A mutual friend of ours that I told I have a crush on has grown and I can not seem to get my mind off of him. I don't want to leave my husband, but I don't know what to do. My husband told me whatever I decide he will stand by my side and that he is there for me. I have the best husband in the world, but I can not seem to control how I feel, please help.
2007-06-07 02:52:39 · 43 answers · asked by mom2abigsis 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Me and this mutual friend are not already having an affair and have done nothing to jeopardize my marriage. It is the thought that I can not make go away.
The mutual friend knows that I have feelings for him and has said that "...he nor I would never cross that line...I am married...but he said he is flattered..." I think I have bothered him so much lately though that now our mutual friend will not return my calls or emails...
I am trying to think of that as a positive, because that would put our distance between each other, but it does not solve the problem that he is still on my mind.
I did not do this on purpose, I never wanted something like this to happen, especially being married to the man I planned on spending eternity with.
2007-06-07 03:19:43 · update #1
First of all props on being open and honest with your husband. To me that is a sign that you guys have a wonderful relationship and you should not f*** it up. I understand, sometimes you just can not control who you are attracted to and you catch yourself playing the what if I was with that person game. At the end of the day you already have something great, don't ruin it.
Having said all that, see if he is cool with the 3 some :-)..j/k...kind of..lol
2007-06-07 03:39:17 · answer #1 · answered by craigblitz 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I wouldn't say all that. Your husband seems like a nice guy but let's be realistic. You want your HUSBAND to take the back seat while your fatasizing about ANOTHER MAN. Honestly would you stand by him if he said he thought one of your friends were sexy and he couldn't stop thinking about her. Wait don't even answer that question just yet. We're going to let in marinate. When you got married there are some keys words that you vowed to GOD and your HUSBAND. Now it's another thing to fantasize about a man on television because chances are you will never meet that person which makes it a fantasy. But if a person is in arms reach that makes it the appetizer for adultery. Hope you know that now your husband's mind frame has changed due to your fantasy. He may say he is by your side but deep down inside he will always have that in his mind. Is my wife cheating on me with this MUTUAL FRIEND. How should I act around this guy knowing that my OWN WIFE has the hots for him. What other MUTUAL FRIEND may my wife have a crush on. I'm not saying you are wrong for having these feelings for someone else but it is wrong for you to let them linger like they have. As a woman and a wife you have to cut those images because they aren't right. Just think of how you would feel if the situation was reversed. Just being honest. Hope this helped
2007-06-07 03:29:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow. He sounds almost too understanding. He may be a wonderful husband but there has to be something missing for you to be desiring an old crush. Try evaluating what it is about him that is such a turn on - then bring into your marriage. For example, if he is complimentary, then see if your husband can compliment you more. If he is more affectionate, then see if your husband can be more physical. Make sense? There is no way I would leave my husband for just a crush. Especially if kids are involved. I would also stop seeing or communicating with this "mutual friend". You are just asking for further complications. Be committed to your marriage. It is normal to find other men attractive, but the key is to steer yourself back towards your husband. You are asking a lot from your husband while you figure these emotions out. It is unfair to him.
2007-06-07 03:13:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First mistake: Telling a mutual friend you have a crush on him, being married and all.
Second mistake: Telling your man about still desiring another.
The desire you have seems to be completely sexual in nature since you don't want to leave him just bang his friend.
You've already broken his heart so anything after may seem trivial to you but to him it's much more.
Lots of married people have desires but acting on them or risking your marriage for them is why some are divorced today.
You need to concentrate on your husband and get a sexual toy if that's what's required. I'd certainly not speak with the other guy again. I guess it depends on your lust for the guy or the love of your man.
Your husband is a saint!
2007-06-07 03:12:44 · answer #4 · answered by Fixguy 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You don't control yourself because you choose not to. Any of us can go back and think of others and "wish" or "dream" but when we become adults and get married, we leave all that behind.
If you have a husband like this, you need to be on your knees begging his forgiveness for hurting him. You need to get some counseling and take care of the man you have in your life. You have no reason to divorce because there is no adultery involved so work on this and let your husband know how much you treasure him.
If you truly love him, you won't do things like this to him. Stay away from the friend so temptation doesn't keep invading your mind.
Foundations for a good marriage:
Proverbs 31:10-31
Ephesians 5:22-33
2007-06-07 03:01:35 · answer #5 · answered by KittyKat 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You're trying so hard to deceive yourself that nothing else matters. It says a lot about how selfish you are.
When women say "I never meant to fall in love" they try to blame it on some feeling as if it overpowers them. No - you made numerous conscious decisions to call him, write him, flirt with him, let him know how you feel about him, spend time with him, adn so on. Nothing or no one *made* you. YOU PLANNED IT.
You'll never move an inch forward until you ADMIT YOU PLANNED THIS.
Next - you have indeed done things to jeopardize your marriage. [1] Spending in time with a man not your husband [2] workgin actively to develop a crush on him [3] letting him know [4] letting yrou husband know. All of these things jeopardize your marriage. You'll never move an inch forward until you ADMIT YOU HAVE DONE THESE.
Once again, you say you cannot control how you feel. Horsesh*t.
If your husband cheated on you, and if you *truly* believed what you said about not controlling how you feel, then **he** could say "Well, I couldn't control how I felt about her" and he could get off with no punishment or consequence. And you know that is complete bullsh*t.
Look - the heart of the matter is you refuse to admit you are making active choices to encourage this second relationship. You are. Until you can admit that you have planned, acted on, and encouraged all this, you'll never solve the problem of using a man who loves you and screwing a man who is so immoral he would bed a married woman.
I hope you get what you deserve.
2007-06-07 03:31:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The grass can be greener on the other side... you can be in love w/ another and it NOT BE LUST... Your husband and you may be on different roads now . You will never be happy thinking of another . it will make you lie and have secrets . This is not any longer a happy marriage. Do not live a lie . It will catch up w/ you ...i know .My husband did this to me for years and now I am the one who must face the music.... And its O k. I'll be O k . It caused me so much unhappiness and disrespect towards him that I shall never feel for him again... I will find that green grass b/c I want too..... He will now be free... and so will I..
2007-06-07 03:16:38 · answer #7 · answered by quen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ur taking advantage of ur sweet husband, u telling him that u cant take ur mind of another man...that is not right..and ur husband telling you that he will stand by ur side and he will be there for you...look at the situation here..he will stand by u because he loves you and he wants u to be happy. Oh MY God u dont deserve him...Does this other guy have feelings for you? R u already having an affair with him? U probably are thats why u told ur husband about him...
Good Luck
2007-06-07 03:10:41 · answer #8 · answered by txladybug_2 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
omg.. u should have never told your husband that. You wanted to clear your concience and hurt his heart. that was terrible. The grass is not always greener on the other side. You better think this through because he may look now for someone that deserves him and you may realize you made a big mistake. It may just be a phaze you are going through and this guy is looking good to you but your husband may also see someone and then he will be doing what you are doing and not being able to get a women off his mind.
Be careful what you wish for................
2007-06-07 03:08:42 · answer #9 · answered by HEAVEN 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just know, if you decide to go with the fantasy of this other guy in no time at all other women will be glad to have the good man you are married to. Don't take what you have for granted. I feel you are being insensitive to your husbands feelings.
2007-06-07 03:14:37 · answer #10 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋