Being homosexual - why is it more than just loving your own gender?

Question

I am going to try and word my question very carefully, as this isnt an attempt to bait people.

What I want to know is, why is it that "homosexuality" (I'm sorry, I dont have a better term, it sounds so clinical) is more than simply one persons choices and lifestyle - it is a culture and a form of behaviour.

And I dont mean in the obvious way, that gays will obviously seek one another in places like gay nightclubs and all that to both link up and to avoid prejudice, I mean in individual behaviour.

Some people are born camp, and this doesnt always correllate to being gay, but other people as soon as they come out of the closet become raging queens. Obviously this is a generalisation - I have a lot of gay friends, some keep themselves to themselves and you woudlnt even know, some are desperate for it to be obvious.

I want to know why gay culture encapsulates that behaviour type, not only that, but embraces it - especially when it must cause such alienation from bigtos.

Answer 1

One influence that affects our behaviour is when we see ourselves as freed from any of the restraints that we may have perceived ourselves as being influenced by.

For example, if guys feel pressured to have to act hyper male, or macho, to fit-in as straight, then once they get a realisation that they don't need or want to have to fit into this norm, then they can loosen up a bit - or as much as they want to.

I know alot of straight guys who feel over-pressured to have to continuously prove their masculinity. Modern western cultures have released some of the internalised inhibitions, and 'new man' has increasingly allowed himself to show his sensitivity and more loving characteristics more: this has happened in the straight world more and more. Thank goodness.

I'm a very masculine man, as typically perceived by others, I'm also attracted to men. I've allowed myself to be liberated from having to conform to a stereotype that doesn't always allow me to be myself. I push the boundaries sometimes, as I see fit, and occasionally will behave in ways that most straight guys don't. I just feel free to do so, because I've changed my rules. I think alot of gay men do so, some to a much greater degree than others.

Another influence upon gay group and single's behaviour has been historical, where gay men predominantly adopted effeminate behaviour, often centering around the theatrical world in major cities such as London (this goes back for centuries in the UK). This persisted through to recent decades. People unconsciously tend to fit in with social norms, and I think this has had a lasting effect to today.

So a range of influences, and modern people shrugging off straight-jacketting controls, even with straight man today. Hope these quick thoughts help.

Good luck! Rob

Answer 2

They actually just aired a show on 20/20 or 60 minutes or one of those shows. It said that there is actually a genetic link between sexuality and behavior. That there are links to being gay and having certain movement and behavioral traits. I'm a bi female, but I'd have to say I lean more towards gay than straight. While, I don't think I read immediately as gay, I have to admit I have some physical qualities that would probably be considered more masculine. Example, I have long hair, wear make-up and have a handbag obsession but I don't cross my legs when I sit and I almost always lean back with my arms spread out on the back of the couch or chair or whatever. I don't think any of the "masculine" traits I have are "learned" behaviors as when I grew up and came out, I wasn't around any other gays really. It's just me. And I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Personally, I think the problem is that we associate physical traits and preferences with being either male or female. Why do we have to do that? The same thing with style of clothing. If a girl's butch, some say she dresses like a guy. If you take the whole male/female concept out of contention, it all seems kind of pointless to analyze. The bottom line is there are different energies in the world, we all have our own energy, some of us are dominate and may opt to express that in how we dress and it will be obvious in our movements and physicalites. Some of us are more sumissive and that will come across. Some of us are middle of the road and may have traits from both sides. Why do any of these traits have to be ascribed to being male or female? The way we move and dress tells about who we are on the inside, not what genitalia we have.

Answer 3

I maybe able to shed some light on the subject but once again a brilliant question...the fact of the matter is in any social community there are bond to be differences and similarities just like in the str8 world (as I like to call it) you find men that like to drink beer....try to pick up women when others are sports fanatics or others that are quite and soft...the reason that you can find only 2 different kinda of gay guy one- "Flaming" (sort of really out there girlie or obvious) is because they been held back for a while that they just want to run free I guess and just feels a bit more relevant to a girl but I also think its a stage we all go through, the "Top" (the manly gay guy) are more domineering give them the sense of being the male in the relationship...because no matter what kinda of relationship your have gay, str8, lesbian..someone will always take the role of the female and male its in our natural one will be more loving into someones emotions and others a bit more tougher and colder to others emotions......but then again this whole statement is just something I thought about...I could be wrong

Answer 4

This proves that being gay is innate. My brother is gay and his personality was different from an early age. He was more sensitive and he played with dolls and disliked football, guns and cars etc. It's a stereotype, but it was true for him. He's in his 20's now and isn't camp, but he is quiet and interested in different things to most guys his age.

I believe that some gay guys (and straight guys come to that) are naturally camp, but many put a lot of that on as a defense mechanism. Ostensibly, they are drawing attention to themselves, but I believe that's really just so that they don't have to deal with their feelings of insecurity. If they shout about how proud they are, maybe they'll start to believe it themselves. Their personality also becomes less camp when they are out of the gay scene, for the most part.

The thing is, even without that sort of behaviour, gay people still wouldn't be accepted. It's a nice excuse to use, but I believe that some gay people don't feel accepted in the first place, so put on that behaviour as a gesture of defiance. The gay community accepts and encourages this because it is a middle finger up to the rest of the world.

Answer 5

that is like asking "why do women have things in common" why do men have things in common". I believe that in most cases there are genetic differences in homosexuals. Artistic traits are OFTEN (not always, don't jump on the generalizations any more than you would for heterosexual men or women). Of course there are some things that are "learned" as well from the people that one associates with. But there have always, always, always been effeminate men, and masculine women. SOME of those type people are also homosexual, but not all of them. Not all homosexuals can be "picked out" even with well tuned gay-dar, but many if not most can be.

And finally, of course, extravagant types are obviously going to be more noticed, especially by the media during parades, etc.

Answer 6

I do not identify as gay despite experimenting but I can identify with the rage that gay men must feel after years of having their identity suppressed through thoughtless taunts and jibes. I have been through a stage of making myself very colourful with jewellery and stuff because I hated that I was being cornered into feeling I must want to be some butch male, rippling with muscles and untroubled by emotions. In short, I think the camp and colourful behaviour is a direct backlash to the behaviour of the bigots and it simply says: I'm Me, ***** You!

Answer 7

For me my sexuality is who I go to bed with every night and not something that actually defines who I am. Sometimes my sexual choice comes up in conversation and mutual jokes with friends, but it is a minor part of all the things that go together to make me me.

I don't hide anything, I don't pretend to have a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend and I am happy to be open, but at the same time I don't feel a need to meet every new person with a cry of "hellooooo! I'm gay!”

I like to go to gay bars occasionally, simply because it’s nice to be in a place where I can dance and be with my girl without stupid or "funny" comments from other people.

The only theory that I have is that many people only become openly gay in their late teens, early 20s and have probably spent many years hiding who they feel they really are. Maybe this overt effort to make sure everyone knows just how gay they are is a reaction to years of living secretly, hiding your true self and feelings from the rest of the world and on occasions, yourself. Maybe it is a way of re-affirming your choice, proving to yourself you have made the right choice. For example, sometimes if a person is feeling insecure, they can actually come across as over confident, may be it is a similar thing.

As for why a culture has sprung up around this behaviour and embraces it, I think the answer to that is fairly simple. Any group of persecuted people will band together to support and seek comfort with each other. The gay community used to be small and underground, hidden from the majority of society, and so within its confines, became very close nit and extreme within itself. Now homosexuality is more and more accepted in society the culture has been allowed to come from the underground and into the mainstream, but many of the attitudes etc have not changed and so we have an overt underground scene, played out in a very public arena.

And let’s face it, currently it is very cool to be gay, and to have gay friends shows how cool you are…

Answer 8

This is a fantastic question. I have many gay friends also, but I'm straight. I have often wondered a similar thing. Can't wait to see what others put!
I'd would suggest that the reason the "queen" and "camp" behaviours is so readily embraced may have something to do with the fact that women have similar behaviourisms, and (the majority of them) prefer men. Maybe a gay man will take on these behaviour characteristics, like that of a woman's, because it could make them more appealing to the man they are interested in. I may be way off the mark.
Have a star!

Answer 9

Interesting question...

I would argue that the reason perhaps lies in the roles of the couple and the need for the unconscious to succumb to a particular role. Allow me to clarify… In society with homosexual, bisexual and any other gender sexual affiliation/association we ultimately model all of this behavior after the dominant heterosexual culture. Now, being heterosexual myself, I am not saying this to be offensive – just to state a fact. By majority heterosexuality is the most rampant and as such sets the margins for all the subcategories to follow. Therefore with this notion, you have to consider that the “queen” and “camp” personality that is often associated with homosexual lifestyles ultimately comes from the notion of the dominant and submissive form of the heterosexual couple. For you see, with the male and female partnership, the man is “naturally” (if that is even an accurate word to use) the dominant aggressor while the female's role is reserved as the submissive pacifist. Men are the hunters, and women are the caretakers. Therefore when you have a same sex union such as a man with another man or a female with a female, there is a subconscious need for one to be in the role of the man (or perhaps dominator is a better term) and another to be the submissive one.

This is already established within some aspects of gay society as you see when gay males label themselves as either a “top” (meaning the one who usually penetrates) or a bottom (the one who is usually penetrated). Just as another answerer already stated, this is also why this is seen as appealing to some people in gay culture who are dominant and look for/like the fem or effeminate males or women who are girly-girls who go for masculine type women. Now this is in no way to say this is the absolute as you will certainly find men who prefer other masculine men and females who prefer other women with their same mannerisms. In this instance, consider also the establishment of a “verse” male (one who both penetrates and receives) and his mannerisms. Some verses can vary from seemingly queen-like in personality to completely butch. My point is to express that society is inescapable. Unless you live in a box on an island by yourself you are going to encounter it and somehow, someway, whether consciously or not you are modeled by it. Within society the role of dominant and submissive is the so called - “norm” and with each sexual combination it still emerges as a natural way of establishing position within a relationship. This is just my own opinion on this though using my sociological observation. Thanks for the deep question. I have done my detailed writing for today. Ha Ha! Cheers!

Answer 10

People are who they are, why ask questions? I am very very femme, and am atrracted to punky partners, why? I dont know, and I dont care people are who they are. People just keep asking and asking and asking. When will people just accept, and move on. We are attracted to who we are attracted to for thousands of reasons, childhood experinece, hormones, personal preferance, personality... the list is endless. We are who we are for just as many reasons. Some men are effeminate, so what? There are gay and straight effeminate guys, there are tomboyish and girly females, straight and gay has nothing to do with it. Thats like asking why do brunette women like blackhaired guys? Well sometimes but not always. Or why are red heads so fiesty? Well sometimes, but not always...

There are no direct answers wich prove wholly, any of the answers to the questions you have asked, I advise to let it go, what will be will be, accept everyone as an individual and dont make generalizing statements. Meet everyone on a completely individual basis, and dont judge.