i have been married for less than a year. i was told when we got married i would be able to get a diamond ring. well christmas came he didn't get it for me my birthday came i didn't even get a card, so today i went and bought my self one. i put in an acct with my parents address and if he asks i am gonna say i bought it from claires. i know this is bad but should i feel guilty. he never lets me spend on myself. i work a full time job plus part time on the weekends. i don't drink i don't smoke (he does both) and that cost money, what do all think?
2007-06-07 09:43:08 · 26 answers · asked by Life*goes*on 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The sad thing is that you felt you have to lie to get something for yourself that he said you could have, even if he's "forgotten" that he did.
I think you do deserve more than he's offering, BUT you should have been able to say "I will take pocket money in the same amount that it costs us to buy your smokes and drinks. That will be mine to spend as I wish". If he says you can't afford that, point out that buying HIS things is never an issue. If you aren't open about what you want, and insist that your needs are at least as important as his, you could end up 20 years down the track, with a husband who believes that you should do without, even when he's not. Speaking from experience here, so take care.
2007-06-07 10:01:58 · answer #1 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't lie to him. That's a mistake.
I also don't know why you've given him all the control of the money. If you're both working full time and sharing expenses, you should both have some discretionary money that you can do whatever you want with. His drinking and smoking should come out of his discretionary money and since you've decided you need a diamond ring, that should come out of yours.
Many a marriage has broken up because of money. The lack of it or the spending of it or whatever. Don't let that be the case here. Rework the budget so you each have some money every month to spend how you like, and then tell him you bought yourself a ring.
2007-06-07 16:52:08 · answer #2 · answered by LB 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is wrong to lie - period. Always be honest in your marriage even if your partner does not like it. You should also work on a more equal financial solution. My husband and I both get a weekly spending stipend and the rest goes into the household account. We can do as we wish with our spending money and everything else is covered by the household - bills, food, gas, savings, vacations etc. If he wants an Xbox game - he uses his money, If I want to get my hair done I use my money. If he runs out of money - too bad!
As far as the ring, tell him you bought it because he promised you and never came through. When my husband slacks on gifts and holidays - I go out and get something I like, come home and say "Look what you bought me today!" and make him pay me for it!
Good luck!
2007-06-07 17:06:17 · answer #3 · answered by Lady 205 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a bad sign if you have to lie to your husband. Why not just tell him you're buying a ring with the money you earned yourself? Why do you have to ask his permission on what you can buy? If you were spending irresponsibly, racking up debt, or spending from the joint household account, then his input would be valid, but c'mon! With your own savings? It's your private property and even your husband doesn't have the right to order you around.
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2007-06-07 16:51:12 · answer #4 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you only marry him for a diamond ring? Hope not cuz he does not sound like a keeper. Also, I hope your parents know about the account on their address. Second, dont lie to him. Tell him. Be honest. See what he does. If you wanted something, you should be able to get it if you can afford it and if it will not hurt someone else. I mean, if it hurts him then let him know it hurt you that he did not get you anything for your birthday and that he did not get it for you for christmas. Also, add that you are allowed to spend something on yourself once in awhile. I mean, he does it so why shouldn't you?
2007-06-07 16:50:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all... if he believes that you got a real ring from Claires, he isn't very smart. I'm sure he has probably heard of Claires and knows its a cheap jewelry store. Second... who cares if you have a ring?! Does that make you love him more? I don't have a ring... I would like one but I'm not going to deceive my husband to get one. Marriage is built on honesty and trust. If you have to ask people all over the world if you should feel guilty, then something is wrong with you. If you can't spend your money, then say something. Don't go behind his back. I don't feel bad for you one bit. I feel bad for your husband.
2007-06-07 17:06:31 · answer #6 · answered by mommy4two05 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
did you marry him so you could get a diamond or did you marry him because you love him and want to be with him....you sound like a child " POUT I didn't get what I want so I'm going to do it myself and lie nananana" great way to start out a marriage....did you ever think that maybe just maybe he is saving his money to buy you the best ring ever? I give it less than 5yrs.....Hey you asked and I told ya......hey here's one for ya...if he never said you would get a diamond would you still have married him...if so than whats the big deal really if not than you are shallow....I also think there is more 2 it than you say why did you even marry him if he is a bad as you make him sound. I think you are just upset and you're exaggerating a bit to make every one feel bad for you...he wont let you spend your money BOLOGNA....how old are you?
2007-06-07 16:58:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I don't think buying the ring was wrong, he should have bought it in the first place.
What is concerning is you have to lie to him about spending money. Marriage is a committment between two people and both of those people should have a say within the marriage. You should be able to be honest in your relationship. You obviously work hard for the money, you should be able to indulge yourself now and then.
2007-06-07 16:50:11 · answer #8 · answered by Nikki 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like there is resentment on your part as he won't allow you to spend money on yourself. So you go the opposite way and are planning on being dishonest with him. The first thing to do is to work on the two of you sharing, I have a hard time with the sentence "he won't let me"...
Anyway- the short answer, yes: you feel guilty because it was not the right way to go about things.
2007-06-07 16:53:29 · answer #9 · answered by live75 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Value of a diamond ring vs. cigarettes hmm?
How much saving do you both have?
Can he buy a motorcyle or a new car or a boat for himself and not let you ride with him?
You wanted something that could not even be shared between the two of you and bought it behind his back.
You are planning to lie to him.
You have plotted how to get away with this.
Yes, I think you did something wrong.
2007-06-07 17:13:44 · answer #10 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋