We have no kids, and we have a beautiful relationship. We talk about marriage sometimes but if i bring it up, he just says like 1 sentence,and then changes the subject. I know he loves me, but im tired of waiting to get married. we are living together now for 3 years and i feel its time to move on to the next step. please help!!!
2007-06-07 06:31:11 · 31 answers · asked by PrinCipeSSa ItaLiAnA 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I just emailed him discussing it and he said he is still saving to buy a ring, but hes been saying that for like 2 years now. i think its bs. It better be a nice ring then huh.
2007-06-07 06:57:16 · update #1
Personally, I dont have that kind of patience.. to wait 5 years for someone to make up their mind. If its really important to you and you feel that it is now or never than talk to him about that. Then if you have to, move on.
2007-06-07 06:37:51 · answer #1 · answered by Meloa 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I am not sure how old you are... If you are both in your late 20's it is probably time for you to move on while you are still young and desirable. If he really loves you he would want to marry you and have a family. Changing the subject all the time and saving for a ring are excuses. He is wasting your time. You know that expression "You don't buy the cow when you get the milk for free". And you definitely do not want to wind up pregnant with someone that will not commit to you in the way that you want. I imagine you would still be happy if he showed up with a small ring and proposed.
You do not want to wait until he leaves you when you may discover your biological clock ticking out. Women in their 30s have a much harder time finding someone decent. Men in their 30s are either married or chasing 20 yr olds. Sad, but true.
However, if you both are still very young under age 25 you probably should give this more time. Most are not ready for marriage so young.
I hope in your case the threat of loosing you is enough to reach his heart.
Good Luck.
2007-06-07 16:14:01 · answer #2 · answered by Stepmomof2 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I waited 5 years for a proposal. After another 5 years of waiting, I got the same one line answers as you when we "discussed" marriage and subject was changed. I thought we had a beautiful relationship also. It was beautiful for him. Thinking back, he never went out of his way for me at all. One day it dawned on me - he had no intention of marrying me. It was perfect for him. I gave and gave and he didn't have to do anything. He was a very selfish person to waste 10 years of my life. Remember this saying "why buy the milk when the cow is free" - it is so true. If it doesn't feel right - IT ISN'T. If after 3 years he can't discuss marriage then you have to open your eyes. Maybe it is time for you to move onto the next step. You really can't give him an ultimatum because you don't want to force someone to marry you. But after 3 years you should be getting more than one line answers. I'm just saying honey - open your eyes before you waste too much time.
2007-06-07 16:13:13 · answer #3 · answered by Babycat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Been there! I just ended a relationship a few months ago after being with him for a little over 5 years. We talked about marriage, he even bought an engagement ring and proposed to me a couple of years ago. But when it came to actually setting a date and going through with it, it never happened. I began to get so depressed over the entire situation and got to the point that it was controlling a lot of what I did and said. I was losing focus of ME and began to think less of ME because I felt like I was not good enough, etc. Unfortunately, nobody can make that decision for you, but if you're not happy with the situation as it is, you have to decide how important it is to you. If it is eating at you enough, you'll get to the point that you'll either get out of it, or you'll accept that this is the way it's gonna be. I wish you the best. Hope you get what you're really wanting, but please don't settle for less if that's not what you truly want. You may regret it in the long run if you do. Good luck!
2007-06-07 14:09:50 · answer #4 · answered by baguzman_1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him exactly that: you feel this relationship is ready for the next stage, and ask him how he feels about setting a date and starting to plan a wedding. 5 years is plenty enough time to figure out whether or not he wants to marry you. If marriage is what you want but is not what he wants, you will just have to decide if you can be ok in a relationship with him without being married, or if marriage is more important - in which case, you need to look elsewhere. I recommend you have a serious heart-to-heart with him, and ask him to give you a clear answer. If he respects you, he will be honest.
2007-06-07 13:48:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
As soon as I saw the title of your question I knew the two of you were living together. This happens a lot when two unmarried people live together. There's no real impetus to move forward. Guys get comfortable and that's that. It's the whole why buy the milk when you have the cow thing.
I don't know how you motivate him to take the next step except to press how important it is to you. You also have to list the benefits of getting married. Good luck.
2007-06-07 13:50:32 · answer #6 · answered by JB 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
5 years is a long time.
If you think about it he kinda has it made already so probably there is nothing to push him. He has you living, sleeping with him etc already. He is "married" without the commitment there.
He is getting what he wants.
It may be time to show him you are serious, move out and WAIT to move in with him when you are married to him. What you want is important to. You give it all away before then what is his motivation?
Take care and let me know what happens!!
2007-06-07 14:09:28 · answer #7 · answered by Ann 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him. Let him know that you want to get married or at least have a discussion with him about it. There are many couples that live together for decades without getting married and it works for them. It really depends on how each of view the future.
2007-06-07 13:35:44 · answer #8 · answered by 32nkikin 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he likes the way your relationship is now and once married he's afraid the relationship will change.He probably feels that living together is the same as marriage. Just tell him that you would really like to get married within the next few years and if he doesn't then maybe you might need to meet someone that has the same goals as you. Good Luck!!
2007-06-07 13:39:18 · answer #9 · answered by 24Special 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
YOu do not need help you already know the answer but I'll spell it out for you.
He is not going to marry you. He has no need to marry you since you already live with him. You have put up with this for years now so why should he change. You could force the issue with an ultimatum but then you would have to be prepared to end the relationship, but who wants to force someone into marrying them. I say you have invested too much time in this relationship. If you like things as they are, fine, BUT if you want more I am afraid you are gonna have to start over and look elsewhere.
2007-06-07 13:37:22 · answer #10 · answered by CindyLu 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Sit him down and tell him you want to talk about your future. If he doesn't want to marry you, how will you feel? Would you rather move on to someone else? Work this out before you talk to him.
If you've been together for so long, and he hasn't decided to commit, this could be an indication that he doesn't really want to marry you.
2007-06-07 13:39:33 · answer #11 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋