My husband and I have been TTC for over 3 years now with no success. We've seen a RE and tried drugs, tests, procedures, BBT, OPK's, fertility monitors, herbs, etc. We have done what is within our financial scope to have a baby. At what point do you say enough and stop trying? How do you make the choice to live childfree?
2007-06-06 17:20:39 · 17 answers · asked by jilldaniel_wv 7 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
We have considered and researched adoptiong, but it simply isn't an option for us. After TTC for about 2 years I was put on Lexapro--a drug for mild depression. I was only on it for about 6 months but every adoption application asks about depression and it's in my medical records and I can't lie about it. Also, we have only been married for a little over 3 years and most agencies prefer a longer marriage. My age also hinders us--I'm 25 and again most agencies prefer closer to the 30 mark.
2007-06-06 17:29:25 · update #1
To Amy V--
Yes, I have both PCOS and hypothyroidism. I've tried every med the doctor recommended and still nothing. My husband also has male factor so we both are at fault.
2007-06-06 17:31:51 · update #2
To answer your question bluntly.... I think you and your husband have given it a respectable amount of time and financial investment already and if you've decided together enough's enough, it would be totally understandable. You've given it your all and anyone who knows your details would understand.
However, it wouldn't surprise me either if sometime in the next year after you've said "Who cares!" you end up pregnant. It happens more than you think to couples in your same situation.
As for being childless... I totally understand what you're saying about the adoption process, but, there was a viable reason for your MILD depression and I think your Lexapro can be easily justified. Adoption is not a black and white process... there are interviews and discussions that go on. No one is going to look at your application and make an instant decision. There's different forms of depression, yours was situational and that can be proven. As for your age, I don't think you would be turned down by every one because of it or the length of your marriage--especially if you're willing to take older kids or siblings. Adopting a newborn baby is expensive and more discriminating, but not so much with other kids. Go through child services, start with being foster parents, adoption will be the natural progression.
One other suggestion... you could take a break for a few years, save some cash and perhaps try IVF? Maybe what you need right now is a rest. Maybe in a few years you'll be willing to explore other options again. If nothing else, you'll be closer to the "30s mark" then and your marriage will be a little longer---so adopting a new baby may be easier.
Good luck to you... the main thing is that you and hubby figure out together what is best.
2007-06-06 18:32:09 · answer #1 · answered by ღ†Rocker Wife†ღ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After 2 1/2 years of TTC we decided to stop, and pursued adoption. From what you said you would likely still be able to adopt. Yes, they ask about anti-depression medication, but for many agencies/ countries it depends on the circumstances, and wouldn't always rule you out. I know many people who were treated for mild depression or anxiety in the past, and were still able to adopt.
As far as age, I was 25 when our first child arrived home, and we had only been married for three years too. We adopted internationally, and things we thought might be a concern didn't matter at all.
If you do decide to stop ttc, and would consider adoption definetly call several adoption agencies, both domestic and international, explain your situation and see if you qualify. Either way, good luck to you, I know the uncertainties can be terrible.
2007-06-06 17:48:43 · answer #2 · answered by Angela R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You dont have to ever give up on a dream, never give up, but you could adopt in the process, I'm kinda doing that. I have been trying for only 4 months, so I dont know your pain, but I already have four, but my heart is leaning towards international adoption, a lot of women get pregnant while adopting, then the child has a sibling to play with. Just look at some of those babies, espeacially the little girls in China. Korea is great place too, they will escort the baby to you. They would favor you over other couples because you are having a hard time conceiving. I know you want your first to be your own that you carry, but God can bless you with a child that will bring you much love, and you could give one a home.
International adoption is the simplest, you dont have to worry about a birthmother changing her mind like they can in the US. and it can be half the cost too. China is the least expensive. I know you said this wasnt an option, but I wish you would read some of the personal stories on these adoption sites, it had me in tears.
2007-06-06 19:27:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know there is a possibility that you may never have children but I just wanted to let you know that I know a couple that tried for 3 years and got nothing. Then they decided to adopt. After going through all the adoption stuff, adopting a kid, bring him home, a couple months later they found out she was pregnant. I know this probably isn't something common but I just didn't want you to give up hope. Good luck. My husband and I just started trying and it's a little scary hearing about these stories because I'm hoping I don't have to wait that long.
2007-06-07 03:21:31 · answer #4 · answered by Blake & Kayla's mom 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as you two are still sexually active and not "fixed" in any way... you'll technically "always" be trying. If you both desparately want a child than you obviously have enough love for children to make a child yours through adoption. Many mother's-to-be decide to give their baby's up for adoption while they are still pregnant, you could become parents of a newborn. Kids can't pick their parents, what a great thing to give a little one a chance to have a good life with a good family.
Don't give up on adoption... go back when you are 30 if that's the age they want. Mild depression will not prevent you as long as it is treated successfully. No couple is perfect. Your doctor can give you a reference as well. Never say never. Have you checked into Luthern Social Services?
2007-06-06 17:34:56 · answer #5 · answered by litlredm 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You both seem young so I would take a break and in a few years start trying again. It is hard to just stop. You should stop when you and your husband think it is time. When the physical and mental aspects reach the max for both of you.
My husband and I have been trying for 18 months and we are going to do IVF at the end of the year. I believe we will not stop until I reach my 40's. I am 30 now. We really want a child so we will keep trying. As long as we don't go nuts in the process it does not hurt to try.
Best Wishes. Baby Dust.
2007-06-07 03:15:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. Did I write this? LoL. I have been trying to concieve since 2003, with PCOS and hypothyroidism. Ive done all the things you have, with no results either. Personally, you can only give up when you feel ready. I have made it less of a priority, and I have heard from many people that "when you stop trying, thats when you get pregnant" because you are not stressed out. Stress is always a factor, but how can you not stress when you want something so badly?
This is a question you and ONLY you can answer, take it from me.
2007-06-06 20:13:08 · answer #7 · answered by wickedwings1982 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I've seen people try and try and try to have a baby with no luck. Finally they accept the fact that they aren't going to have children and start to plan trips and other things they can do together, as husband and wife. Fun things. By the time the trip comes up, she usually is pregnant and can't go.
I know it's hard (my husband and I have been TTC for 2 years) but maybe just wait until you can do more financally. I'll be praying for you. Good luck and baby dust!
2007-06-07 03:34:12 · answer #8 · answered by TwinMommy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We tried for 3 years too and as soon as we choose to live life childfree we were expecting. Have you been tested for PCOS? Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome? Research that...I am sure your doctor went that route, but it is usually harder to get pregnant if you have this...also if you have a Thyroid Disorder. I have both of these...it took us a while, but I am pregnant now! Good luck to you and I am sending baby dust your way!
2007-06-06 17:29:36 · answer #9 · answered by Amy V 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry to hear you are going through this first of all. The only advice I have to give is to stop trying to hard. Sometimes things just happen for a reason. I believe that if you two are truly happy and you live life to the fullest you will eventually be expecting. Take care.
2007-06-06 18:32:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋