Ok, sooo. Here is my situation. I am a 30 yr old wife with no kids and an 80 lb golden retriever. I live in the NYC area. I have a graduate level education and my husband has a MBA and earns $100K annually. I don't work outside the home, but I do everything else. Cleaning, grocery shopping, cooking for dinner, taking dog out twice daily for walks, laundry, paying bills, taking out garbage, dishes, vacuum, trips to vet, setting up all appointments. In addition, I am a size 6 and very in shape and many people say 'beautiful.' Sooo, my husband is constantly on my case and tells everyone at his job that I 'sit at home all day.' He is always saying to me how I am not using my education and that 'all families today are dual income.' His parents were Polish immigrants. He was born here, in the states. In addition, he only wants sex once a month on average, and he watches porn often to masturbate. Should I leave him???
2007-06-07 03:54:59 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your husband has lost respect for you. Talk to him and ask him if he expects you to bring home a paycheck. Let him know that if you do work, the two of you will have to split the household chores. You need to earn his respect. BTW, you're not using your education. You're capable of more than being a stay-at-home-doggy-mom.
2007-06-07 04:01:06 · answer #1 · answered by Schwinn 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
He's not rude -- he's right. You are "sitting at home all day" and you are wasting your education. You should be contributing something. All those "things you do" every day can easily be done in your off hours of working. You know it; he knows it.
I don't care if you're "beautiful" or have a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp; whether you're a "size 6" or fat as a cow...There's no excuse for sitting on your lazy a$$ at home -- with your only responsibilities being taking the dog for walks and keeping house.
Should you leave him? I'm surprised he hasn't left you (and I'll bet the thought has crossed his mind). There are a lot of pretty women out there, many of whom are actually willing to work and contribute something to a household. You may not know that but he does -- because he sees them every day.
He masturbates and watches porn and only has sex with you once a month, likely because he's lost interest in you.
Based on the way he talks about you to his coworkers -- he doesn't have a whole lot of respect for you....and really...there's no reason why he should.
It's tough to come up with the desire to have sex with someone you already know you resent, but whom you also have absolutely no respect for. Doesn't matter if they're "pretty" or "a size 6." Resentment and lack of respect kill desire.
In his eyes, you're a disappointment, an obligation, and a liability, and he's pretty much told you -- and everyone else --that.
2007-06-07 04:07:55 · answer #2 · answered by biiiiaaach 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
what does being a size 6 have anything to do with this question is beyond me!
There are millions of women doing the same things as you are. We do all the billls, housework, and so many other things with children involved.
It's nice that you don't "have" to work with your hubby bring in $100k. That's something most of us don't have, but if it's a problem in your marriage, why not work part time. It still wouldn't be a full time job and you wouldn't have your husband getting on your case about not working.
I haven't heard you give any real situation that your husband was being rude about. Sounds like you're looking for reasons to leave him.
If you're having sex problems, then sit down and talk thing through with him, maybe go to a counselor, but divorce isn't the answer here I believe.
I hope everything works for you.
2007-06-07 04:56:37 · answer #3 · answered by mel 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you really want to shut him up?
Stop everything for 1 week no nothing. and I mean nothing.
NO
dinner,dishes,laundry,groceries,cleaning,
NOTHING
I would gather a retriever bomb and place it on his side of the unmade bed
No shower ,bath, brushing your hair, Buy lots of ice cream, leave wrappers all over the place, stay in your oldest baggiest pajamas
And simply tell him this is what happens if I all I do is lay around the house.
P.S. buy some of your own PORN, get your own toys, tell him this is the last step before you leaving.
ON THE OTHER HAND
You may not have to work but, why don't you have a career. Someone spent a lot of money for your education. For you not to use it is somehow wrong.
If you were to leave what would you do for money?
Hope this helps
2007-06-07 04:12:45 · answer #4 · answered by walker9842 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You never stated whether or not you where happy with this set up. Do you like not working. I would say that maybe you should work especially since you don't have any kids to be at home with. Two incomes are better than one and all the things that you are doing sound like they can be doing after work hours and you could pay someone to walk your dog. Come on honey get with the program sounds like he should be the one asking the ? should I say
2007-06-07 04:08:51 · answer #5 · answered by mrsknowitall 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is only my opinion, but I would say that if he only wants sex once a month and he is so young, then he probably is cheating. The reason he doesn't like you home, and would prefer you to work outside the home is so that you can't keep tabs on him so easily. When you are home everyday you know exactly when he gets home and if has any unaccountable time . If my husband was watching porn and masturbating & I am always there and readily available, then I definitely would think there was a problem. I think you need to keep a journal of his comings and goings, keep an eye on his cell phone as that is a cheaters main tool. Good luck.
2007-06-07 04:07:53 · answer #6 · answered by Goldie 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
K I just answered a Q in regards to "why do people give up on love so easily" you sound like one of them.....do you love him? why did your Q have to end with "should I leave him" maybe you should get a job I don't mean to be hurtful here but come on.....why do you choose not to work? maybe your husband feels as though you take him for granted and that you only married him for his money.....I mean was it really necessary for you to tell us how much he makes? do you feel like you shouldn't have to work cause he makes so much money? .. I do not work either but I have three kids (no dog) however I do the same things you do and then some not to mention I will be going back to work in Sept when my youngest goes into 1st grade....and what the hell does the size of your waist and what you look like have to do with anything? ...as far as him not wanting to have sex but once a month and him masturbating instead sounds to me like it doesn't matter to him that you are a size 6 and that other people call you "beautiful" but that maybe he doesn't see you in that light cause you are acting like a spoiled child why would he want to have sex with a child.......I'm sure that I'll get many thumbs down for this but I don't care.....I told you exactly how I see it according to your own wording in your Q...you probably thought you where making yourself sound like a saint but that's not how I read it...
2007-06-07 04:24:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I thought you were going to say something really bad. Like my husband calls me a lazy, fat slob and tells me I'm worthless, doesn't let me see my family, accuses me of cheating when I go to visit my mother, spends all the $$ and never lets me have any. Your marriage seems like a dream marriage compared to the one I was in. I did all the above as well as worked a FT job w/ overtime.
None the less seems your husband is resentful that you get to stay at home, while he works...that is something that you both have to agree on. Only way to resolve the issue is to communicate your grievances and find a solution that will make both of you happy.
2007-06-07 04:09:10 · answer #8 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why is divorce always the answer. He has given you a good home, financial stability. If you want sex talk to him. Perhaps, he doesn't feel that you are interested. Remember divorce is not always the right answer, sometimes we have to reopen the lines of communication and try dating our husbands again, do the things that we did when we were dating, seduce him. Good luck
2007-06-07 04:02:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmm If hes so weird about you not working I would tell him that you will get a job but he is going to have to pay for the maid, the cook, the cleaning lady, the laundry service and the dog walker to replace you and that will just cost him alot of money. But seriously it sounds like he needs counseling and if you want your marriage to work then you both need to be willing to go to counseling....Good luck!
2007-06-07 04:06:36 · answer #10 · answered by kceg85 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋