MATURE ADULTS PLEASE!! My Son SAW me in BED with my girlfriend NOW my EX-wife-to-be is Messing my life?

Question

READ BEFORE YOU ANSWER:My G/friend & I came home.I saw the kids with the babysitter.We went to my bedroom LOCKED the door.While we were making love my 5yrs old son walked to my bed & said “Daddy I can’t get out, the door won’t open”.My G/friend was on top of me.She jumped off & scrambled to get under the sheets.I asked my son to turn around.I literally felt sick that my son saw this.Apparently 3hrs earlier(before our arrival) the kids were playing“hide & Seek”.My son fell asleep under my bed as he was hiding.Our love-making woke him.He said he crawled to the door to get out but it was locked so he had no choice but to come & tell me.I don’t know how long he stood there & watched before he decided to approach us.Now my WIFE(soon to be EX-WIFE in about 5 months) is poisoning my kids.We are no longer together.my g/friend was sickened by the whole thing & blames herself.She can't even look at my son.My wife & I ve been separated & ve not lived together 4 over 3 yrs.Read more at the bottom

YesI'm very mad at myself that my son saw what he did,but there is no way i could ve known he was under my bed.I ve to live with this guilt.Iexplained the best way i could to a 5yrs old & apologized.My wife(legally anyway)blames myG/friend.She called myG/friend & curse at her,accused her of ruining my son's young life.What makes me mad is that she has caused my G/friend to break-up with me.Our divorce will be final in 5 months.this woman is the first serious G/friend i ve had since we separated.She is calling me an "N"lover.YES my G/friend is black.(the most beautiful woman i ve ever seen).She(my wife) tells our 3 kids to call her"N".My youngest said"Mommy says that the "N"woman is the reason we are not a family".Which is not true because i met her 3 yes later after the separation.My G/friend,like my children,is an innocent victim in all this.How can i deal with this situation?What would you do? I miss my g/friend it's killing me?What right does my wife ve to do this.She has had 3 B/Fs

Answer 1

I don't really understand the problem. your sexcapades with your girlfriend has nothing to do with your separated ex-wife poisoning your children. you haven't done anything wrong.

Answer 2

Your wife needs help. Quickly.

First of all, dear, you have done nothing wrong. Obviously, if you would have known that your children were anywhere nearby I truly doubt you would indulge in a little "afternoon delight."

It is bad enough that your ex-wife is a racist cow but she has to poison your kids as well. Unfortunately, your girlfriend feels like crap because she knows your kids will never treat her with respect.

There's hope. Put your foot down and refuse to let your ex-wife talk about your girlfriend in that way. Secondly, do not accept that sort of behavior from your children. Make sure they know that love sees beyond color and that they should as well. Lastly, call your girlfriend up and give her a sincere apology for the things that transpired. Sounds like things are serious between you two. You've come this far why lose this due to your wife's inability to be a human being.

Good Luck!!! @--->---

Answer 3

Whoa, dude. You're wife is a freak.

All kids see their parents in some sexual act at one time or another and largely it's not a big deal. Sure it's startling at the time, but it's not going to have lasting repercussions so long as you don't turn it into the tragedy of the year.

The real problem here is the venom that your wife is spewing. She is teaching your children to be racist and cruel. She is paving the way for future hate crimes and violence and I would urge you do discuss this with your lawyer.

One other thing I would suggest is going for counseling with your kids. And your girlfriend too, if she's willing. It would be good to work on some of the issues like racism and privacy and what you all expect from one another in a safe, controlled setting.

You sound like a decent guy. Know that I'm rooting for you. Take care...

Answer 4

You must be hanging your son first before your new girlfriend. The 2 men and women who're principal in your son's lives are YOU and your EX, no longer your sister, brother, new female friend or something else you are trying to drive into his life. What's excellent for you son is for you to go to dinner with you ex, then attend his ball recreation and watch him open his items. If your lady friend can't handle these few hours, then you are with the flawed man or woman.

Answer 5

Well if you are divorcing your wife because of adultery on her part, you are okay. But since your divorce is not final and you are in bed with your new girl friend, you are committing adultery. You know it is wrong and you feel guilty about it, as well you should. Unfortunately your young child caught you. I don't believe the child's life is ruined by this. Maybe a little confused.
It is wrong for your wife to get your kids to call your gf bad names. I don't think there is anything you can do to stop her from that. You could talk to your children and tell them how wrong it is to call her that bad name.
You should wait to have any more intimate relations with your gf until your divorce is final and you are married to her. That would be setting the best example for your children and it would be following God's laws. Adultery is a sin and it has dire consequences. You have free will and can choose to commit adultery, but you can not choose the consequences. Careful now, you are walking on dangerous ground.
If your gf really cares about you, she will wait for you to marry her. Unfortunately in broken families, she will not just be marrying you, she will be taking on your broken family. She should decide if she really wants all of that burden.

Answer 6

Honestly, if you have joint custody of your kids, then you should not have had your gf over to sleep over. I don't think it sets a good example for your children to have their father (or their mother) have whoever they are dating sleep over night with them.

I know that's not what you want to hear, but it's not an opinion, it's a fact. You can speak to family counselor and they will tell you the same thing. What is it going to tell your son, now that he has seen what he has, if you and your gf break up later on down the road.

Now if you and she were to get engaged and the children were told that you were going to be married then if she would stay over they would be appropriate b/c the kids would know that she is now part of the family.

I'm not saying that your gf shouldn't come around while your kids are with you, but she should definitely not be staying overnight.

As for now, I think you should tell your wife how sorry you are about what your son saw. And you need to be a father and sit down with him and let him ask you questions. This will be a sticky situation but you should answer whatever he asks. Remember, it was you who did this.

I don't think it would be a bad idea for you and your ex to agree not to have sleepovers while each of you have the kids. There's plenty of time for that while the kids are away.

Good luck.

Answer 7

You did nothing wrong, something needs to be done about what your children are hearing from thier mother. It is sad that she is teaching them to be racist. I would haul the whole family into counseling and take care of it that way. Be sure to stay calm and collected. If it does not improve I would fight her for custody.

As for your girlfriend, I know what it is like to lose someone at the hand of another, I would try to contact her and tell her what you plan to do about this. You both need to know that you did not scar your son. I walked in on my parents once, they didn't even lock the door, and I actually did not remember it until it was being laughed about with the adults.

Answer 8

YOU did nothing wrong. She is your girlfriend and you were doing what lovers do.It is unfortunate that your son caught you in the act.But like you said.how could you have known he was under the bed. You did the right thing by locking the door,trying to lock the kids out but instead by no fault of yours you locked one in.

Call your girlfriend and talk to her. I think she is threaten by your wife and your wife is using what your son saw against her to scare her off. GOOD luck and i hope you get back with your girlfrined. You do sound like a great guy...

Answer 9

Wow, that's tough---and embarassing too! I've had my kid walk in too and demand that I stop what I was doing, so I feel your pain.

I really don't have anything, I just can sympathise with what you're feeling.
The soon-to-be-ex though is in the wrong. It's none of her business what you're doing in your bedroom--who told her anyways??
She's trying to turn the kids against you---bad form and it never works really. The kids will see eventually that what she's doing is wrong.

Tell your girlfriend not to be so hard on herself about this---and you too--at 5 they really haven't a clue. And how were you two to know that he was there?? It's not like you check under the bed and look in the closets before gettin' neked, right? ---Although now, you probably should.

Answer 10

5-year-olds do not think the same way adults think. Most normal adults would be sickened by walking in on someone having sex, but a 5-year-old who doesn't understand sex would probably think you were playing a game or something (imagine little kids having wrestling matches). Also, at such a young age, kids have short memories. Most likely, this will be wiped from his memory in 6-9 months, if not sooner. So what you and your gf need to do is not mention it to him, act normal around him, and give him time to forget. He will not realize that it is a big deal unless you give him some indication to that effect. But if you refuse to look at him and act all funny, he will realize that something's up.

Answer 11

Thats sad. i'd talk to a child psychologist about what took place and how to deal with it. see if there is anything you can do to help your son cope with the whoel thing. mabye your girlfreind too since she is also horrified. as for the ex wife, you would just have to explain what happend and that you are sorry and working towards finding a counselor o something to deal with the whoel thing. the cousnelor might say its better to drop it then let the kid re= hash the whole thing over and over ( Though i dont know thats waht they are saying im just saying they MIGHT ) good luck to your son and the rest of your family.

the 2nd half of your Q just posted - exlain to your soon-to-be-ex wife that she is doing more dmaage teaching the kids the N word on purpose. she needs ot lay off. also i hope u can work it out with your grifrlend beg and plead and let her know u know its not her fault as much as you can. i dont knwo what else to say. good luck