People who feel the need to offer unsolicited advice? (sort of a rant, sorry!)?

Question

My husband and I have one son:

Ian (after my father in law) Carle (after my father)

we are expecting our second son this coming september and we are naming him:

Shaun (after a dear friend who passed away) Forsythe (after my husband's Scottish clan).

We have had the name Shaun picked out before I even became pregnant. My father in law recently called to tell me he would prefer it if I would choose a different name for our new son because he already knows too many Shauns and he would like something new. Then he told me he strongly recommends we name the baby "Andrew Stewart" (Stewart after his brother!!) Now every time I see him, he pulls me aside and tries to convince me to change names! I have kindly told him that we are very settled on the name Shaun and it holds special significance to both my husband and myself, but it just doesn't seem to sink in!

Since when does the grandparent name the child??

Answer 1

grandparents name the child since the day the parents allow it.

Answer 2

All you can do is either keep telling him that you are sticking with your choice. Or just ignore him when he does this. Has your husband tried talking to him about this?

Whenever my hubby and I have our second child we have a boys name picked out already. Jackson Lawrence. I picked the names but my hubby aggreed on them that he liked the sound of it together. Lawrence is my father's middle name, he passed away when I was 17, and Jackson is a family surname on his mother's side. My father-in-law is also Jack but he doesn't want us to name a child after him for some reason.

I was talking to my mother-in-law at thanksgiving about baby names, my son is Gabriel Alexander and my nephew is Alexander Nicholas. I told her that after I heard my sister-in-law was having a boy and naming him Alexander Nicholas, I liked the name and it sounded good with Gabriel. It was really the only name I liked with Gabriel at the time. She said I could have used Adam instead. My hubby is Shaun Stephen Adam. I just never liked the name Adam, plus I already had a cousin by that name. She seemed a little put off when I told her that I didn't like the name Adam when she had used it in one of her own children's names.

It is a personal decision. I would just try your best to tune him out. You both have chosen the name you like and have good reason behind it. Maybe in a polite way you should tell him where to go next time he tries to persuede you otherwise.

Answer 3

They don't... stick your ground, I went through the same thing when I named my last daughter Charlie. Plus I like Forsythe, its different and the street my grandparents have lived on forever and its pretty. I just think its funny he says he knows too many shauns because andrew is pretty popular too. But who knows maybe he has a problem or bad memories with someone named shaun; yet grandkids should take that feeling away.

Answer 4

It's your child, And I Like your reason for naming the child. Tell him that he's wasting his breath, and that if he doesn't wanna call him Shaun than he can call him by his middle name or "sport" or something to that effect. If you have explained the significance than you need to tell him that you Love him but he needs to respect your decision. Everybody kept suggesting names to us but we didn't decide until an few hours after she was born, But we didn't take any of her Grandparent's< great grandparents included> But they Love her just the same. In the End, You'll know if the name suits him. Go with your gut.

Answer 5

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH my mother-in-law is doing this to me! I am having my first child, her first grandchild, and the baby's father and I do not want to do the Junior thing or have a name from the top 100 (both of us having very common names...Alex and Jessica).

We have selected the name Xander Ryan (my partner's name is Alex Ryan...Alex-Xander...Alexander...see?). My mother in law HATES it. She thinks a first-born son should be named after the father EXACTLY and should be called Alex Junior (*shudders*) or at least named directly after a member of the family, such as James Daniel after his great-grandfather ("You could call him Jim Dandy! Isn't that sweet???"). When we stood our groud she conceded that maybe his FIRST name could be of our choosing, but he should be called by his middle name, which should be a family name ("How about Tyler after his uncle?").

She just doesn't quit. So I just don't discuss it with her anymore. Last time she brought it up, I told her we had already had monograms done with his initials and weren't really considering changing the name anymore. It really hurts my feelings and bothers me that she thinks she has the right to name OUR son, but I figure he'll be named whatever we put on the birth certificate and she'll just have to get over it. Good luck in dealing with your in law as well.

Answer 6

At least it is just your FIL. I had all my in laws telling me I couldn't name my child what I wanted...So I had to settle on a name that I thought was okay, but my son is growing into it. I have already chosen my future daughter's name, I am not telling anyone her name until her birth certificate has been filed. ;) I know exactly how you feel. If the name you choose has a significant meaning to you and your hubby, that is all that matters. Your FIL will get over it once he sees his new grandson...

Answer 7

I would stick with Shaun and I would say I respect your thoughts, but my husband and I have decided on this before we even got pregnant. I have a friend name Shaun that was murdered. I think that it is great that you are naming your son after your friend that died.

Answer 8

That would piss me off as well. I am sure he isn't meaning to be rude, either that or he doesn't realize that he is. Next time tell him jokingly that if he likes the name so much to save it and have another child so he can use it. The time is to quit being so polite and be more forceful. Tell him again that you have chosen Shaun and that is that and he needs to quit pushing you. Good Luck!

Answer 9

In this day and age, the grandparents do NOT name the child.

I had a brother in law try to be my "daddy" a while back. I was 48 years old at the time. I told him "you don't run my life and you never will" and hung up the phone. Name the child whatever you want and tell grandpa that it is YOUR decision, not his.

Answer 10

I had the same problem with mine. I liked the name Trinity Rayne but my dad said it sounded too ethnic. Those weren't his exact words, but you get the idea. My daughter's half hispanic.
I did change the name after I tried out Trinity with the surname my daughter would be taking. He doesn't like her middle name now. =)

In the end, it's still your choice. Go with what you want and what feels right to you. After the baby's born, your father-in-law won't care what his name is...because he has a new grandbaby!

Answer 11

You should have your husband sit down with you and his father and explain to him that this is your guy's decision and that although you appreciate his suggestion you wish for him to leave it alone and accept the name. Let him know how much it bothers you that he is so persistent in trying to get you to name the child what he wants and not what you want. If he continues then let him know that until he accepts the child's name that you will not speak to him any further this way he can't make you feel guilty for choosing the name that you want.