my husband doesn't want to work. i'm falling out of love. i'm working and providing everything in the house.

Question

I believe that if a man loves a woman he'll at least try and work to provide for her as its written in the Bible. is this right. I'm confused because i'm suddenly attracted to this guy at the gym. i haven't done anything about it, but i feel my husband is driving me away. Imagine i leave for work in the morning and i leave him in bed and i still have to come and cook supper for him whilst he spends his whole time doing nothing. is this fair. We've been married for a year and 6 months. He's 36 and i'm 29. Please help me.

Answer 1

Tell him it is either get a job or it is over. You can't be so stressed out. It is not good for you. Good luck!!

Answer 2

Do you have kids at home? Does he have a disability? Does he work from home in any way? If all answers are no then he needs to get a job or get out. If there are kids, or he is hurt, or maybe does ebay from home or something, then it is hard to get up everyday and jump into the rat race without resenting the "freedom" you feel he may have at home all day. Society has taught us about what the roles of man and woman should be in the home. That they should both be working and earning equal pay. When this standard is not met, you feel resentment. Understandable. However you two need to talk and come up with an agreement. If he is looking for a job, then in the mean time you would greatly appreciate him doing a,b,and c around the house that day. Guys do not just do things without being told, but do not nag. Just be clear about what you want. If he takes out the trash, thank him. If he does the dishes tell him how much that helped you out. You will see that he will begin to do more for you. Men like to make us happy, but if you do not notice, or you nag, and complain, they will give up. It sounds like that is what happened here. When you get home today go give your honey a big hug and kiss tell him that you love him. Cook him a nice dinner and explain lovingly what you want and expect from him. Good Luck!

Answer 3

Is there any reason your husband doesn't work? Is he dealing with depression or anything of that matter? What was the agreement and understanding on how things would be before you got married? Bible days men did go out and do the work and the women stayed home and took care of the home and children. But women's lib has brought on many changes in our society. Women no longer want to stay home and take care of the kids and the home. So alot of men now take on this responsibility and the women go outside the home and earn the living. So you really can't say like the Bible says...

Have you spoke to your husband about your feelings and told him what you are expecting from him and your wants? If you have and he still continues to do the same thing then I would give him an ultimatum. Try marriage counseling. Or tell him, Get a job or get out.

As far as the guy at the gym.. Sounds like your wanting to jump out of the frying pan into the fire. Don't blame your husband for your looking outside the marriage at another guy. Your doing that not him. Don't use him as the excuse for your considering adultery, that's totally unfair. If your not happy get out of the marriage and get over it before you jump right into another one. Your just going to find more problems if you don't get over the ones your dealing with now.

Answer 4

He's not driving you away, you're angry at him for his laziness and so you are looking for a way out. Do not complicate the situation by involving the man at the gym, it is not fair to him nor is it fair to your marriage. You need to sit your husband down and tell him that bitterness is taking root because you feel you are the only person contributing to the financial/physical well being of this marriage and that you frankly don't care if he flips burgers to make an income but you need him to start putting forth an effort. If he refuses, suggest counseling...He is married and he needs to step up and be the husband!

Answer 5

Your husband is obviously taking advantage because you are unhappy about your situation but appear mainly to be blaming him, while you reinforce his actions by allowng him to get away with his behaviour. Naturally, you will find someone else attractive in this instance because you are not getting much at home. But you need to sort home first before another relationship.

If you want change, you have to change YOURSELF first. You will not get change in your husband any other way. So, start off by telling him calmly that you are doing everything and you need some help if you are to continue bringing in the money. Then you make a schedule of everything you both do, and clearly mark out what he has to do each week, if he wishes to stay at home. Tell him that the marriage is in danger if he does not play his part. Then put it on a trial for a couple of weeks, no more. When he completes his schedule, praise him for everything he does because it sounds as though he is not getting much affirmation just now with you being resentful of his behaviour. There is nothing for him to feel proud of and staying in bed is his way of shutting out your success and controlling the situation.

If nothing happens from his side, you then have to do something drastic to show him you are serious, otherwise you will simply end up getting more of the same forever and ever. After all, who wouldn't please himself if he had someone to not only look after him through working, but come home and look after him there as well? I'm afraid you have to stop blaming him and give him some ultimatums instead. Blaming might make you feel temporarily better, but it resolves nothing at all except make you out to be the bad guy, the opposite of what you really want.

I think your husband has problems of low self-belief and so takes the easy way out by letting you get on with it, but you should not have put up with this beyond the first 3-6 months otherwise, it simply continues.

Answer 6

Well it doesn't say in the Bible that a man has to work. It says that the man is the spiritual head of the household. What's funny about your question is that you want your husband to follow your interpretation of the Bible, while you are eyeing another dude at the gym. Infidelity is the only reason the bible gives for divorce. I'm not all hung up on what the bible says myself, I just thought it was funny that you brought it up.

Aside from all that, your husband does have responsibilities to provide for the household. He's not holding up his end of the partnership. Don't let him get by with it. Cut him off financially. If he doesn't get his act together, then leave his lazy butt.

Answer 7

Your husband may be clinically depressed. Make an appointment with his primary health care physician for a complete check up and a referral to a psychologist. Go from there. Don't strip your integrity by becoming involved with another man until your marriage is totally over.

Answer 8

Talk to your husband. Don't give up on your marriage just yet. You both are just beginning marriage. Do you really want to end it already? I understand it's rough being the one that does everything, but I think you should let him know how you are feeling. Seek some marriage counseling if you have to. If you are always following what the bible says which I am not saying that you shouldn't (that's up to you), then remember adultery is a no no!!!

Answer 9

Its not fair but don't judge Love on Stress. For better or worse! Is he depressed? Maybe see if he'll go to the doctor. Sounds like something more than lazy going on. Be patient to a point. Have respect for your marriage. And for the guy at the gym he will make good "self" stimulation material.

Answer 10

I totally agree with you. That is one of the main reasons why i divorced my ex-husband. Its very hard in a relationship, for one of the two to do all of the work. It takes two for the relationship to grow strong. I feel that he should try and look for work, and while unemployed he should help do chores around the house. You cant continue to do everything by yourself. If you do, you might as well stay single and be on your own, As for the guy at the gym, i believe you are attracted to him because he seems to be doing something for himself (unlike hubby). In my opinion, Try not to jump into a new relationship. Looks can be decieving.

Answer 11

There is something going on here and you need to figure it out or suffer a lot of pain. Any man who is a man will want to work and support his wife and family. It is what real men do. It sounds like someplace along the pathway he has lost his way. He needs counseling and you should go as well. It'll help clarify things.