Long distance r'ship..he strayed, can I take him back?

Question

Can believe I'm asking..but I'm in (or was) in a VERY long distance r'ship with who I thought was a wonderful man. Four months in he rang me up very distressed because he was attracted to someone else. He had ‘messed around’ with her but not slept with her or kissed her. I finished it with him, cancelled my flight and chalked it up to a huge mistake. Two days later (he had slept with her in this time) he started ringing, emailing, leaving messages pleading temporary insanity and distance. We were only together a month before he went, I had just never felt so sure of anything before. He’s paid my flight and is coming over in September...to stay at least a year. He wants to try again then (or now, but I can’t now). I don’t know what to do. I accept that people make mistakes under these circumstances especially, and also I love him a LOT. But I am SO hurt…HELP!

Answer 1

Theres plenty more fish in the sea.

Answer 2

You'll probably get some awful answers but i say go for it .

You have not yet established between each other a shared security and if you had i doubt this would have happened .

He confessed an attraction he felt was wrong even before he did anything about it , your reaction made him feel that all was lost and so he may as well go ahead and sleep with her .

Neither of you are virgins so put it behind you and give yourselves an even start.

He gave in to an urge caused by you not being there , he called you for help and you kicked him , he followed the downward spiral .
Now you have decided that perhaps there is a chance for it to work your tearing both of you apart with indecision , never mention it again and see how things work out.

Good luck .

Answer 3

One mistake in a relationship is forgivable, but if it were to happen again, then you would be fooling yourself to think he would or even could change.
I think the big question lies with you! Are you able to forgive him, and will you ever be able to trust that he won't do it again as soon as he is working away again?
These are the questions you have to ask yourself.
Whatever the answers, don't put yourself through the pain of uncertainty.
If you decide to give it another go, then I wish you the best of luck, however, if you decide that despite your feelings for this man, you can never trust him again, then let me make a promise to you. It will hurt like mad for a while, and people telling you there are plenty mre fish in the sea will not make you feel better...
Get used to calling yourself single again, spend time with friends, preferably not discussing men, and family... Be comfortable with who you are and when the time is right you will meet someone you know implicitely you can trust.

I say this from experience.

Good luck in whatever decision you make

Answer 4

at the end of the day, if you're in a relationship there is little excuse for cheating on a partner. in my book, if someone wants to have it away with someone else then they should have the back bone and call teh relationship to an end and respect the other person, not go behind their back.
The fact that this guy 'fooled around' with someone shows theres little respect or faithfulness. the fact that he did actually sleep with her shows there si NO respect or faithfulness.
I wouldnt take him back if i were you, because a part of you will never trust him. that little (or it may be big) part of you will be with you the whole time you spend with this man. you will never feel comfortable or assured that he will never do such a thing again.

i know the pain of love is something thats hard to get over, and its even worse if there is betrayal attached, but this is why you have to be strong and assertive and have confidence in yourself.
for your own sake, dont take this person back. tell him not to come back, cos you seriosuly dont need people like this around you. there will always be negativity and that is not the basis of a healthy relationship.

Answer 5

Take the flight, but stay in a hotel. Talk, meet and discuss. Don't let him into your bed until you know how you feel. My long-distance guy came back with a new wife who he introduced to me at the welcome-home reception I had organised - it's tough, but you get over it eventually

Answer 6

No, he had the chance to run back to you before he slept with her, he wasn't missing you then and he is just scared of losing you, this is all about his wants and needs and not once has he thought of you....no he does not deserve a second chance now...move on or you will regret it

Answer 7

You would always be thinking that he had done it once before and no matter what excuse or reason they give.
There is no justifiable reason for a companion to cheat on their partner. Also if he thinks you’ll take him back after this he may do it again, do you think he was thinking of you while he was with her?

Answer 8

the only one that can make that decision is you but if you do decide to take him bk make sure you make him work hard to get you and show him your not a soft touch cuz once you have shown a male that they will do it over and over again trust me i have made that mistake once to many good luck Hun x x

Answer 9

ultimately its up to you, but i think you would find it hard to trust him again, and then all sorts of paranoia will develop and then it could end up worse.

I'm in long distance relationship, and i love immensly. If he cheated on me i don't know what i'd do. But i think my trust in him would be shattered, to be honest, maybe you should just walk away.

Answer 10

I'd drop him. He's confessed to this one, but there's no telling how many other times he's done this and kept it to himself. I would even question the reason why he called to tell you about it. Maybe he got scared because the other girl was going to spill the beans and he tried to beat her to it before you got there to hear it from her. Run.....away from him as fast as you can!!!!!