Pregnant - now what?

Question

A while back, I decided to have an affair. I hooked up with an ex-boyfriend from college and it has been wonderful. My husband does not know about any of this.

My problem is I got pregnant.

When I have sex with my husband, we don't use protection. With my ex, he wears a condom.

The reason I'm concerned that its my ex's baby is that my husband and I have not conceived in seven years - we have never used any sort of birth control.

I don't know if I should tell my husband that the baby is his or have an abortion. Another problem is that my ex is black and my husband is white.

What should I do?

Thank you for all of your responses. I'm going crazy thinking about this...

If I keep the baby, I will need my husbands financial assistance no matter what. My ex is poor and is married with 4 kids of his own - so I can't get any help from him.

I think I read somewhere that even if the baby is not my husbands, if I put his name on the birth certificate, he is still responsible financially. Does anyone know if this is correct?

My ex and I only had sex 3 times a week for about 6 months. His condom did break the last time after a pretty rough session - so it is possible that it could be his.

Answer 1

No one can tell you if you should have an abortion or not. Only you can decide that "it's your choice" but, how much do you care for your husband and how hurt will he be and will he be able to forgive you? Im sorry that you have to decide that, and it must be hard, so Good Luck

Answer 2

You have gotten yourself into some s h i t If you tell your hubby it's his baby and the child comes out biracial assuming that you are also Caucasian then what your hubby will know then. If you get rid of it and unbeknownst to you it is a miracle and it is your hubby's then you just got rid of the one thing that could possibly bring you guys back right. I say keep it and once the child is born you'll know without getting a paternity test done and that way your hubby can make the decision for you if it's not his he can make the decision to stay or go if it is your hubby then you don't have to ever say anything to him about it. Man this can go so many ways I can sit here and run down a million different outcomes to your scenario but at the end of the day you need to do the right thing I say tell hubby about affair tell him you are pregnant but not 100% it's his child let him know you did have the decency to use protection so there is a huge possibility the child is his and not your black mandingo lover boy. Good Luck and man ain't karma a mother%@#&*@. Please let us know what happens this is almost better than day time soaps.

Ladies let this be a lesson if you are going to cheat don't do it with someone outside of your race because there is no way you can past the child off as your hubby....



Not that anyone on YA would cheat

Answer 3

so, you thought you'd never get caught, and now you're gonna get busted.

In 7 years of sex, you finally get pregnant, its a miracle(maybe), do you think your husband will WANT you to get an abortion?

So after cheating with each other for a while, your boyfriend gets you pregnant, its karma(definitely), do you think he'll want you to get an abortion?

So after being conceived, your fetus (because to you its not a baby) is trying to figure out who the hell its daddy is, cause even it doesn't know.

Half that DNA you know is yours... the other half is a coin toss, and if its NOT your husbands and you go through with the abortion, you might be able to cover your cheating past up. On the other hand, if it IS your husbands, and you go through with the abortion, you've just destroyed the only child you'll likely ever conceive with the man.

I'd say you need to be open and honest with your husband (for once), tell him what's going on, and have him help you through this decision, cause mister "but I was wearing a condom" probably wont be there for you when you need him, he's there for the easy sex.

After the baby is born, if its difficult to tell who's child it is a dna test can give you the facts (even before its born, you can test) If its your husbands, and the 2 of you survive through this, you keep it, otherwise... if its' your Lover's you could turn it over to him (yeah right, he's sure to want to be a single dad) or put it up for adoption.

Answer 4

Why cheat in the first place was he not giving you enough of sex, if not tell him, I know most men would want more anyway. Or does your husband have a little thingie, I mean thats what I guess, but this is not 1934 its 2007 and there is pills that can turn anyone thingie into a big thingie. There is also pumps and even surgery , all that happens to be in communacation between the husband and wife and these problems never would happen. Oh I don't want to tell her she to fat, oh I don't want to tell him he not last longer enough. Now here we are in 2007 and still stupid about talking to our wives and husbands to prevent the most easy thing to prevent from happening, and don't tell me that your ex is better in bed than your husband, yes he might be but why is that. Its not like your husband couldn't get better at it, and something a white man likes to do that black man doesn't. Not being racist but just got a thought back about 9 years ago from a joke that was told at work. Wasn't really a joke, just one of the men ask the black man he like eating, and he said nooooooooooooo. But i assume some do and some don't the same with some white men like that and some don't.

You shouldn't kill your baby no matter what, what if your baby cures cancer or saves this world. Who knows if you still love your husband then talk about it, he might love you so much and forgive you. Even if is your ex's baby. He might accept it as his own. The problem is you got to talk, not see pshicos and doctors and come here to ask a question, you got to sit down and talk. Why is it men and woman can't talk, does the men bark and the woman meow and we not understand each other or what. I have talked to 1000's of ladies online and I will talk to them the same as I would talk to a man, of course talkin about sex I mix in jokes of course but I a able to talk to them like anyone else. Well what do I know I am a 1930's computer..........

Answer 5

Is it just me or, does this sound like an episode from NIP/TUCK ?

Sounds like Dr. Christian Troy's (white guy) former gf (white gf) coming to him and telling him IM PREGNANT..and she insists its his...then she gives birth in the plastic surgery office to a black child..WOAH.. Can we say HOE....

Well your husband will be pissed about this no matter what..

COME WHAT MAY.....

why ?

first of all you cheated

2nd of all you cheated with a black man...you didn't cheat with a white guy...so for that your husband is already going to have a cow..because it has to do with an inferiority complex.. you know the whole black/white issue..historical issue..and black people suposubly having bigger sticks..

3rd when you were having sex with your ex boyfriend...you didn't even think once or twice about your husband, your marriage or that ring on your finger...

so therefore you gotta come clean either way, you made your bed...now you gotta lay in it..

This could be your husbands baby if you're lucky, but it could also be the other man's child...

I guess you'll find out if you decide to keep this baby. Poor Kid..

Don't expect your husband to forgive you though, if he does he's a saint and stupid for life... for taking back a cheater...

If this child does turn out to be your husbands...he may also want a divorce and want to dis-own it..simply based on the fact that, you two didn't create this baby with love, but his feeling of deception should be reason for him to want to not look at this child.. you can't love a child and be guild ridden or pretend to love a child and know it was created during time of deceivement..

Cheaters and Home-wreckers usually pay for what they do...

Answer 6

Why get an abortion? Be honest with your husband, if he leaves you, which he should, you can be with your ex. Don't let him think this child is his when there's a chance it's not. Wait til the baby's born and see what happens. There's still a chance your husband could be the father. By no means should you have an abortion.

Answer 7

Srry not to sound mean but you screwed yourself when you decided to have sex with another guy when you where already married! DO NOT have an abortion and yes you should tell your husband I hope he will forgive you and he will probably love the baby too! but dont be mad at him if he doesnt. And it is very possible it is your husbands in which case you should still tell him about havin an affair and hope he forgives you. Good Luck!

Answer 8

Well what you should do depends on whether or not you want to continue to be married? If you want to risk the fact of not telling him and have the baby come out black then you most likely will end up losing him anyways. In my book honesty is always the best policy and if the child IS his it's not fair to him to not let him be a part of it especially if you have talked about having children together and it's something he wants to do. It's a tough decision but I personally don't think abortion is the way to go.

Answer 9

Just because you and your husband have not concieved in 7 years without protection doesn't mean this pregnancy couldn't be his, timing could have been just right or it simply was time my ex and I didn't get pregnant for over 5 years after we were married. I suggest you be honest with your husband, and let the chips fall where they may. You were deceitful and turned your marriage vows into lies. This is payback for doing so.

Answer 10

dont have an abortion, but you should tell your husband that your scared that the baby might not be his.
hemost likely will get really mad, but you need to proveto him your truley sorry.
maybe it wasnt a good idea to have an affair now, eh?
imagine the life ofyour baby, its going to grow up having 2 dads if it is the other guys kid.
you should be ashamed of your self.