Divorcees... Was it the hardest thing you've ever done?

Question

I've decided the time has come, and yet I find it bittersweet as I accuse myself because of my young child (pre-school). I know the rationale behind a child living in a happy home rather than a sterile one, and yet I think to a child a home is always their "home" and divorce is the worst of all legal things a married couple can do. Was it the hardest thing for you divorcees to take that final step - to actually speak the words, and how did you assist your children with the transition, the "parent moving out" and so forth. All sane advice and experience would be most welcome.
Thank you in advance.

Answer 1

The kids are much better at adjusting and dealing with divorse than we give them credit for. As long as you do whats best for you and have good intentions for the ones you leave behind, no one will fault you. Take care of the people in your life, whether you live with them or not.

Answer 2

Kids have a much better understanding of what is going on then you can possibly think. Tell the kids the best way that you know how; without it being too much over their heads and they will be okay with it as long as you don't use them as a pawn in the divorce.

I would have to say that yes getting a divorce is one of the hardest things that I have ever done. However once the ball was rolling and I was out of the marriage I realized that I was a lot better person for it and I just got stronger from it. The hardest thing that I have ever done after the divorce was to trust my heart to someone else again. It is scary and exciting to date and meet new people, but the whole trust and letting your heart feel over again...is really the most scariest and hardest thing that I ever did.

Answer 3

Why do you feel like you NEED a man to validate you? I think all of your troubles began when you felt you needed to be married. Now, you have 8 children, some disabilities and no skills b/c you felt you needed a man?! I don't mean to push any religion, but maybe the man you truly need is Jesus. Perhaps if you got involved in a church, you could volunteer, meet other widowed women, teach your children good values and show your daughters that you can be a strong, independent woman. I'm sorry, but the message you are showing your kids now is that you don't value yourself as a person or mother and that you are willing to settle for less than you deserve b/c you are so scared of being independent. By the way, you had that boy when you were 49 years old, that makes it very likely for kids to have down syndrome and other problems,please no more kids, no more hubbies!!

Answer 4

Well I've never been divorced but I was the child of a divorce. I saw lots of mudslinging on both sides and I hated every minute of it. Because of what happened I'm determined to make my marriage work.

All I can say is don't talk trash about the ex-spouse. Your kid(s) will figure out later that the one talking trash was the culprit all along.

Also, don't spend a lot of time looking for someone of the opposite sex. I firmly believe that a one parent household is better than a parent/step-parent or boyfriend/girlfriend household.

And finally, spend as much time with your child or children as you possibly can!

Answer 5

The hardest thing is being civil to the other parent. I have 4 kids with my ex and I work really hard to be respectful of him in front of my children. They are 50% of him so if they think I hate him they'll hate a part of themselves.

We've all moved on, its been about 2 years now. I am remarried and my hub talks to my ex and works out all the visitation details etc.

Let your child know you are still friends and still care for the other parent and most importantly that you both still love and parent your child.

Answer 6

The best thing that always helps children in this situation, or at least makes them feel better, is to make them know that are not the only ones in this world whose parents are divorced. That's the only thing that helped my daughter. You will have to assure your child that he or she is not different from the other children whose parents live together, and that there are many other kids whose parents are divorced. Give specific examples. Think of other kids with divorced parents and mention them to your child. The biggest pain that your child is going to have is not that the other parent is going to move out, but that they are not same as other kids anymore and that from now on they are different from other kids. Make everything possible to assure them that that is not true. Mention other kids with divorced parents and show that they are doing just fine.

Answer 7

I think you're right to divorce while your child is still so young. Remember that it takes two people to make a marriage work and it takes two people to make it fail. Whatever happened, it's not all your fault. The fact is that your child may not even remember the home you have now. (I divorced when my son was 2, and he has no memory of how unhappy things were between his father and me). As far as the "transition" part went, l let his father spend as much time as he wanted to with our son (turns out it wasn't that much--Dad preferred to hang out at his favourite bar) and let them talk on the phone whenever they wanted. My son is 14 now and is well adjusted, thoughtful, and polite. I think I did the right thing. Please don't worry about the myth that it's better to stay togtether "for the sake of the kids". Best of luck to you!

Answer 8

Making sure that the children realize that you both still love them and that they are not the blame for anything that has happened. Try to have a civil relationship with your ex, so that the children will not fee that they have to choose one parent over the other.

Tell your spouse gently how you feel. Tell them that they are not to blame, but that you feel that the both of you have grown apart. Tell your spouse that you would like to be friends so that the children will not suffer. Try to make the break up as painless as possible. Whatever you do, do not make accusations or threats.

Answer 9

My two kids was older my daughter was living with my mother because her and him could not get along. My son was a Senior in high school. He took it hard because he is a daddy's boy and made his choice to stay. My ex always told me if I left he would make our son hate me and he almost done that. My son once told me that if I was that unhappy it would have been better to leave when he was younger. Your heart tells you when it's over. Mine was over when my father passed away and my ex knew that time was close and went home when I called and told him. I thought he would come and be with me two hours latter I call to see where he was at and he was sleeping Oh did you want me to come. But I stayed and tried to make it work only to come in one day from work to find him going through files on my computer and other stuff. I just looked at him and said things will never change. I'm leaving

Answer 10

No the divorce was not the hardest the hardest came two years later when I told her in her moment of doubt that she made a good choice and had found a great guy that would take good care of her.