I currently live with my spouse in Miami...Medium lifestyle, very little chances of ever affording a real home (Home prices are now $400k to $800k) and we are both approaching age 40 and want kinds very bad....However, I just found out that I am medically disadvantaged (extremely low sperm count) and that the likelyhood of natural conception almost impossible. Which means my wife and I will need to look towards alternatives which is IVF or adoption......which both cost alot of money we do not have..............My wife's is spanish and her family is here in Miami...I am originally from Indiana.... and I can double our family income to $150,000, provide financial security by taking new job in my hometown in indianapolis...We own our condo in Miami, and I own my original home back in Indianapolis.My wife doesn't want to think about the possibility to relocate away from her family.....By staying in Miami, I argue we have very little opportunity to make ends meet. What would you do?
2007-06-07 08:19:59 · 16 answers · asked by Goodday 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you both want a child and to own a nicer home, moving to take a better job is the best solution.
I understand she does not want to leave her family, but it may be necessary to leave if she ever wants to have and provide for a family of her own.
Since you would be in a much better financial situation and since that income goes a lot farther in Indiana than Florida, she would be able to visit her family. She can also keep close to them via internet, webcam, phone and mail.
I see no logical reason to stay in Florida. The economy is much better in Indiana.
You should take the job and she needs to decide to honor her marriage vows and come with you or stay there. You both don't have much time left to have children and if thats what you want to do you need to make choices leading you in that direction. With or without her.
2007-06-07 08:27:33 · answer #1 · answered by Melanie J 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I left Miami too, for the same reasons. We are only 24, and we knew we would never be able to make a real home there. We are both college graduates, and all we could do was rent the worlds smallest 1 bedroom apartment. It sucked leaving our families, but we knew we had to if we were going to make a life for ourselves.
May I suggest, Indiana may be too far away to begin with. We just moved to Orlando, and it's much easier here. And, it's only a 4 hour drive to we can visit our families and they can visit us with ease. See if you can stay in Florida for now, maybe find a better job out of Miami. Get her used to being gone bit by bit. It's going to be hard to separate a Hispanic female from her family. We white people were raised to leave our families and start new ones. You just have to make it clear to her that if she wants that kind of life, you'll have to leave.
Good luck.
2007-06-07 08:28:21 · answer #2 · answered by Dolyn 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in a similar situation. Similar, but not exact. The first thing to take a look at are the variables surrounding your life. They may limit your dilemma. (i.e. do you have any kids? how is your financial situation?) I know the older kids are, the more difficult the move can be. Also, you may need to swallow your pride (i know all to well) and get a crap retail job just to bring in the $$$$. The magnificent thing about the crap retail job is that it is only temporary. That depends on your income needs. However, in your situation I would first speak to the husband about your job search crisis (although I am sure he has taken notice already). Maybe he has a point of contact for a local job? Then work your network from there -- to friends, professors, etc. (just a thought). Hope my two cents helps! Good luck with your search!
2016-05-19 01:59:24 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I side with you completely, but as you can see rarely will Hispanic/Spanish people move away from their families.
If I were you, I'd try to reach a compromise. Take her up to Indy and show her the kind of home and life you could have (I am from there as well and love it.) You are, after all, her husband, and you're not proposing this move for selfish reasons. PROMISE her you will go back to visit frequently; your new income will afford you this opportunity. This is for your best interests, and she should be supportive of this. If she wants children that badly, she should be able to see how this can increase those chances.
Good luck.
2007-06-07 08:35:30 · answer #4 · answered by Yogi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude I thought this was my hubby less than an hour ago he called and told me he was offered stability in a job but it's permanently located in NY i love the NY but I don't want to move permanently our set up is good he travels alot but I get to go to him whenever I choose alls good but I ain't leaving my family and career I got a great thing her in the STL unlike you his job doesn't offer any pay increase or anything like that just a little more stability for us he really loves doing what he does and he makes a hefty income and with my income we are able to afford a nice comfy lifestyle but he knows taht moving is not an option just got two much rooted and based in the STL. sorry for turning your ? into mine but the two are so similar.
Okay enough about me your wife def needs to look at the bigger picture and better opportunities for you and her this is an opportunity that you guys should def be taking it would be a better life financially for you guys and yes she doesn't want to leave her family but once you get married your spouse becomes your family Good luck and Congrats and by all means don't let her selfishness ruin what could be the best thing that happens to you
2007-06-07 08:36:56 · answer #5 · answered by mrsknowitall 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's the right thing to do. The money and the job in Indianapolis would allow you opportunities you currently can't have as easily. That could include your wife flying occasionally to visit her family. Southwest has great deals. She's married to you and wants to have a family with you. Her family is now secondary to that.
2007-06-07 08:44:49 · answer #6 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is enjoying her family, which is very admirable. But you have family too. Sounds like a compromise would be in order. Maybe look at homes in the area by your family and show her what is possible. You can always take the airline trip back to visit. This may be a chance to create more of your own family, and depend on eachother more.
2007-06-07 08:27:36 · answer #7 · answered by crash 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand your wife not wanting to leave her family, but she is your wife and needs to understand that sometimes you have to do things in order to move ahead in your marriage. My husband spent 20 years in the Marines and we moved every couple of years until he retired. I never complained with the exception of when the movers showed up at our house the day after Christmas to pack our stuff! Your wife can always visit her family and they can also visit her. She needs to see the positive in this instead of just thinking you're taking her away from her family. Show her your answers to let her know she needs to be supportive of what you're trying to do to help you out as a couple and eventually as a family. Believe me, I understand the prices of homes where you're at because I live in Florida too, but grew up in Michigan.
2007-06-07 08:27:59 · answer #8 · answered by 2Beagles 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What I would do is sit down with my wife and talk about priorities. Which is more important to her: staying close to family of origin, or having a family of her own? Then tell her which is more important to you. Once you've established the priorities, come up with a plan that supports how your priorities lie.
2007-06-07 08:24:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a wife, I would move with you. Lifestyle would be better for a family in Indiana.
2007-06-07 09:14:17 · answer #10 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋