I know this is like the number 1 cardinal sin but it has happened to me, and I totally need advice. We work together and from day one I knew she was attracted to me but I never acted on it because I was new at the job. Now that I have been working @ the job for over a yr, she started leaving little notes on my desk saying hello and sending me emails to try to spark a conversation, well we hit it off like crazy its been 6 months that we have been talking and the whole time she has been tellin me she is in the process of getting a divorce and the whole nine yards when actually she hasnt done nothing. Now that the husband has caught on to her she doesnt know what to do because she fell in love with me and i feel so bad because she lied but i love her and im willing to forgive her, she claims she lied because she knew i wouldnt want to talk to her and shes married, well of course but now i dont want to stop with what we have. Shes been with her husband for 15 yrs and she has 2 kids.
2007-06-06 12:46:42 · 17 answers · asked by lancer_254 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Dude...You need to stop this. Have you missed the biggest clue of all? IF SHE IS DOING THIS TO HER CURRENT HUSBAND THEN SHE WILL DO THIS TO YOU TOO!
leave her alone and find a single woman.
2007-06-06 12:56:34 · answer #1 · answered by chrystal_grove 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
First of all...she started the whole relationship with you based on a lie, she's a cheater, and playing games with you and her husband. She doesn't sound like she has very good morals or character....and players are great at coming up with excuses for their inappropriate behavior.
If she truly wanted divorced and has fell in love with you...she would be gone from her husband and pursuing a divorce...period.
You shouldn't feel bad because you believed that she was an available woman, she pursued you, and you are innocent...but now that you know what the truth is I hope you will do the right thing and leave this man's wife alone until you see proof of a seperation/divorce (paperwork) because like it or not this woman is a liar..and a good one.
Don't be part of breaking up a home...it will come back on you. And how could you possibly believe or trust anything she says anymore?
Love is blind....stop looking through rose colored glasses and see this for what it is. Don't feel sorry for her....I'm sure she's painted a picture of spousal abuse, misery, etc so you'll feel sorry for her. Don't feel sorry for her...she's a con-artist and manipulator.
My bet is that she's wants her cake and eat it too....she'll still want to have an affair with you....and will never leave her husband. She'll always have an excuse to stay with him.
I think that your on the losing end and going to go through some pain if you continue this with her.
2007-06-06 13:04:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like something that i have been through but the guilt is just too much to bear that i ended it before anything bad happens. you are probably so into it that you can't see for yourself what a selfish person she is...i mean why did she lie to you in the first place and cheats on her husband. it's easy to find a reason or many reasons to be with her but come on, what do you really want with her? do you see a future or is this a case of tasting the forbidden fruit? it's easy to be carried away by the excitement but at what cost? you will probably have nothing to lose at all at the end of the day but what about her family and kids? what kind of advice are you looking for? if you love each other, then i am sure there is a better way out of this situation. you are in love but do you love her...there is a big difference there.
2007-06-06 13:43:39 · answer #3 · answered by labrin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NOT ONLY ARE YOU FOOLISH; YOU ARE STUPID TOO!
You need to find someone more honest and trusting to give your affection to. ARE YOU SO DESPERATE THAT YOU ARE WILLING TO SHARE YOUR LIFE WITH SOMEONE WHO LIED TO YOU?
YOU NEED TO BE CONCERNED WITH THE FUTURE LIES AND EXCUSES SHE WILL GIVE YOU, WHEN SHE IS READY TO MOVE ON WITHOUT YOU! A LEOPARD NEVER CHANGES IT SPOTS AND THIS 'CAT' WANTED OUT! YOU JUST FELL FOR HER TRAP.
SURE, YOU CARE ABOUT HER; BUT, YOU CAN DO THAT WITH SOMEONE OF QUALITY AS WELL.
A N Y O N E who gets a divorce, needs and should be alone for a while. It cleanses their self worth to offer a new person 'a whole' person. She is not whole! She has given some to the hubby and some of herself to you.
You, on the other hand, did not bring any baggage to the relationship, just your GULLIBILITY! Don't just walk away, RUN AWAY BEFORE YOU ARE FEELING LIKE A FOOL WHEN SHE SHOWS HER TRUE COLORS TO YOU...and that won't take long after you commit/marry her.
THE PLAYA HAS BEEN WARNED!
2007-06-06 13:14:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she was/is having a secret relationship with you based on falsehoods and cover-ups then she doesn't really love you; she loves all the drama.
You are in love with someone who is projecting an image, not a real person. You think you know her and love the person you think you know but it turns out you didn't actually know everything after all, right?
If she never made any moves to divorce her husband then let me tell you, she still loves him. Period. Everything she's said about him (he is cruel, neglectful, abusive, blahblahblah whatever) is probably not true either; she said those things so you wouldn't feel bad about getting involved with her. If you knew how self-centered she was really being, you wouldn't get involved and you wouldn't belive you loved her.
You don't love her, you love what you thought was her and you were decieved. Go find someone who is ready and able to have a real relationship - warts and all - that will trust you enough to tell you the truth about themselves. Would you stay with someone who turned out to be a con artist? Same thing, I'm afraid.
2007-06-06 12:56:17 · answer #5 · answered by Cassandra G 4 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Marry her and she'll do the same to you as her husband,. Wake up. She cannot make UP her mind., The fact that she told you she's in the divorce process and is NOT, indicates a person who likes to create a lot of problems and have other Bale her out. She's trouble. Lick your wounds, change jobs and change phone number and consider yourself lucky!
Thugs is a hard thing to do bu it it will save tour life. A few love notes and nice conversation and good looks IS NOT a relationship!
2007-06-06 12:59:52 · answer #6 · answered by Legandivori 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Even if she did leave her husband to be with you do you think it will work???? How long will it be before she's flirting with the next new guy on the job? She's loose!!! Do you really think she wouldn't do it to you? Neither of you will ever fully trust the other because of how you met. It's a curse for the sin commited! Get over it and leave it alone. Do you think you could be a better father to her kids HOME WRECKER?
2007-06-06 13:03:10 · answer #7 · answered by Truth Hurts 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Someone in my immediate family is having a VERY similar situation-- this family member is the Married Woman in your story, she's having an affair with her co-worker who is 6 years younger than her. Been married to her husband for almost 7 years, thankfully no kids.
I bet you these women must have had a horrible marriage or just extremely unhappy with their husband--- while your woman lied to you by hasn't even begun with the process of divorce yet, I bet she had been thinking about getting divorced for a VERY long time (even before you 2 met), but she didn't have the guts to do it because she's afraid of being alone. She's probably the needy or clingy type and has self-esteem issue. If she has good head in her shoulders she would've ended her horrible marriage even before she met you (or any new boyfriends)--- because it should be all about making a better choice for herself even though it's scary to be alone out there. If you continue seeing her you're contributing to the failure of their marriage, sorry to say that but it's true whether you like it or not. Now that you know what you know, are you going to be able to live with yourself knowing that you have contributed to someone else's failed marriage?
You should not get involved with her anymore, stop it right now. There are many women out there with a better common sense and less emotional bagage. You don't want to be her 2nd victim.
2007-06-06 12:56:20 · answer #8 · answered by Bobbie 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
there's a lot of single ladies out there...why her? what do you feel if you are in her husbands shoes and caught your wife with another man knowing the 2 of you spent 15 yrs with 2 kids in stake? Her husband could turn around and hunt you if he caught both of you on the spot! Get yourself an un attached woman and just for you cause you obviously can't share too so..don't steal someone else's.
2007-06-06 12:56:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well first off you are a home wrecker.There is no way that you didn't know that she wasn't getting a divorce.The "don't call me at home or before this time and not after this time" conversations you probably had didn't give you that clue?
Secondly,If she lied and decieved her husband to hide you then what makes you so special? She will do it to you also.Good luck.I hope her husband beats the living crap out of you.
2007-06-06 12:52:40 · answer #10 · answered by thejrzdevil 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She lied, she will lie again and truth be know she probably had problems in her marriage and had no intentions of getting divorced until she got caught. Sorry to be the one to tell you that but she was looking for a safety net before she jumped so to speak.
I wouldn't carry on with her you will only get your hear broken.
2007-06-06 12:52:36 · answer #11 · answered by swtlilblonde31 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋