Ladies: How can I release my inhibitions during sex?

Question

I am a healthy 27 year old, and have been married for 5 years. My husband hasn't voiced any concerns about our sex life, but I have concerns. Before we were married, I was wild, adventurous, and untamed in the bedroom. There wasn't much I didn't want to try and explore. My sex drive hasn't gone down since then, but I have become shy and timid. I can't figure out why this is! I love sex and have a very giving partner. All of a sudden I feel almost uncomfortable. Even whispering something naughty in his ear makes me self-conscious and I used to be a pro at that! What is going on with me? Again, I love sex. It isn't a sex drive thing. Any ideas? It seems like after we married it was different. Like because we are husband and wife we couldn't have fun sex???? I don't get it. I am starting to feel like a virgin - shy and ackward. What gives?

Answer 1

Ok, I am not a woman but I will give you some input from a guys perspective.

There is a subconscious view that women seem to have about being a wife. Things change when they marry. These changes display themselves in different ways. With my wife, it was "we are not friends, we are married" whenever I called her my girlfriend. Perhaps this is what has happened to you. Your drive and desire is still there, but you are not with your "boyfriend" any more, it is your husband and therefore your sex should be more conservative. There is no real validity to this. I am not saying this is the case, but it could be. Ask yourself if this is the case, and answer honestly. Is he your husband, or your boyfriend (that you happen to marry). If he is your husband, you simply need to remind yourself, and believe, that he is still your boyfriend, then take him to bed and treat him like he is your boyfriend, or better yet, treat him like he is your boytoy, you will both be glad you did.

Answer 2

Well, I think it's because this is someone that you've committed yourself to. It is ALOT different then past flings, boyfriends, even live-in boyfriends. It's just different. Actually, I have found that the deeper the love, committment, bond...the deeper, more fulfilling the sex is. And, sometimes, that can make you feel self-conscious about things... Strange, but I DO understand. Take it as a good thing. Enjoy it. It can be, like you said, a 'virginal thing...like you're doing things for the first time. So, take it from there and let him know that. Maybe he can be the more dominant one right now...talking naughty, treating you like you guys really did just meet, taking things slow & gentle, and then building up from there. Well, hope that helps! At least, you know, you are not alone, I know what you are saying. Take care!

Answer 3

I am a guy so bear with me if I comment. Getting married. Should a "wife" not be wild, adventurous and untamed with her husband? Absolutely! You are first and foremost a woman with a very healthy sex drive. Forget the titles that convention and society lay on you (no pun intended). Your husband has to do the same. Unleash that unbridled and wild passion...get crazy! "You and he find yourself totally naked in a primeval forest with a waterfall. With water cascading down on you both, you have the most intense sexual experience ever." Whatever anyone else says, you two are lovers. Come on, raise the bar back to what it was and re-capture the experimentation, the exploration, and the discovery not of great sex, but of sex not on this planet.

Answer 4

I have no idea, but maybe it's because you all aren't doing the same things you did when you were just dating. Maybe because you are older, do you have kids? I think you should get you some wine, beer, or maybe even some hard liquor and throw it back. Alcohol always loosens your inhibitions, and this might help you. I have never heard of your situation before, but I really hope the alcohol works for you. You have a patient, tolerant husband but I know he probably really misses that "Naughty Girl" he use to date. So drink a little bit, loosen up and give the man what he's been missing. All the best.

Answer 5

Maybe you're just worried that instead of focusing on how amazing your making him feel he's so used to your 'tricks' that he's focusing entirely on you. After dating a guy for 3 years this started to happen to me as well, I started to worry that he was evaluating every little thing we tried/did. We ended up not being *right* for each other in the end so I never had to work past that. However, with the current boy that hasn't been a problem. I found that going out with the girls, discussing our sex lives, getting new ideas, and even (*GASP*) watching porn, really has helped my developed 'shyness'. I think watching porn was the best because most of the women look and act RIDICULOUS, anything I had done/tried was never that fake.

Answer 6

Well, you probably stopped because of the routine of marriage. The two of you just settled into each other. Then once it had been a while it made you uncomfortable to start again, because hey you're a wife and wives aren't supposed to be dirty. I think a lot of women go through this.

I would suggest just taking slow. Try to work your back up to the adventurer that you once were. You might ask him to start a little dirty talk or something, that may give you the confidence to join.

Answer 7

I had the same thing happen, I started feeling too much like a Wife and Mom, and not like myself. You can't exactly go to a hotel and play dress up all that often, can you?

One night I was was out at a very fancy restaurant with my husband. I felt desperate to try something, so I went into the ladies room and took off my bra and panties from under my dress. I discretely let my husband see peaks throughout the dinner. We got so worked up we couldn't make it home - we had to park like high school kids behind a supermarket.

Ever since, I find a little discrete exhibitionism when I am out with my husband, like touching myself sitting next to him in the car, breaks me from my Wife and Mommy mold, and things have never been better. Of course, he loves it, too.

Answer 8

It's okay, happens to a lot of people. We do get more self conscious because we care more. Maybe a getaway is in order. Sex at home can get humdrum, maybe a motel room, or a camping trip. Outside is a lot of fun, but don't get caught. Give yourself a break. Pamper yourself, whatever makes you feel gorgeous. Tease him. Work up to it. Enjoy!

Answer 9

don't go backward, ask your husband why the "naughty part" of the bedroom is not fun for him anymore and i say him because if he was responding to it you both would be turned on and you would not be asking this. sexual freedom is a part of someone. i could not imagine laying there and saying nothing oh my goodness how boring. if you continue you will die a little inside and your sex drive will eventually become a chore. fantasy and role playing is such a turn on and you need to get it back, you must talk to your husband. sometimes men look at their wives as madonna's and think its whory to say things make sure he is clear you are not a madonna or a whore its just exciting, i think personally he is intimidated by it.

Answer 10

Maybe it's becoming too routine and you aren't completely in the mood. Maybe you could ask him to be a little more vocal so that you doing it isn't as embarrassing. You're focusing too much on the little things, which makes me believe you aren't really into it completely. Just try to change something up a bit and ask him to participate a little more.