what qualifies as an abusive husband?

Question

My ex wife is telling people whom I have contact with that the divorce was caused by me being 'abusive'. for 7 7/12 years I've been with her, I never even raised my voice on her. The final 3 months after she filed the divorce, I did let out my frustrations on 2 occasions. While we were arguing(by this time, my voice did raise up and so did hers), I did throw TV remote into the fireplace bricks, twice. I never ever touched her out of anger. So, why am I looked at as 'abusive'?

Answer 1

She wants all your friends and family (depending on who she is telling) to feel sorry for her and to make you look like the bad guy. She is most likely the one with anger issues and doesnt want to take responsibility for her actions

Answer 2

Personally, as someone who is also going thru a divorce. I think abusive can de defined as anything that makes the other person feel like they have been destroyed. This can be mental. I think I was in an abusive relationship because my ex cheated on me and belittled me. Made me feel like i was worthless at times and to me that is worse then any type of physical abuse. I dont mean to say that is what u did but just my 2 cents

Answer 3

Well, from hearing your side, it doesnt sound like you are abusive, unless there are children and you arent saying what your relationship has been like with them. Abusive can mean alot of different things: It can mean sexually, emotionally, verbally, and physically. Usually you dont find any of those by themselves. Because if you abuse someone sexually, its also abusing them emotionally. It does affect their emotions. Or she could be using the wrong terminology and mean that you have a drinking or drug problem. While I really dont think this is the case, on you and she really know what happened in your marriage. God Bless You! Know that if what she is saying is a lie, that lies NEVER change the truth!

Answer 4

did she say physically abusive? perhaps you were verbal which is name calling, put downs, always making the person feel as though they are not good enough. verbal is harder to distinguish because it is kinda an "eye of the beholder" kinda thing. how ever my guess is the other people know that she is full of it and that is why it has gotten back to you. maybe you were abusive but why wouldn't she try to tell you that during the marriage so you could change, why wouldn't she reach out for help. maybe she is just not a good person herself and is trying to blame it on you.

Answer 5

If what you say is true, then you are not abusive. Depending on her reasons for filing for divorce, it may be to make her look less like the bad guy in the divorce.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Abuse is defined as verbal and physical. Physical is obvious. Verbal on the other hand can be abusive to one person but not to another for instance calling someone a name could be considered abusive. It sounds to me that your wife is looking for some sympathy.

Answer 7

Do you really care what she thinks ? If you know your not an abuser then it should not matter to you.
An abusive person signs:
* Physical abuse (domestic violence)
* Verbal or nonverbal abuse (psychological, mental, or emotional abuse)
* Sexual abuse
* Stalking or cyberstalking
* Economic abuse or financial abuse
* Spiritual abuse
* Pushing, throwing, tripping.
* Slapping, hitting, punching, kicking.
* Grabbing, choking, shaking.
* Pinching, biting.
* Holding, restraining, confinement.
* Assault with a weapon.
* Burning or freezing.
* Throwing things.
#Threatening or intimidating to gain compliance.
# Destruction of the victim’s personal property and possessions, or threats to do so.
# Violence to an animal or object (such as a wall or piece of furniture) in the presence of their partner, as a way of instilling fear.
# Yelling, screaming, name-calling.
# Shaming, mocking, or criticizing the victim, either alone or in front of others.
# Possessiveness, isolation from friends and family.
# Blaming the victim for how the abuser acts or feels.
# Telling the victim that they are worthless on their own.
# Making the victim feel that there is no way out of the relationship.
* Sexual assault – Forcing someone to participate in unwanted, unsafe, or degrading sexual activity.
* Sexual harassment – Using unwanted sexual advances to gain power over someone.
* Sexual exploitation – Examples include forcing someone to look at pornography or participate in pornographic filmmaking.
* Making repeated phone calls, sometimes with hang-ups.
* Following and tracking the victim (possibly even with a global positioning device).
* Sending unwanted packages, cards, gifts, or letters.
* Monitoring the victim’s phone calls or computer use.
* Watching the victim with hidden cameras.
* Contacting friends, family, co-workers, or neighbors for information about the victim.
* Using public records, online searching, or paid investigators to find their victim.
* Threatening to hurt the victim or their family, friends, or pets.
* Going through the victim’s possessions or garbage.
* Damaging the victim’s home, car, or other property.
* Withholding economic resources such as money or credit cards.
* Stealing from or defrauding a partner of money or assets.
* Exploiting the intimate partner’s resources for personal gain.
* Withholding physical resources such as food, clothes, necessary medications, or shelter.
* Preventing the spouse or intimate partner from working or choosing an occupation.
* Using the spouse’s or intimate partner’s religious or spiritual beliefs to manipulate them.
* Preventing the partner from practicing their religious or spiritual beliefs.
* Ridiculing the other person’s religious or spiritual beliefs.
* Forcing the children to be reared in a faith that the partner has not agreed to

Answer 8

If what you have said is true then you are not abusive. Your ex-wife is obviously making this up. I am not sure why she would do such a thing but what you just explained is not an abusive husband.

Answer 9

Most likely she feels that she was emotionally abused by you. You don't have to raise your voice or a hand to abuse a person.

Answer 10

If she felt abused, you are abusive. So what you never raised your voice? Did you call her names? were you controlling? withholding? absent emotionally? Take a deeper look at those 7 years from her point of view and see if perhaps she might have a point.