What would you do in the circumstances?

Question

My wife`s younger sister, who is totally negative, a liar, deviant is jealous of my wife`s and I happy marriage of 40 years and twice she has come close to breaking us up.
What would you do in similar circumstances?

I have never made sexual approaches to my sister in law.
She has had a failed marriage and two or three disasters with other men.
Because of her bizzare behaviour, she cannot keep a man of her own.
When relating a story, she never, never, never discloses anything that would condemn her.
Being the older sister, my wife always looked after her and cannot break the mold.
She is very convincing. She once complained to the police that her husband came in drunk and punched her in the face. Further questioning revealed that as her husband entered the room on returning, she hit him with a coffee table.
It was several hours later that she admitted that.
She is: "Poor little me! Everyone is nasty to my and I don`t know why."
You get the picture.

Answer 1

Id find every reason to avoid her. Talk to your wife, surely she sees the pattern. But given it is her sister, that is sometimes a hard bond to break.

Answer 2

Unfortunately, if your sister-in-law has twice come close to breaking up your marriage, there may not be much that you can do to keep it from happening again. Your wife must know by now what her sister is like. If she chooses to believe her when she tries to stir up trouble in your marriage, then that's that.

An ultimatum to choose between you and her won't work because you can't force people to choose between you and their family. That always ends up making you look like the bad guy. Although it's not a fun way to live, probably all you can do is make sure your wife always knows where you are. If your 40-year marriage hasn't convinced her that she can trust you, then your day-to-day actions will have to show her that you've got nothing to hide.

Answer 3

I'd say its pretty much in your wife's hand after all that is her sister. Do let your wife know how you feel but don't make her choose between her sister and you. Also you may not like her sister but for your wife's sake, show some respect. Don't hate. At the same time don't let her sister be a push over in your lives. I can relate to this question. I just cant change my stubborn half but that's another story lol Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

If shes interfering make sure you and your wife present a united front. Be utterly honest with your wife, and try and be forgiving to the sister in law. She sounds so unhappy, who would put up with her if not for her family? She'd have no one. Sometimes people do things even they dont understand, and regret doing after. She sounds like even she cant stand herself. You've done well to cope so far. I can see where caring for her can get you embroiled, but you can care about her without taking her side and getting messed up in her schemes. Maybe she gets you invlolved to prove you care? Maybe it's the only attention she gets? Your wife loves her despite her faults, I guess you'll just have to do the same. Keep the focus on you and your wife being a partnership, join with your wife in her desire to help her poor sister. Both of you together will be stronger than your wife on her own trying to help, maybe this time it will get through.

Answer 5

How in the heck did she do that?? You and your wife should be close enough by now to ignore what her sister says.. tell your wife you don't wont her sister around, she causes too much trouble..
You have had 40 years of a good marriage and sister is still jealous??? what the heck is going on?? what is sister saying to cause this trouble?? show your wife that she is lying and jealous and sister will have no one to mess with.
pretty soon, sister can tell your wife that she had sex with you and wife will laugh and tell you what sister said..

Answer 6

You seemed to be doing a good job the last 40 years of not letting the little sister interfere in your marriage. After 40 years of marriage, you both have a wonderful bond together and no one can get in your way of your happy marriage not even the little sister.

Answer 7

well u both know she's jealous of u, so what do u have to do?
well i'm not saying don't talk to her or have nothing to do with her but u must remember to slow things down between u and ur wife with her. I mean don't have her in ur marriage too much, don't tell her too much and u two try to keep ur talks secret when she's around, if u really love ur wife i think u two can work something out instead of letting this jealous buddy break ur marriage up, tell her to piss off from ur lives

Answer 8

I would talk to your wife about her sister. Try not to speak in totally negative terms. Tell your wife that you want to distance yourselves from her sister b/c she has been a negative force in your relationship. Tell your wife you care deeply about her and your marriage. You just think it is unhealthy for the two of you to have her in your lives. You can still see her on holidays but you don't have to be your sister in law's best friend by any means.
Good luck. Families are hard. Especially in lawS

Answer 9

Each person makes their own decisions. Other people can influence how we feel and what we think, but we make up our own minds. If you wife believes her sister over you, it is because she decided she wanted to.
No one can come between two married people unless one of the married people puts the 3rd person in the middle. You know?
After 40 years of marriage, I'd expect you already know trust and communication are the keys to any successful relationship.

Answer 10

Your wife needs to sort her sister out. She needs to lay down the ground rules. If you get involved it might harm your relationship when things are strong between the the two sisters.
Unfortunately in many instances family members cannot see what outsiders see. Support your wife in whatever she decides.
Good luck.