Any suggestions for my poem?

Question

Sea shell, sea shell,
Sing a song for me
SIng about the ocean
Tell me about the sea...

"It's lovely!"
Said the shell,
And of course, I had to agree
I watched it as the shell
Described it to me

It's waves crashed against the rock
Powerful, graceful
The sea-foam white as chalk,
Home to the adventurous seagull.

I gazed at the sunset
It was getting quite late
"I'll be back, don't fret,"
I said while heading for my front gate

Answer 1

"Come back soon!"
said the shell,
and I smiled happily
for the sound of the ocean
filled my ears with majesty.

The next day I returned
to that same sandy earthen spot
but to my concern
the shell had gone and rot

A salty tear fell slowly
from my crest fallen cheeks
as I picked up the remains
and brushed off the broken piece

"Don't worry"
came a whisper
and I looked up in surprise
The shell was still intact
and again it was speaking to me

"Hold me to my ear
each time you wish you were here
for the sound of the sea will never leave
if with you I can be"

I obliged to the simple request
and trotted back to my humble nest.
The shell never left my side
and with it, the ocean did abide.

Answer 2

sea shell, sea shell,
sing a song for me
sing about the ocean
tell me 'bout the sea

its lovely said the shell,
of course i had to agree
watching as the shell
described the sea to me

its waves crash against the rock
powerful and yet so graceful
with sparkling sea-foam white as chalk
home to the most adventurous of gulls

before my eyes the sun began to set
our time together had ended it had gotten quite late
in a quiet voice i uttered i'll be back so dont fret
my thoughts full of its beauty as i headed for the gate

Answer 3

A simple theme, very well handled! I can nearly hear the waves of the sea in your gentle breeze of a poem, and feel the green wetness and salt against my skin as you talk in your poem of the seagull and the shell! It's almost like pushing the raft into the water, running after it and jumping on to it and paddling away with the tiny paddle oar, to enjoy the short sortie, before sunset: after that, it may get late, quite late! hey, your poem is good! keep writing! (and, posting!)

Answer 4

ok, i will show you how to recognize have not have been given a lot of journey in poetry. even although, i visit furnish you what i think of. you incredibly might have been greater imaginitive first of all. merely on the way that your poem replaced into written. instead of writing, nicely, like an 8th grader interpreting, you have got written from the attitude of a soldier scuffling with beside him. additionally, you place a lot attempt in making it rhyme, that it would not relly even make experience. for example, "of people who saved lives in ineffective," what the hell is that meant to advise? i desire you obtain some thing out of that. i desire you do no longer take offense to this, it fairly is merely that i comprehend a lot approximately writing, and why no longer help out the 8th grader?

Answer 5

For the rhythm, another word beside graceful.

Also, take the apostrophe out of "It's waves crashed against the rock" - it is "Its", possessive, but waves are inanimate and that rule doesn't apply.

Answer 6

this is a nice poem...but it has no feeling. personally, when I write, it's because I won't to get rid of emotion and to show others what I'm feeling. Unless you're obsessed with seashells, this isn't personal for you, so it's not as interesting for everyone else.

Answer 7

The meter seems forced and predictable. And your reliance on obvious rhyme is distracting. I believe you have talent, but you are depending on your audience to be unthinking. Don't oversimplify to achieve results.
.
.

Answer 8

You can use

its

without an apostrophe. The waves belong to something, right?

But it sounds choppy.

Answer 9

u don`t need any suggestions on your poem, you rolled thay right off your tongue, sounds like you had a good party time, and you mite still be rolling for some feedback, b-cuz everyone has gone home

Answer 10

i love writing poetry and i when i write i challenge myself to use less sets of words to describe my subject, and it makes the poem powerfull. so maybe using different words and imagery always helps although your poem came of to me as boring and uninteresting but who am i to tell you if your poem is good or bad although its good in other aspects though its almost as a picture with no color or a movie with no words or music.