Should I care?

Question

Here is the story. I left my husband after being married for twenty years and it ended bad he has not talked to me since you told me I needed to be shot and I got a restrament order on him. We have been divorced for almost 7 years now. Tonight him and his new wife was in a mortorcycle accident. They are both in the hospital right now getting check out. My son called and told me, I worry about my son dealing with it. And have called him a few times to check on him. But I sit here with no feelings for my Ex. My husband asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital and if I did he understands but I told him NO way. Am I wrong for thinking this way

We was married at 18 and there was lots of physical and mental abuse throughout the years

My son is 24 and the reason I did not drive him is that I live over two hours away I had to move away for my safety

Answer 1

I don't think you should feel bad for him, I think that you made up your mind not have any more emotions for him because of how he treated you and you have gone on with your life. I think that you should just continue your daily rutine and leave them in the hands of God.

Answer 2

I think that it is wrong to feel that way. You both have moved on and have found your soul mates. And don't just think of the past. You sons dad, a human being has been in a motorcycle accident! That is something serious and I don't want things like that to happen to anyone. Even ones I don't like. It has been 7 years. And what the past is the past. At least if you can't bare to see him then just send them a get well card and some flowers. Maybe this will help you to move on and not hate him so much anymore.

Answer 3

20 yrs with someone, it has to be hard to turn off the feeling that easy, but on the other hand, if it was a bad marriage, and it had to be to split after 20 yrs, no I don't think you should show emotion about the accident, BUT show concern for your husband towards your Son. It is his Father, and even though you two aren't together, your always going to be his mom, and dad.

Be supportive for your Son, I'm sure he is really worried about his Dad right now. You should have went to the hospital with him, to be there for him during this stressful time, not your husband. Bad choice on your part. Call him now, and see if he will meet you there.

Answer 4

Hi do it for your son and if you think about it you still had some enjoyable times after all... sometimes forgiveness is the answer to everything.. You wont be goin their as if you want your husband back again you'll be goin back their to show how a good person are you.. trust me im 15 in a broken family when my dad's mom died i wasnt allowed to go and my mom regreted it... so you and your son better see him now before its to late..

Answer 5

if its a real bad accident and his life is in danger then i would be there for your son and your son only show him your support you did have this child with this guy but the decision comes down to you i have a pfa on my husband he was very abusive and thank god i dont have any children to him if something would happen to me or him i know neither of us would be there for each other we ended on bad terms also and havent spoken to each other in 3 months my pfa holds for a year and half so the choice is yours ask your son and see how he feels tc and gl jewels

Answer 6

Not at all. It is neither right nor wrong for having no feelings for your ex. They are your feelings, and saying that they are right or wrong is placing judgment on something that just is. That would be like if you said your favorite color was blue and someone told you that it was wrong for you to say your favorite color is blue and that it should be yellow. You may have feelings come up later, or you may not. Whichever happens, just be conscious of what you are (or are not) feeling. And never, ever, let anyone tell you that your feelings are right or wrong. They are yours and yours alone, and they simply are what they are.

Answer 7

No, its your opinion, and you are entitled to it. You have your reasons, many of which you probably didn't explain.

My opinion, however, is that you should go see him. Maybe not becuase you still care about him, or even like him, but becuase he was a human being that you knew. Bear in mind though that I don't know the whole story, or what a relationship like yours is like.

Either way, you should never have to feel that you are wrong for the way you feel.

Answer 8

He was cruel to you and he has not been a part of your life for seven years. Would he come if you had been in an accident? If your gut feeling is to not visit him, then don't go. But help your son make any necessary arrangements, and be supportive to him.

Answer 9

i agree with most of the others. it's understandable for you not to want to see your ex.
your son is an adult (i'm not understanding why you had to "drive him") as an adult, he would also be able to understand how you feel. i'm sure he was aware of the abuse he witnessed in your marriage (and probably is witnessing in his father's current marriage because abusers don't just quit abusing)
all you can do is let your son know you feel bad about his dad, offer your help to your son, if he wants.

Answer 10

look at this from another perspective... he really seems to not like you anymore which is not me talking it is what you said. so, based on that if you are thinking of doing something for his sake, stay the hell away from him while he is in the hospital because he does not want to see you. i had a bad break up also and the last thing i want to see on this earth is my ex expecially if i am in the hospital dying seeing my ex is the last thing i want my eyes to see

Answer 11

All things considered I don't think anyone could hold it against you if you do no more than you already have...my ex and I have stayed friends but I also understand how things can become what they are for you now...don't worry about it..you've put your time in long time ago.