelm, meaning you can't make ends meet, then try to establish a limit to the amount of extra money you provide every month, like $150-$200. Then he'll have peace of mind knowing that his son will still have those "extras" and you'll have peace of mind knowing that it won't be never-ending.

Also, continue encouraging your husband to stay as involved in his son's life as possible. Knowing that all the adults in his life were able to work together in a harmonious way to raise him will help his son grow into a happy, successful adult. I think it's great that he has a stepmom who loves him as her own. :)

Answer 4

As a mother who is "supposed" to receive child support, I think it is only fair to help out with the extras. In the past two years that I have had a court order to receive child support, I haven't received a dime. But I don't think it's fair that we should have to pay for all the extra curricular activities. If the mother is the primary caretaker, and the child lives with her the majority of the time, then the child support is to help her keep a roof over the childs head. Just because you have joint custody, doesn't mean that the child lives at each place 50/50. We have joint custody and my ex has seen his girls maybe 3 times in 2 years. Called maybe 5 times. Good luck.

Answer 5

I'm divorced and receive child support for my oldest daughter. Sometimes it's just not enough. My ex pays half the uninsured medical bills because he has to. Aside from that I only ask for his help with really expensive things like summer camps, etc. I feel that his financial responsibilities extend beyond child support, but within reason. Itemize all spending on your step-son but remember child support covers the basic raising costs which are probably more than you think. I receive $300 a month, but the cost of rearing my teen-age daughter is close to $700 a month. Keep communication open and document everything. Good luck!

Answer 6

First of all child support itself usually falls about $200.00 a month short of what it actually costs to raise a child. Child support is figured at 1/3 the custodial parent's income as well as 1/3 the non custodial parent's income. That means his mother IS cotributing to this child's support as well as your "poor" husband. Your husband's child support goes to take care of 1/3 of the rent/mortgage, 1/3 of the heating/AC, 1/3 telephone 1/3 cable television, 1/3 sew,water and garbage, 1/3 internet access, 1/2 groceries the child consumes, 1/2 the clothing expenses. His mother contributes the same as WELL as supporting herself. Why should your husband pay for day care/medical expenses it is HIS SON. Quit whining about how "poor" you are and get out and get a job yourself or a 2nd job if you're having trouble making ends meet. When it comes to child support and new spouses the CHILD comes first. Grow up.

Answer 7

It's likely he gets defensive because he's doing what's right for the best of the children. After all what would result out of him telling his wife that the money he pays should cover that as well. Chances are it will provoke an argument and the kids the true one who pays for it. However, morally speaking you are correct. If he has joint custody AND pays child support he should not have to pay other things as well, after all if he has his child for 50% and probably spends just as much as his mom does for her 50%. This sounds like it might be an issue you should check with a lawyer on, and then once you get the facts you can bring it up to him.

Answer 8

As a parent, I believe that dads are responsible for more contributions to the future successes of their children that money can supply.
Creating opportunities for learning, feelings of value provided by successes of endeavor, the reinforcement of a positive self image a child gains from non hostile interaction with it's peers, the expectation by the father that his children will use educational opportunity for a base that provides career choices.
Positive references regarding the child's mother are equally valuable. So many times a parent's ego will stimulate negative comments relating to the child's mother. That is really unacceptable, and a strong indication of fragile self concept.
It is not easy to be a step-parent. I believe the best action a step-parent can take is to be supportive of the children, and the decisions of their parents, if those decisions are made in the best interest of the children.

Answer 9

Well if it not in the divorce papers then he really don't have to pay for those things. If you have extra money and would like to help her pay for those things, that is a different story, but expecting them if different.
If she can't afford for her son to do these extra things, well then he should be doing these extra things.
There is a lot of kids who do actually survive without the expensive toys, extra sports, fancy clothes - she needs to learn how to live in her financial bracket, which does include the child support that is given to her for their SON

Answer 10

I think that most of it should come out of the support money. Or at the very least only pay half of it. Since not all children participate in such activities.

If this is what your husband wants to do for his son. Just let it go. In the long run you won't regret. Because you took the high road.