how can I save my abusvie marriage?

Question

I been married for five years now and my husband is abusvie to me we have no kid but he wants some one day he like to hit on me sometimes he thanks he is god and women need to go to hell i fell to we need help with are marriage I feel sad day by day my friend don't like him they don't want to come around I love him alot but I want my marriage better what can i do

Answer 1

How can you say you love someone who has such little regard for you or your feelings?
Your husband should protect you, not hit you.
Please get some counseling to find out why you allow yourself to be treated this way. How did you end up with this guy in the first place? Why don't you have enough self-respect to know that this isn't the place for you.
Abusers tend to make their victims feel unloveable- like they're lucky to have the abuser because noone else could possibly love them. Please know that that's not true. Abusers also tend to isolate their victims- like you said, your friends don't want to come around....
Please get out now before the abuse escalates any further.

Answer 2

What you have is not a marriage therefore there is nothing to save. No offense but you have heard this from other answerers and you need to listen.

Most abuse stems from a persons insucurities so they lash out at others. It is a way to feel power. As long as the object of abuse is about the abuser will never look inward. So on that note whatever happens you need to leave . Whatever you have done and tried to save your marriage or change things has not worked correct?

That is why you must leave. Doubtful he will change but maybe, just maybe he may realize that you mean it and are standing up for yourself. When he sits and looks at an empty house maybe this will give him pause. But if you do decide to start workingit out don't just move back. It will take time and effort on his part.

A real marriage works like this........ no one is superior. I am good at some things and my wife is good at others. We are a team and compliment each other as a partnership. She also knows that I would never harm her in anyway and would rather have something happen to me than her. She deserves that because she makes be happy and cares for me.

Real men, mature men, never hit a women regardless of the circumstances. So you need to go home to Mom or something.

Answer 3

I just got out of an abusive marriage after 13 years. I stayed because we had 3 kids together. It will only get worse and now that I am in a stable loving relationship I'm so much happier and so are my kids. If I were you I would get out while you can, I know it's hard but I stayed and mine turned extremely violent. He tried to kill me and he has a domestic battery charge against him. He also has a restraining order from his ex girlfriend so it wasn't just me, it's the way he is. I don't think people like that can change. You go through periods where things are ok and you think, "it's not so bad". But believe me it is bad and you deserve to be treated with love and respect. I'm not an advocate for divorce but I do think abuse is the ultimate deal breaker. It destroys your spirit and you end up with very low self esteem, life is too short!

Answer 4

If you've been married for five years, and this is going on. It will be going on 20 years from now. Potentially with your children as well. You a hole husband is not a man. Men do not hit women.
The best thing for you to do is leave the marriage "NOW"!
Point blank! This behavior will never change, it is apart of his being. You get to read in the new how some estranged husband killed his wife. It didn't just happen. It had been going on for a long time. But, she thought he would change over time. Once he knew she really loved him, he'd change. So she goes thru this every day of her life. Getting hit, and cursed at. Telling herself that tomorrow will be different. She's right tomorrow is different. Tomorrow becomes today, he goes a little further, and kills her.
Who fault is it? His for killing her? Yes! , But it's also hers for staying.
If your afraid to leave him, because of what he might do. Call your local sheriffs office, and they can take you to an abused women's shelter.

Answer 5

I feel so sorry for you. Listen to what you just said:

(1) Husband is abusive.
(2) He hits you sometimes.
(3) He thinks he is God and women need to go to hell.
(4) You feel sad day by day.
(5) Your friends don't like him, don't want to come around.
(6) He wants you to have kids.
(7) YOU LOVE HIM A LOT!!!!

You love a man who does not show you love and respect. You would be crazy to have children who would probably be abused and who would have to watch him abusing you. Be thankful that you don't have any children with him yet. This is not a good man. You need to go for some counselling, not to save the marriage but to save yourself. Don't you love yourself enough to want more out of life? Think about this and decide.

Answer 6

Sweetie you need to get out of there fast or you will end up in a pine box, if he is beating on you and has no respect for you why stay around to accommodate him as a punch bag. And definitely don't think of bringing children in to this farce if it's like this without children it will get worse when they arrive and he has more to irritate him. Children don't deserve to be born into a abusive relationship because they suffer more than you will in the end. Having a child wont make it better it will make it worse, Pack a bag and get out, how can you love someone who has no problem using you as a punch bag and thinks so little of you and all women. Do your unborn kids a favour and find a real husband and father

Answer 7

I'm afraid I don't think you are going to find a way to make your marriage better! The problem is not from your side, it is your husband's, since he "Likes to hit on you sometimes, and thinks he is God". Bringing a child into such a relationship is the worst thing you can do. Do you realize that if your child sees his/her father treating you this way, that they will believe it is the right way for women to be treated? Unfortunately, no amount of love on your part is going to change him. Your friends can see what type of person he is, even if you cannot, so listen to what they say. Love has blinded you to the fact that one of these days, he may cause you some real damage. You need to seriously think about leaving this relationship.

Answer 8

First of all dear you are not a punching bag you are your own person don't let anyone take that part from you if you really want to save this marriage ask him to go to counseling with you if he refuses or gets P**** over it then dear you need to get out even though you love him he don't you or he would not be hitting you or abusing you in anyway trust me i went through this for 14 years and one day i woke up got dressed and left never been back since he was a sexual, verbal,physical abuser no kids either but if they are going to do this to us what makes you think that child has a chance its time to straiten up or get out it is hard and will take time i wish you the best and please be careful there is help out there and he is not the only man shoot if he hits you he is not a man yet he is still working on his own life and don't know how to deal with it in general take care and get help and get out if help don't work, take all in fact read read read and get help. praying for you ........ Rose

Answer 9

You do NOT save abusive relationships because they just get worse. Every time that person hits on you, and you accept it, the abuse increases. Why would you want a marriage which is abusive? Do you love yourself so little? Don't you think you deserve any better?

Get out of there fast because no abuse gets better when you sit in it and reinforce the actions by your silence and your presence. Please, as one woman to another, get some help to deal with this but DON'T try to save it. We save positive, uplifting things in life, not negative things which destroy us in the end.

Answer 10

Unless he is willing to get help and figure out why he is so abusive, things aren't going to change. You need to ask him to get counseling with you so you can try to overcome these problems. He has NO Right whatever to be hitting on you and you are foolish to put up with it.

And whatever you do, don't have children until he changes (and don't tell him that). A child does not need to be brought into a horrible relationship like this.

And if you decide to stay with him even if he won't get help and won't change, make sure you have your will ready and give it to someone in your family. Sad to say but you are asking for more trouble if you stay and he doesn't change.