I'm a man, mid-30's having a lot of depression. Anyone going through similar?

Question

I've been having depression lately, and this is something men aren't supposed to have. I think it's stress-induced: relationship problems, money problems, and I'm trying to get back in touch with my daughter, who I've not seen since shortly after her birth. I feel really weak because men aren't supposed to have things get them down. I know it's silly to ask total strangers, but I guess it's the anonymity that makes it easy for my self-disclosure. I was just wondering if any other man has gone through/is going through similar. I'm really feeling worthless now and I hate that I feel so weak.

Answer 1

Jack - this is the third answer i have given tonight - its 2am and i am drunk as a ... a drunk actually . Friday is my buddy night. Last week I was out of work with an injury (broken rib playing ball ) and hence my terrible humour and unforgivable behaviour. Now if that was not depression kicking in - then what was ( by the way I am actually tipsey here- swear ). I hate some of the namby pamby replies to answers -I just want to say that any man worth his salt had depression at some time - only idiots and kids dont have it. to name a few- Marlon Brando , Winston Churchill , Harrison Ford ,James Garner ,John Lennon ,Toulouse-Lautrec - I took the time to look these up and believe me the typing is difficult at this stage - ive had a pretty hectic day. anyway we are ibn good company - i have referenced this .By the way _ I got married at nineteen - My daughters of 28 and 21 do not talk to me anymore but my son tinks i am a god. i only ever have girlfriends under 30. I' m vain, but im trying to be a better guy - so we are all in this together. everyone thinks im cool but depression sets in often- believe me.

Answer 2

Its not weakness, dude. Went thru same sh*t 2 yrs ago. Worse part, my wife was depressed as well. Depression sometimes lead to suicide, so its not something to be trivial with. Honestly, have you thought about ending it all? I did... This book, called Early Morning Rain might help. Sorry I dun remember the author's name. Its written by a British monk, borned into Christianity. It changed the way I look at things & taught me to 'let go'. Just reading the book doesn't help, picking out useful tips & putting them into practice does. Particular one which works for me is that when you're having a hard time, remember that time will pass no matter what. Come tomorrow, things would be better, so meanwhile just hang in there. But if you're a pessimist & dun belief that tomorrow will be better, then fine, tomorrow's gonna be tougher, so might as well enjoy today while it last.
And dun search or pursue happiness, doing so only makes you realise you have none at present. Learn to appreciate the good things around you. Happiness is not an object, its just a state of the mind, a change in perspective is all it takes to be happy.

I sincerely hope that you'll find my advice useful and that all works out well for you.

Answer 3

I have to answer even though I'm a woman because you seem to think you can't have the issues your experiencing because you are a man. Who told you that? Men are no different than woman when it comes to dealing with life experiences unless you had a father that taught you that you weren't supposed to show it. You have to do what anyone has to do under the circumstances you described. Get help with a therapist. Sort thought the issues that brought you to this point and then make the appropriate changes to make yourself and your life better. Unless you have a physical issue that requires drugs to control a mental condition, you can get through this and find a way to step above all of what you are going through. Or you can stay where you are, miring in your own pool of self defeat. Take a higher ground and take charge of your life. Not everything is under your control and you can only do what is best. Get some help. You will be happier in the long run.

Answer 4

Hi, Jack,

I know I am not a man, but I hope that it is ok if I answer anyway. First off, you say that men are not supposed to let things get them down. That is one of the biggest lies ever ingrained in little boys heads when they are very young! (Don't cry, son, be a man!) Being a man has nothing to do with it. From the problems that you have described you have every reason to feel down. It doesn't make you worthless, and it doesn't make you weak. I don't have a solution to your problems, and I am not going to give advice on things I know nothing about. But, be encouraged friend. You are not the only one. What doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger in the long run.

Answer 5

First of all, this is not a sign of weakness. Depression is caused by a chemical imbalance and you should get help. If you are willing, please talk with a therapist. Depression in the mid-30's and 40's is extremely common. If you will not go to a therapist, then check out the fortysixty website. It is geared for mid-life (which you may be experiencing). There are wonderful people there and you can chat anonymously with both genders or there is a chat section just for men.

It is a sign of great strength to seek out the help you so deserve. Hang in there, you are not alone.

Answer 6

depression isn't only for women! And it is not about being weak. You're on over load is this the way your body is telling you. Go talk with your doctor and he can prescibe you an antidepressant. In a few weeks you will be back to normal. People get down, that is life. Recently my husband and I both found out were bipolar. He took it pretty hard for the same reason you are taking this depression hard. It is life and there is help for it. Shoot you if you feel embarassed about it then you don't even have to tell anyone you're taking them.

Answer 7

Welcome to the party, pal! It doesn't matter your age or gender, people get depressed. Sometimes it's situational and sometimes it's chemical. I have it and it's chemical. I take anti-depressants because I find it hard to do simple daily tasks if I don't. I have to take it like a diabetic needs to take insulin. It's not a sign of weakness, it's just how it is. I would suggest finding a counselor to discuss some of the issues you're having. Talking to a non-biased third party can do wonders. Bring up how you're feeling to them. They may feel that you need to see a psychiatrist. Counselors can't prescribe medication. If you think men aren't supposed to get down, that's out and out crap. For god's sake, Tony Soprano has been in therapy for 7 years! Good luck.

Answer 8

I am 33 years old and I have depression. I have some marriage problems, money problems and etc. I know alot of guys who have the same problem you are having, and it's ok. What you need to do is go see your doctor and they can perscribe a mild anti-depressant, and possibly some counseling so you don't have to go through this alone. Believe me it helps to be able to talk to someone about what's going on. Don't be ashamed either. Remember it is a sign of weakness if you don't do something about it and it takes over your life. If you want to talk just I/M me or email me. I am a good listener.

Answer 9

Yes, I've been through similar times.....and so have millions of other guys.

You are wrong to think that men aren't "supposed" to have this problem. Most of us are not masters at living and there are so many things that society expects of us, even though equality of the sexes is pushed so much.
But, you are right in that society expects us to be "strong".

Depression often arises when we feel like we are not in control of the direction of our lives. While you may feel this way right now, you have ABSOLUTE control over what you do from this point forward. While you may not have made the best choices in the past, you can make choices that change what direction you are going in the future.

While we are depressed it is difficult to find the mental strength to make the changes we need to. So:

The number one thing I can suggest for you to get back on track is to work out. Everyday. you need to revitalize your body and mind and the best thing you can do to get this started is by getting your blood and oxygen flowing. Nothing extravagant. Just get your body moving any way you can. You will be shocked at how you mental state improves when you improve your physical state. Add a multivitamin to your daily schedule.

Second, you need to realize that you are in complete control of your life. It is a liberating feeling when you can accept 100% responsibility for your life circumstances. You are not a victim.

People have the tendency to attract into their lives what they give most of their attention to. While it may be challenging at first, you need to focus less on what is wrong in your life and put ALL of your attention on what you want your life to be like.

The easiest way to gain control and start acheiving again is to grab a post-it-note and write down your "to do list" ...even the smallest small little things. As you cross off the things you get done, you begin to build momentum in a positive direction...and you accomplish more and more.

So, again:
1-Realize you aren't alone
2- workout
3-take responsibility
4-focus only on what you want
5-write down your goals.

Good luck. Don't give up.

Answer 10

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