ok my husband says he loves me all the time but its strange to me that he will never ask me what is bothering me inspite of he being very sensitive of my moods.when later i bring this up he will say he doesnot jump to conclusions and he was giving me time coz according to him time will automatically make me ok.i find this uncaring on his part and his callousness.i feel ignored and later i turn resentful.i feel its causing tensions between us.i have explained this to him so many times now but everytime he does this.we are married just since four months.he is also very closed about everything,meaning doesnot answer lots of my questions regarding his thoughts about things.there he gives me an explanation that he has blocked his emotions since young and has been a loner since years.i find this really hard to deal with.though i try keeping patience but it gets on my nerves.why doesnot he answer me when i ask him his mind?it makes me feel as if i am nothing for him.how can i deal with him?
2007-06-07 04:04:40 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why can't you just tell him what's bothering you instead of passive-aggressively NOT telling him until he asks? Which you already know he won't do. If you want him to know what's bothering you, TELL HIM.
As far as him being emotionally closed, didn't you know this about him before you married him? Did you really think it would change? People don't change just because you put a ring on their finger.
2007-06-07 04:10:02 · answer #1 · answered by LB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you have been married such a short period of time, I am not surprised by your issue. Did you date before marriage? I am thinking this marriage was arranged because it seems as if you two do not know each other.
As newlyweds this should be a very exciting time in your life learning about each other. But the flow of conversation needs to go two ways. If you ask a question, the least he can do is answer it (within reason). The fact that he says he is a loner may or may not be true. How is he around others? If he is outgoing with others and not when he is with you, a warning bell should be going off in your head.
And don't ever let him make you feel you are nothing, you are a 50% partner in your marriage. If this is how it is now, I am feeling sorry for you if things do not change. All your life is a long time to be miserable.
As I said above, it sounds as if you do not know each other. If things do not change, I wonder if you ever will. Keep trying.
2007-06-09 23:58:25 · answer #2 · answered by ezgoin_newyorker 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband isn't a mind reader. If something is bothering you, quit moping around, waiting for him to ask you what's wrong, then getting mad when he doesn't figure it out! If you are upset about something, first ask yourself if it is really worth bringing up - many times it won't be. If it is, then tell your husband. It's cruel of you to expect him to always know what's on your mind. You will end up driving him away. As far as what's on his mind - guys generally don't express every little emotion. Leave him alone. If you want to have a long and happy marriage, you need to stop manufacturing drama where there is none. Good luck.
2007-06-07 11:14:22 · answer #3 · answered by Tiss 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like a huge communication problem on both parts. You are wondering why he doesn't ask you what is wrong, why do you have to wait for him to ask. He is not a mind reader, if something is bothering you tell him. This in turn will probably get him to open up more. I watched a comedian who said, women always want to know what men are thinking, when really they are not thinking anything at all. Be comfortable enough in your relationship that you don't always have to ask what the other person is thinking.
2007-06-07 11:12:36 · answer #4 · answered by kei 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men are not like who share their emotions. Men don't just talk about whats on their mind and how they are feeling. I think you would benefit from checking out this book so you can understand why your husband does the things he does and you can see the humongous difference between men and women. It has helped me in my relationship to not sweat the small stuff. Good luck!
"How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It: Finding Love Beyond Words"
by Dr Patricia Love , Steven Stosny
2007-06-07 11:21:35 · answer #5 · answered by kceg85 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you need something outside of your marriage to keep you occupied. Men and Women are different, you need to except that. Most men prefer not to discuss their problems, woes and worries unless it becomes major. Where as women are more open. None the less, it isn't your husbands responsibility to know when something is bothering you. If something is bothering you and you need him; let him know it...he's not a mind reader.
You don't change your way of thinking, you will just be setting yourself up for a lifetime of aggravation.
2007-06-07 11:14:29 · answer #6 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give him some space, maybe you're asking too many questions of him and he's feeling smothered.
So far as with you? He's not psychic. Don't think he's going to know why you're feeling the way you are unless you TELL him.
Why did you marry this guy?
2007-06-07 11:17:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's a man. Most men don't like to talk about feelings and emotions. They'd rather deal with tangible things that they know how to fix. And you're also giving your husband more credit for "noticing" when you've got something on your mind; most men don't notice like we do. Or they notice, but they don't bring it up due to my first point (the don't like talking about feelings). You're a grown woman in a partnership. If you're upset and need to talk to him, YOU bring it up. Why play these "if he loved me he'd..." games.
2007-06-07 11:13:21 · answer #8 · answered by justme 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not, "how can you deal with him?". It's, "how can he deal with you?"
If something is bothering you, then tell him. Don't wait for him to ask. He shouldn't be expected to read your mind. Stop being so childish and high maintenance.
2007-06-07 11:09:53 · answer #9 · answered by Schwinn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think you should take it slow and give him some time, you only been married for 4 months, he need time to open up to you, and don't push it to much, try to ignore him a bit to for some time and see how that goes OK
2007-06-07 11:11:51 · answer #10 · answered by maya 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋