I can never get a resolution from him. When he does something wrong and I confront him he will be like, "well you did the same thing 2 years ago." Or be like you didn't do the dishes. he always flips the conversation to take the heat off himself. How do I get him to communicate and take responsibility?
2007-06-07 07:16:09 · 14 answers · asked by All Smiles 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I've dealt with this before. Very frustrating. I think you have to point out this behavior to him but that isn't easy to do. It's clear he's being defensive but an accusation that he's being too defensive is going to ... make him defensive. LOL Maybe try something like "I have something I want to say and it seems like you turn the tables on me sometimes so I'd like to say it and have you answer and if you then want to ask me something I'll answer." Having a structured talk like this will keep him from richoeting. If you then ask why hasn't he taken out the garbage and he responds with pointing out that you haven't done the dishes then you can pull him back in line and say "I'm willing to discuss the dishes in a moment, but I asked about the garbage." He won't be able to flip the conversation on you if you don't let him. Keep returning to your intial question and don't let him roll over. If he didn't feel like it yet, or he's waiting until a commercial or something then he should just say that. Rather than accept responsibility for his actions/decisions though he's learned (from you) that he doesn't have to and that he can just play tit for tat with you instead. Tell him your observations about him flipping the conversation and not taking responsibility might very well make him self-concious about it to the point that he refrains from doing it himself (just so you won't be right about him, but as long as he stops it doesn't matter, right? :D)
2007-06-07 07:40:28 · answer #1 · answered by dirvin7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems that the problem is that you are "confronting" him instead of communicating with him .
You too would be defensive if he attacked you and something that you had done or not done.
Talk to him, voice your concerns but be sure to talk with him not at him.
You need to take responsibility for your part of the communication break down as well.
Let him know you are concerned that both of you do not seem to be able to communicate without arguing. Ask him what a better way to approach the situation would be. Have him assist you in repairing the damage of old hurts so that they can be forever lain to rest and not brought up again to "throw at" the other person.
2007-06-07 07:23:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same issue with my husband sometimes, he likes to avoid the conversation. The best way to handle him is, don't start it like an argument, you know when you guys are sitting at the dinner table or a time when you guys are just doing an ordinary thing, or when he is being sweet take that time to communicate with him, but try your best not to start an argument.
I know its hard I deal with the same thing. But that works for me. You just have to try and time it right.
Good Luck!
2007-06-07 07:23:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that he does these things and you feel that he needs to listen to what you have to say and not become defensive or lay the blame for his behavior at your feet.Let him know that all you want is for him to be responsible for his own behavior and that you will accept responsibility for yours.
Make a rule that nothing from more than a week ago can be brought into a current disagreement.
2007-06-07 07:27:42 · answer #4 · answered by Melanie J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think he is ashamed of your heritage. I think he may have an over bearing opinionated mother that he just prefers not to deal with, so he's put it off. I can see your point about telling her so you can try to avoid any unpleasant conversations while she is visiting, and she can avoid embarrassing herself. Maybe it would even open her eyes a little bit, I doubt that part, but it would be nice if she would suddenly come to be more accepting of people that differ from her.
2016-04-01 08:14:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife used to do that all the time. We fixed this, though, and so can you. As soon as he makes his flipping statement, say something like, "True, and I will be happy to discuss that at a later time. Let's take one thing at a time, though. So, what about this?"
In other words, reassure him as many times as it takes that you'll revisit anything he wants to revisit, just not *right now*. Tell him you want to focus on solving one problem at a time, and after you solve the thing you brought up, you'd be happy to take on whatever issue he wants to address next. You will have to repeat, repeat, repeat, but eventually it does start to work.
2007-06-07 07:24:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop being confrontational. TALK to him not AT him. Don't go after him as if he were a child. Sit down with him and talk to him as an adult. If he then "flips" out get up and walk away, don't stay and argue.
2007-06-07 07:19:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This man is who he is.Nothing will change this behavior but a strong woman.Start to reclaim your life,find new interests.He talks you down because he knows he can get away with it.When people marry they quickly forget how they came to be together.
2007-06-07 07:31:04 · answer #8 · answered by miraclehand2020 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Use a more gental approach. Say things like, "I know I have been guilty of ______ before, but I think we shoudl stop doing _______ and start doing ______." Take a more team like approach and make it soudn as if you are trying to change both of you for te better.
2007-06-07 07:21:12 · answer #9 · answered by jrhod263 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i hate that kind of man, and it really hard to handle him, just don't flip out, keep asking him the same question until he answer it
2007-06-07 07:26:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋