Shes my ex as of two days ago.But looking back both before we were married and during i was somewhat blind to what it really meant to our relationship.She never drank in my presence.She would pull to the side of the road just before getting home from work and slug back some Vodka.I could smell the alcohol or listerine when she would greet me.She would never kiss me when she got home because she was trying to hide it but i could smell it all the same.One day i left to go out of town for work but half way there the plans changed and i turned around to return home.When i arrived she was throwing up in the toilet and the bathroom reeked of vodka.I tried to help her up but she wanted to be left alone.She said she was embarassed and when i asked her how long she had been drinking like this she said for 15 years after she found her first husband in bed with another woman.Her moods would change from one miniute to the next.I don't drink,i sher fist love the bottle?
2007-06-07 06:22:09 · 9 answers · asked by Rodger M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What i said was her first love the bottle.I tried to get her help but she didn't want it.She said she could handle it herself.She was very private and secetive,almost mysterious at times.I made mistakes in our marriage,granted but she drank before i met her and wonder what her frame of mind was then and is she still drinking today know that we are apart,or was it me that drove her to continue to drink ??
2007-06-07 06:25:04 · update #1
You had nothing to do with her drinking. She's an alcoholic, you just happened to become involved with her. I imagine you might be experiencing some guilt about ending the relationship and having visions of her increased consumption but that really is not your concern. I was once with an alcoholic and ultimately you have to learn that you are not responsible, tried everything you reasonably could and walk away. Consider yourself lucky.
2007-06-07 06:28:34 · answer #1 · answered by HoHo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, this is tough. I'm a recovering alcoholic who drank just like your wife. Years of closet drinking . . . years. I got sober several years ago, after which I did divorce my first husband, but I have to tell you that it was not his fault that I drank or was alcoholic. That had to do with my own biology and behavior.
I think you are trying to figure out whether the woman you love/d was genuine with you at all, whether she really loved you or just the bottle.
I think it is a falacy to say that an alcoholic only loves the bottle. The bottle is the master and the alcoholic the slave, but that is not love, that's bondage.
The thing is that an alcoholic, a person who has been drinking this way for years, is simply not capable of love. Period. We do regain that ability with time in recovery but during the drinking years, we are too buried in agony and self-hate to feel love.
I would strongly suggest you seek out some al-anon meetings in your area as soon as possible. Many others have been in your shoes and can help you.
2007-06-07 20:45:33 · answer #2 · answered by Helen W. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was never you. She couldn't get over her ex-husbands infidelity and she started drinking out of helplesness. The more she got inside her addiction, the stronger the addiction became. It is true, addicts of any kind have one first love and that is their addiction, everything else comes after it. It is VERY HARD to turn around, see what you are doing to people you love and to stop the addiction. It is also hopeless to think you will be the one making them convert. NEVER! Yes they need help, but only when the cry for help comes from THEMSELVES. Whatever she had issues with, which we know now was her ex-husbands infidelity, she should solve first with herself and then get into another relationship. But I see there aren't many strong people like that in the world. I say good luck to her and you will surely find someone to be happy with, trust me.
2007-06-10 09:31:42 · answer #3 · answered by stargazer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You knew she drank before you were married, did you just think she would get a ring on her finger and just stop? If this was a huge problem for you, why didn't you address this issue before hand? Does she drink in the morning? Is she not getting her work done? Is she mean to you? I think couple's counseling would really help and maybe even therapy for her alone so she can figure out why she needs to numb her pain so bad.
2007-06-07 13:28:59 · answer #4 · answered by BrusselSprouts 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you Love her and want her to get better you need to support her and help her. alcoholism is an addiction. she does not know how to turn her problems into something positive. the only way she will get better is if she wants to. but she also need support and help. offer to go with her to AA meetings, and take some classes that you both enjoy show her that it is OK to hate her previous husband but she needs to turn the hatred in to power he was wrong and she needs to realize she is the better person, without the Vodka.
2007-06-07 13:38:27 · answer #5 · answered by Trisha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband drinks all the time and he does it in front of anybody & everybody. It's a little bit embarrassing. I have finally came to the conclusion that it is his problem and if he doesn't want help, I can't do anything about it.
2007-06-07 13:31:24 · answer #6 · answered by bamagurl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing you can do. It is up to her when and if she wants help. An addict myself I know for me it didn't matter what anybody did for me. I just rebelled she will make the choice when she has had enough. God Bless
2007-06-07 13:35:38 · answer #7 · answered by Georgia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is her first love the bottle? I wouldn't call an addiction "love"...she needs help. Hopefully she'll get it before it's too late...
2007-06-07 13:26:27 · answer #8 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is the nature of an alcoholic, if and when she is redy she will do something about the situation pray it will not be too late
2007-06-11 05:38:19 · answer #9 · answered by cheri h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋