Love Living
When Life is harsh and body failing
Strength must come from vision
Mind will lead, heart will follow
To acceptance, recognition
When darkness seems around us
Body grumbles, mind is wary
Find the spark that still remains
Illuminate your sanctuary
Find your strength, blazing fire
Know the way of love and giving
There is only one good choice
And that's of course: love living!
fb31w.
Any comments appreciated.
2007-06-06 21:21:03 · 15 answers · asked by freebird31wizard 6 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
for those who want to read more: my blog has more:-)
http://uk.360.yahoo.com/freebird31wizard
enjoy:-) Oh and please do comment :-)
2007-06-07 00:02:43 · update #1
That is THE best thing I've read in this house so far..take that to poetry.com and enter it into the contest
2007-06-06 21:53:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I liked it , some suggestions ,
The title seems good.
You may insert 'within' instead of vision in the first para 2nd line, as it will go with the para.
The 2nd para begining is bit harsh and nor does the end seems good.
Again the 3rd one is great. Best of luck
2007-06-07 04:29:40 · answer #2 · answered by Monark S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really like your poem. It's deep & true. It describes some feelings I have these days due to the fact that I lost my husband 5 months ago. Your poem hit home. I wish you well and keep it up. Good writing!!!
2007-06-07 04:26:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Pretty good ! I believe a poet should always be an optimist . I especially liked the 1st & last stanzas . Great ! Keep at it , and let us see some more .
2007-06-07 06:08:47 · answer #4 · answered by yjnt 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pretty damn good, only a few little things, i would put "to recongnition" and the beat (for want of a better word) is a bit off
2007-06-07 05:46:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the sentiment is good. work on refining it to avoid cliche and overused phrases. Also, avoid simply telling the reader what to believe or think. the reader can do that on his/her own; give them something to provoke the idea or emotion you want them to have.
2007-06-07 10:41:00 · answer #6 · answered by dcmapa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
fine words encouraging the weak and scared
but last lines are more like words of preach than poetic ones.
2007-06-07 05:32:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i love you without knowing how or when or from where..
i love you straightforwardly, without any complexities or pride..
i love you because there's no other way than this..
so close, that your hand on my chest is my hand..
so close, that someone closes your eyes and you fall asleep.
2007-06-07 04:30:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds good. sounds like someone wants to live, and live to life's fullest. keep up the good work.
2007-06-07 04:29:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds good, great message.
I foresee you shall become a great poet one day :-)
2007-06-07 05:59:40 · answer #10 · answered by Ands 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋