Should i stay in a trustless marriage?

Question

I need some advice.... Ive been married for 5 months now to the love of my life but there are some issues that we have been working on. when i met him i thought things were perfect as it turns out though he was "emotionally cheating" on me with a good girl friend of his after about 5 months of my suspicons he came clean about it and how terrible he felt he blamed the straying heart on the fact that he had been gong through alot and drinking heavily and that had clouded his better judgment it was hard but i stayed in order to help me get past it and to better our relationship i made a promise to him and he made one to me i would stop bringing up the past as it was bad for the present and he would seize all contact with this woman by phone email etc... things were going great for the past few months and even though he is currently deployed our relationship was strong however last night he said that he has talked to her apparently she left him a voicemail regarding his car title and that she had it and he called her back to make arrangments to have it mailed to our house. but in doing so he broke a promise to me and he opened up that whole messy can of worms again we have been working out my trust issues with him and i just feel like this is a huge set back and im confronted with the fact that all our progress is gone and weve got to start over again i guess the question to myself is should i stay or should i go i love him with all that i have and dont want to lose him but if i dont will he see that as weakness on my part or perhaps the right to break promises to me whenever he so chooses??? advice????


confused.

Answer 1

Let it go. If he was HONEST with you about the phone call (which it seems he was) and the title to his car DOES show up (which it should), then there's nothing to worry yourself over. If however you find in the future that the contact progresses again, THEN you have a legitimate gripe.

I mean, what was he supposed to do? Have YOU contact her for the title? Please just calm yourself...you're overreacting to this rather innocent-appearing phone call.

Answer 2

You should try to stay with him, only because you've been married for only 5 months. The first 2 years are the hardest, so work on building trust and if you still don't feel like he's putting everything into your marriage, then do what you need to do.

Answer 3

if I understand correctly-he told you about the communication-thus not hiding it from you. It seems innocent enough. Sometimes you must swallow your pride and take a step back. He did not conceal the fact he had talked to her, & came clean w/ you about it-to me that is him trying to maintain your trust be not hiding it. Would you rather he not told you? Not living in the past does not automactically mean that your past has disappeared, and it sounds to me like this was legit business. You can't have it both ways, be appriciative of the honesty and be honest w/ him. Trust is a 2 way street. He trusted you to handle the truth you need to trust that he is being truthful. If you love him, deal with it-if him having a past is too hard for you to deal w/ move on...he has made mistakes and I am going to go out on a limb and guess that you are not perfect yourself...TALK TO HIM, not strangers...

Answer 4

I don't buy the idea. Marriages stay for ever if postmarital life is handled carefully by both of the couple to create conditions of being co-operative, sweet, soft, sincere & tolerent & loving each other. After marriage procedures it is immaterial whether marriage was love or arranged otr through first or last love. Stability of marriage is the most important things for which both husband & wife both have to adjust, compromise & sacrifice so many things &, desires & cherished ambitions. If any boy/girl is not ready for these things he/she should not marry but one day everyone has to marry. That is these things are not escapable for completely peaceful future life. Aceept the reality please. Method of marriage soon goes to background having no importance at all, absolutely. It is very disgusting to think of love more than once. Real love never fails, bogus ones do. I never had to face any situation like any love before marriage at all. I myself & wife very deeply love each other constantly, so much that I cannot express in words , by grace of God.

Answer 5

definetly try to stay with him...it seems as though you're not truely over the whole thing with him and this just one event is bringing it to surface again but you shouldn't let that end a great relationship. first, he told you about him talking to her so obviously he didn't think it was a big deal in terms of anything between them. second, what was he supposed to do? just not get his car title back? If he continues not to talk to her I think that you two could stay together, but remember that time heals all, maybe talk to him about what you're feeling and say that you understand that he needed his car title back and don't want to bring out the past but please not to talk to her again because it really hurts you :)
good luck!

Answer 6

You are in a marriage. Its not dating. For better or worse, remember? Talk to each other, tell him how it hurt you. Your the one he married, not anyone else. You are the one he comes home to and he's not physically cheating. Take some some and think about what marriage means to both of you.

Answer 7

uh, A car title is a necessary order of business. When you pay off a car you need that title in case you ever want to trade it in. He had to make arrangements to get it...you are being childish and unreasonable in this case.
Straighten your self up...or you are going to lose him. No one can stay in a relationship when the person you are with doesn't trust you, because you TALK to someone.

Answer 8

he didn't sleep with her did he??you know while he was deployed and trying to get his car title back..as i see it he didn't break a promise he just handled some unfinished business that he didn't even bring up.listen sweetie i know you have trust issues and he should not of talked to her. yes he should of and could of handled it differently,but he didn't ..it does not mean he wants anything to do with her.its done and over with do not dwell on it.if you love him it will work out .go get some help for yourself and when hes back go together.don't make yourself miserable over something like this its small in comparison to what some husbands and wife do to each other...good luck!!

Answer 9

In a word, no.

There's no point in continuing a relationship that is completely devoid of trust. Better to get out before there are children involved, because that makes it even harder to leave.

Answer 10

If you are only 5 months in get out NOW! It'll hurt, won't be easy emotionally at all but trust me, it's more stress on you worrying and you won't truly be happy. Personally, I wouldn't give him the chance to humiliate me.