relationship advice.?

Question

My girlfriend and I have been together for three years. She has always been a very insecure person and she has been hurt a lot in relationships and in the family. Her insecurities used to affect our relationhsip a little bit as far as jealousy, distrust. Now it's gotten much worse. My actions don't help because i've become resentful and cold at times. She refuses to see a therapist (saying she's tried and has never worked) and she is extremly reluctant to go to couple's counseling. The truth is that we love each other so much and we were so great together. I want to help her because i think she is suffering inside so much. She knows her issues and insecurities are a problem. Is there any other option for her to work through her problems without therapy? any suggestions....of course i would appreciate if no stupid posts but i can't prevent idiots from writing. thanks for the serious ones

Answer 1

You are a classic rescuer. You want to be the white knight riding in to save the distressed damsel except she doesn't want to be saved. And this will not change unless she gets help for herself. Sounds like she has a lot to work on but you are going to have face the fact that this relationship is not the right one for you. Stop trying to rescue and look for someone who brings more stability into the relationship. Marriage is difficult enough without all that baggage.

Answer 2

You sound like a very caring person, and trying very hard. You mentioned she won't see a therapist..when people hear seeing a therapist would be beneficial they are assuming you are saying they are crazy. Why don't you go to therapy with her, since it is affecting your relationship. Trust me when I say this....you have the fundamentals of a good relationship...you LOVE HER, and she is not the only woman out there with issues and experiencing fear of being insecure. she has been through alot. If you truly love her, try to go with her and be there for her...but if you cannot and won't...then you know what to do next.

Wishing you both the best!

It is sad that couples give up so easy nowadays.

Answer 3

The best thing you can do is be there for her and tell her alll the time how much you love her and treasure her. Tell her that while you know you'll never be able to understand what she's feeling, you're there to listen when she needs to talk and want to help in anyway possible. It takes a lot to admit you need to talk to a counselor, and most people dont need to. Most people need to know they've got a good support system right at home, because when you start diving into old memories -- a lot of pain can surface. I hope you see what you have been doing to push her button. I know my now wife i push her buttons at times and i have to stop back up and realize i was making it worse. Good luck hope you have a long and happy road ahead.

Answer 4

The best thing you can do is be there for her. Tell her that while you know you'll never be able to understand what she's feeling, you're there to listen when she needs to talk. It takes a lot to admit you need to talk to a counselor, and then to stick with it. Most people need to know they've got a good support system, because when you start diving into old memories -- a lot of pain can surface. I hope she's willing to get some type of help soon, good luck to the both of you.

Answer 5

I would suggest goint to the website http://www.husbandcheating-wifecheating.com and click on the menu tab for "Save Your Marriage". I know that you are not married and no one has cheated but....it gives you the tools to work through relationship problems without the hassle of going to a therapist. It is kind of a do-it-yourself relationship workshop. It will show you how to resolve conflicts with proper communication and it gives you a chance to see relationship issues from both the males point of view and females point of view. It is very effective. It does cost about $30.

Answer 6

First and foremost, you must talk to your girlfriend about how much you love her and your wanting to continue being with her. Then you may want to begin talking about the behaviors that are upsetting you... and whether she feels she can manage those behaviors without any professional help. She may want to try to see if she can handle these behaviors or emotions first on her own... and if she can't... i think you really have to encourage her to undergo therapy.

Actually, i think there isn't much you can do other than sharing your feelings with her... and being clear with her about your limits and boundaries. Be clear about what you are willing to endure... what you won't allow happen to you... and how these limits help preserve your self-respect. She also needs to set limits to help preserve her self-respect and self-esteem. If she can set some limits or boundaries... then it also gives you some information to work with so you don't "overstep your bounds".

You deserve happiness in your relationship... and your girlfriend needs to see that her depression is affecting your relationship together. She needs to take some action and do some work. You can only do so much....point her in the right direction for good resources... but ultimately, it's up to her to step to the plate here.

Good luck...

Answer 7

I might suggest you go to a therapist on your own and seek advice on how to deal with your wife and possibly their thoughts on approaching her about getting help together.

It is not likely that she will be able to deal with these issues by herself because she only knows one way of dealing with them. She has to step out of her way of thinking and that is not easy because it is all she knows. She may also need medication because this may be a physiological thing more than a psychological issue. You obviously love her very much and if she hasn't responded to that love it may take more than just counseling but that is OK. People do live better lives because of the medication they take. Just ask my wife. Good luck.

Answer 8

Sorry dude but her insecurities are more comforting and familiar than you! you need to get out of this relationship and only get back in when she has come to terms about her problem. You in the picture gives her no reason to change.

If you guys were so great together you would not be telling us your problem!

Answer 9

i know what you mean.. me and my boyfriend is kinda experiencing this kind of thing too and i told him to go see a therapiest and he got pissed off.. and told me that if the situation was change he would support me and understand me...not ask me to go see a doctor.. he was insulted for my advice..and i stop asking him too.. but with this argument he kinda see some light.. hope she will have her self-esteem back.. coz it is really hard to deal with that kind of thing.. do try to understand her and not upset her much and humor her this will make her feel much better.. and do go to happy places.. good luck.. and wish you guys the best

Answer 10

self esteem
till she gets it back, there is not much you can do, she alone has to want to help herself