First year of marriage? bliss or from hell?

Question

I guess I'm stupid because I had this whole idea in my head that the first year of marriage would be really special. Birthday's, holidays, special times spent together but instead (not even married yet, but soon) by husband to be makes all these plans with his friends for his birthday, mine (all within 1 month after getting married), holidays, and now there's no time left for us and our relationship. It's all about him and his friends. What's that about? I've heard the first year is hard but I'm considering calling this off if this is how it's gonna be :(

Library Groupie your a dumb ***** it's quite obvious I've talked to him. Before you answer other people's questions why don't you go see if you can find a man of your own.

Answer 1

I understand what you mean..even though i believe that every married person should have space in life, i get so mad when my husband leaves me home, to even go out with his cousins..(well that is because it takes him 4 a.m. to get back home at times)somehow im overprotective...but for me i think it can happen once in a while.. the time should not exceed 1a.m. If later than that, i get so frustrated cuz i cant help myslef to sleep...unless he is home; SO consider this, does he spend enough time with you to balance it all off. Tell him how you want these birthdays and if not birthdays atleast
some of these holidays to be special. Go on vacations but when you come back..and if he wants to spend time with friends, you should get yourself busy as well. Invite some friends and forget about him for a while..enjoy..maybe he will then start to feel it too. Always ask him to involve you with the plans he makes, so you can decide together what seems right for your relationship. He should also ask for your company if he plans something with his friends..only then it is fair..your decision to join regardless....ALWAYS TALK TO HIM>>>ALWAYS

Answer 2

How long have you known each other? Are you living together? For me and my husband, the first year of living together was probably a little challenging (we moved in together about a year before getting engaged). We were two adults used to being on our own, and it was somewhat of a change to all of a sudden have someone around at all times who needed to be taken into consideration day in and day out.

But I wouldn't say it was "from hell". In spite of the challenges, our relationship was still very enjoyable - this enjoyment was one of the reasons why I was (and am) looking forward to sharing my life with him. If you and your fiancé haven't been together that long - give it a bit more time; the concept of having to always think of someone else when making a decision is sometimes difficult to adjust to. My husband and I had most of our differences pretty well ironed out before we got married; we hardly even argue anymore (can't remember the last time we got in a fight - it's been months).

If you have been with your fiancé for a while, and the pattern of behavior has been the same - well, I don't know; perhaps this is just the way he is, and this part of his personality is not very compatible with you. If you have talked to him 'til you're blue in the face, and nothing seems to change - I'm not sure what else to do. I mean, there will always be things about the other person we will need to accept. However, if it's only your first year together, there's still a good chance that you will adjust to each other.

Answer 3

The divorce rates are 60% of first marriages and 50% of second marriages. There are many unhappy couples that never get divorced. People marry for the wrong reasons and then are very unhappy. Many people do not really even know the person they are marrying. There are still a lot of controlling and abusive men that make marriages bad. There are also some controlling and abusive women that ruin marriages. A good marriage starts with two best friends. The two best friends share their love, respect and trust with each other and have a great marriage. Take care, Troy

Answer 4

YES, the first year is hard! You have to adjust to being married and living together, EVEN if you are already living together it will still be different because of expectation! SO, work through some things before marriage, pre-marriage counseling is well worth the time spent! Also it is possible that you need to remove some of your expectations because if you don't you are setting your future husband up for major failure that he knows nothing about!

Answer 5

I'm 26, I have been married to the same man since I was 20. I wish I would have waited until I was older. I wish I would have dated more men. I wish I would have been more easy going and fooled around more. I wish I would have experienced single life more. That might sound awful and make me sound like a whore but thats how I feel. My husband is the only man I have ever been with and I just feel like I missed out on a lot of fun.

Our first year was awful, a lot of jealousy and fighting. It did get better but it has never been great. Dating was great, he bought me flowers, took me out all the time, talked to me nicely, now I am lucky if he talks to me period. Sex was all the time when we dated! Now I am happy to get it twice a week. He is a prude and he's up tight!

Think hard before getting married.

Answer 6

My first year was a combination of bliss and hell.

It sounds like your husband hasn't adjusted to being married. He needs to know that marriage takes work and committment. He does not have to spend all of his time with you, but special occasions are a must.

Part of his problem might be that he is trying to prove to his friends and himself that nothing has changed just because he's getting married and that he wears the pants etc. The truth is that things do change and he will need to adjust his way of thinking and his schedule. He has you now and needs to think more like a couple and understand that he has certain requirements he must fulfill as husband.

Don't give up yet, but definately talk to him about it.

Answer 7

Marriage is NOT easy, it's hard work for both spouses. It takes a lot of adjusting to get used to one another, your habits, patterns, etc. - especially to learn to compromise and figure out one another's needs.
You are definitely not wrong in your thinking that the first year of marriage is special. It should be, but something is up with the relationship between the two of you. Did you have no hints before we got married that he spent more time with his buddies? Of course you need to talk with him, and explain clearly and plainly what you want (men aren't stupid, but they just don't feel the same way about things that women do). Usually if a guy gets things laid out before him simply, it's easier for him to understand. Be specific. Say "I want...." - not all "I feel...". For example, I want us to spend birthdays together, and make them special for each other. Most importantly, don't nag....
Good luck to you...

Answer 8

Bliss but there has been soame very very tough times. Our one year is this Sunday. We have has a lot to work through and still do. Marriage is not a one way street is a two way. Give and take, talk and listen. This is #2 for me. - so was going into instant family as well with 2 teens daughters (each one from prior marriages). Marriage is not easy by any means, it takes work. You really need to let him know how you are feeling, that you don't mind his friends - he has to respect you and your feelings.

I wish you Good Luck.

Answer 9

Have you communicated with him how you feel? If he knows how you feel and is still making these plans, don't expect him to change and become all caring and solicitous after the marriage. On the other hand, you need to evaluate whether or not it's just bridal nerves throwing the situation out of proportion... Maybe you could benefit from some pre-marital counseling?

Answer 10

The first few years are very hard BUT my sister's soon to be ex-husband is all about his friends. All his spare time was with them or talking to them. My sister and their child together was merely an after thought so be careful. This very well could be how it is with your man.