how can i get my husband to realize being a housewife is a JOB too?

Question

my husband thinks staying home and taking care of our daughter is not as hard as going out to work! He always gets to go out on Friday and SAt night because he said he NEEDS to relax from a tired week of work! WHAT ABOUT ME???? he said my job is not hard! i cook, clean , cook, clean and take care of a 16 month girl!

well i know he is not cheating because he spends all his time with us ( other than weekend nights when he is out with his guy friends) I am use to taking care of the house and our daughter now during the day. but sometimes i just need one night out of the weekend for my friends. i can't complain about anything else. i know i'm not asking for a lot. we can't find a baby sitter at night time ...that's the bad part too.

Answer 1

outsource. have him billed. one day should make your point. ok, maybe just remit an invoice for services.

i forget what daycare costs, but it's not cheap and that's for no more than 8 - 10 hours so you'll need a double shift there. (don't forget to go hug the kid in between the two shifts please). i do remember that general house cleaning (maid service) is about $15 an hour. check with local employment office what the going rate is for a live-in cook. pro-rate that.

your total will be the cost of living at the standard he is used to. don't be surprised if the total meets or exceeds his salary, these things don't come cheap. don't forget the additional services, someone needs to drive the child to daycare and cabs don't offer this level of service, need to contract for chauffeur.

Answer 2

tell him to, or you do it, but get information on hiring a nanny, that will take care of you child, a domestic worker that will do all the cleaning and laundry, a cook that will do all the cooking and grocery shopping, a prostitute that will see to his "physical needs", a general assistant that will do all the errands that will need to be done, like dropping off and picking up dry cleaning, someone to do all the gift shopping, clothes shopping, and finally an account that will take care of all your bills and such. get all the information and present it to him, on Oprah they did a show dedicated to this and they figured that the average housewife does the work that if it was paid for would earn and reasonable $140,000. per year. now remind your husband that he is welcome to pay you or someone else to do "your job" and then you will be able to relax and not need to have the weekend nights off the way that he does, otherwise he needs to straighten up and be a responsible parent and adult and stay home on the weekends to be with his daughter and wife, and to give you a break, too. if he says that he doesn't need to, then know in that moment that he is selfish and will always be that way.

Answer 3

A lot of men do not think of taking care of the house and kids as a full time job, but it most certainly is. My kids are all grown, but my new husband of two years lets me stay home and I take care of our house and yards and pets. He tells me all the time what a great job I do and how much he appreciates me doing all the things I do. He says you have a harder job than I do. He drives a tracter trailer all over USA. The problem with your husband is, he doesn't realize when his weekend comes and he gets two days off, you NEVER do, you still cook, clean, take care of child every single day. It is exhausting. Being a parent is the most stressful, underpaid, underappreciated job in the world. He should try it sometime. Let him read all the answers you get, then maybe he will realize how WRONG he is. He should babysit one night and let you go out too.

Answer 4

Get a part time job and allow him to play Mommy for a while. You'll expect a clean house and dinner when you get home on his day off. It'll be good for you too. Give you more individual identity. Or you could just thank him for his efforts to supply the luxury of staying home with your family to support him and your daughter. Perhaps his ego needs some appreciation. He wants a thank you? You know him best I'm sure. At this point it's time to make a decision regarding your marriage do you want to save it? It's up to you. Get a babysitter on Saturday night. Go out together. According to the budget entertainment expense should be shared equally. It wouldn't be right for one to hog it all from the family.

Answer 5

Unfortunately, you can't. If your husband doesn't know already that it is difficult work to run a household then there is nothing you can do to convince him otherwise...except to leave him, and find a man who appreciates the work you do. If your husband thinks what you do isn't work, that is a sign that he doesn't have the proper level of respect for you. Take your daughter, and leave. Not for a week, or a month. Just leave with the expectation of never returning. he will soon learn how difficult it is to manage a home; and if you haven't found another man by the time he gets it through his head, then he might just beg you to come back on terms that are better for both of you.

Answer 6

Let him try taking care of your daughter and the house hold for a couple of days. He couldn't do it.

Hire a babysitter and go out on Friday and Sat night yourself.
You deserve a break more than he does. Don't let him tell you, you can't do it. Do it anyway. That's what he does even though he knows you don't want him to. Go for it. Have a great time. He is totally selfish and controlling although you already know that.

He's probably cheating on you on those nights. Don't let him get away with it. Find out where he is going and what he is doing. Don't sit at home while he is getting over on you.

Answer 7

Your question isn't worded correctly. You're not a housewife, you're a stay at home mom AND someone who takes care of the house, etc. He doesn't get it. Most people don't until they've tried it for a few days. (I know I didn't get it until I decided to stay home for a year after having a baby.)

At some point, you will have a family emergency (maybe your mom can make one up for you - ok, not honest, but this situation sounds like an emergency) and have to leave him home for a few days with the child or you will get the flu or something and he'll have to stay home and take care of you both. That might be what it takes for him to understand.

Good luck.

Answer 8

First of all, it sounds like ya'll have a take, take, take, relationship, instead of a give and take relationship. He takes, takes, takes and thinks he deserves for his feet to be washed upon arrival home from a busy work day. You just give, give, give, because your a nice Mother and Wife and he won't give you anything to take.

A husband must understand that being a stay at home mother and wife is a FULL TIME job...my sister can attest to this. She said that she looks at work as a vacation from her house duties. (this was said when she was on maternity leave). It's exhausting, but she is thankful to have a husband who is loving and understanding of the demands of being a housewife/mother.

Your hubby needs to be more understanding. Perhaps you should leave him home on a weekend with your daughter to take care of the household chores and your daughter while you spend a relaxing weekend with friends. I am sure after that weekend, he will for sure be greatful and appreciative of all that you do.

Answer 9

Plan a long weekend away with girlfriends. I do this and I always come back relaxed and happy to find a husband that is grateful and GLAD that I'm back! He tells me all the time he has NO idea how I do what I do every day. Do it. You need the break and he needs to bond with the baby. I have a feeling his attitude will change after 3 or 4 days alone with her....good luck :)

Answer 10

You need to write him and invoice for all of the things you do during the week, assign each task a price that you would have to pay for someone to do it. Present it to him and see what he says. If that doesn't work go on strike for a few weeks. Don't cook or clean for him and let him see how much you do around the house. He may not change overnight but at least he will start to see how valuable you are.