How would you react if your mate of 24 years said he/she wanted a divorce?

Question

I told my hubby that a few days ago and nothing has changed. NOTHING. We get along really good, no fighting, screaming, yelling. Much like if you had a really nice roomate. I don't dislike him, but I don't feel I love him either. I would just like to retire after our 25th wedding anniversary this year. I told him all of this and guess what?! Nothing. I don't know what else to do.

Thanks for all your responses. I'm not playing head games with him or whatever. This is how I really feel. I just wonder at his response. Is it normal? Should I try to work on the marriage? That is part of the problem I think. I have always felt the need to do "things" to make our marriage work and he has for the most part been the passive recipient. I'm just tired I guess of being the active partner and I feel that if that's how it has to be and he doesn't want to or won't be "active", then let's just forget about it.

And, no, I do not want him to "act" a fool like some stupid yahoo person answered. I just wanted a response. For goodness sake, is that so wrong. If you orderded something at a restaurant, you don't expect the waiter to just keep staring at you, don't you expect something....anything!!!!!!!!!

Answer 1

Sounds like he isn't taking you seriously

Answer 2

If he really cares so little to not even acknowledge your statement than you need to take whatever steps are appropriate at this point. Consult with an attorney and start from there. Get your own bank account, go find a nice apartment, condo or house and begin to list what things you want from the house and the priority of them and the reason you want them (in case he wants the same items it helps the attorney to know all this). Some states require that you be separated BEFORE the actual divorce and some don't, so definitely consult with an attorney asap. Good luck and God Bless.
P.S. If you really are not all that unhappy in your present situation what is the main reason you are leaving? Many people who are "content" with the situation continue with it without a whole lot of love and lust. Remember the old saying about the grass being greener on the other side of the fence - well it's not and if it is it's well fertized if you know what I mean. Think this through before you make a drastic decision.

Answer 3

He is either in shock or not taking you seriously.

Why do you want a divorce? Is it because you are no longer "in love" and just love him? I would think this over very carefully, if I were you. Good men do not grow on trees and you have a very long history together. There would have to be a very compelling reason for me to give that up.

After many years together, most marriages do become more friendship than passion. You could change that, if you wanted to. Talk to him, work on things. You might see a big change in how you both feel and act toward each other.

Another common problem is that women who have been married so long and are thinking about divorce tend to not be unhappy in their marriages, but unhappy with their lives. They think divorce will make things better. Maybe you need to simply go out and do more. There's no reason you can't have the kind of life you want/think you missed out on and be married,too.

If none of that works and you are sure you want a divorce, then just go file. He would have to take that seriously. After 25 years, I wouldn't believe my spouse really wanted a divorce without seeing the papers.

Answer 4

Just because he's not answering doesn't mean he wants the marriage. My husband never voiced displeasure in our marriage, while I complained and tried counseling. We were married 32-years when I found out he had a girlfriend. In fact, I found out he had several throughout the marriage. No wonder he never complained or communicated to me. In the community he looked liked a faithful husband and wonderful father. Behind closed doors we were roommates. He led two lives. Nothing I did ever affected him one way or the other. I felt just like you for most of my marriage, but I stayed because he was nice enough and I didn't want to disrupt our family. Plus, in a way I did feel like I loved him because he was my husband. Oh well, what to do? You could insist on some counseling or a seperation. That should start some discussion.

Answer 5

I was married 37 years. My ex was cheating with my youngest sister and had been for 10 years. He called it friendship. Let me tell you if you think the grass is greener. GET a grip it is not. It is not fun starting over. If you do not have a boyfriend already. Get into counciling and save the marriage it sounds like you are bored. Life is not a party. It just is plain after years together. You want the sparkle again. You can make that if you want. If you want out for that sparkle with you new man. Leave and let him move on to. But. The grass is not greener it has brown spots too. It sounds like fun to be alone , but you are now around 45 + and the older men want the young girls under 30 not a pushing over the hill girl.

Answer 6

Since you got no reaction from him I would say the feelings are mutual. SO why wait and have a 25th? Do you plan on having a party and guest and gifts so that soon after you can get a divorce? Just get it over with now and move on!

OR, suggest working on your relationship and get help from a marriage counselor?

Answer 7

Well...how about filing for divorce? Unless you're just playing head games with him.

Edited to add:
I read your additional comments. It appears that you are playing head games with him. Otherwise why are you now asking if you should work on the marriage? If you truly want a divorce, then file for divorce. Obviously you are waiting for some reaction from your husband and you're not getting what you want or expect. That is playing head games (saying you want a divorce when what you really want is a reaction from him).

Now, when you order from a restaurant, then the ball is in the waiter's court to bring what you ordered. When you say you want a divorce, the ball is still in your court to file for a divorce, not wait for a reaction.

You are playing head games. Of course, you should work on your marriage though.

Answer 8

Maybe he's in shock? Maybe he can't believe it?

Are you sure you want a divorce?

Is there no way to bring the spark back to the marriage?

Can you two take a trip together or do something out of the ordinary, and maybe reassess your relationship that way?

What do you imagine your life will be like without him?

Do you think it will improve?

Answer 9

Sounds like you want him to act a fool. I think he is handling the statements very well. You should be happy that he is not giving you a hard time. He may agree with you and you made it easier saying it first. Take it for what it is and why wait till your anniversary if you don't love him anymore. People celebrate anniversaries, not get divorces on anniversaries. Sorry he did not get on his knees and beg you to stay. Do you think you are worthy of that? You are the one wanting the divorce and sounds like your getting it peacefully. Sorry to sound so harsh. May you find happiness.

Answer 10

If it were me i would go balistic wondering what i had done and why you would want something like that. He must not think you really mean it or it is his way of not going crazy and making things worse. He may even feel the same way but not know exactly how to present himself to you. i say if that is really what you want after 24 years than serve him papers. Good Luck!!!

Answer 11

You can RETIRE from being married ??? sheeeeeeeesh, no one told me!!!!!

Seriously, if you did what you say you did and he reacted like you say he did, either he didn't think you were serious or he wants to retire from you as well. Either way, seems no one much cares, so what's the problem???? File for divorce if that's what you want, don't expect him to do your dirty work for you.