I came back from looking at a new apartment for my husband and I (he could not make it), as I was telling him about the place I asked him a question, he refused to answer me, but then asked me a question and demanded that i answer him. Then he stood up and slammed his fist down on the table right infront of my face. As he walked away i told him he is mean. He screamed at me from across the house and said "F*** You!" I said I cannot be with someone that's going to treat me this way (he has acted out like this in the past), and he said "Their is the F******* door then, you can just leave. I said you don't care? And he said "There is the door." My husband is in the Marine Corp, he tells me he loves me but i don't think he does.....can someone please give me some adivse about this situation? thank you so much....
2007-06-06 11:55:31 · 26 answers · asked by ilih2006 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he has NEVER been deployed. He has acted out in anger before throwing things, hitting things across the room, cursing, telling me to shut up.
2007-06-06 12:04:35 · update #1
Lets us look at some of the possible scenarios, He is in the marines the chances of him right now going to war or should I say being deployed to Iraq are quiet high, which means his lifes chances are also involved. When your thoughts are on this ie you can be deployed at any time and might not come back your view of an apartment really does not mean much.. You about to put told you are going to put your life on the line and that is a great stress, one that may end up leaving your family that you love destitute, esp if there are children on the way or there. Best thing is to one let him unwind after work, let him know you love him, ask him if he might get deployed and wha should you do. By your letter I am guessing that he will be and is having a hard time with it. Be supportive and understanding, his fears are not where yours are right now. His telling you to leave is his way of protecting you.
2007-06-06 13:20:39 · answer #1 · answered by Pengy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This could all be fairly meaningless. You say that you were out because he couldn't go with you and then when you came back you hit him with this and that and the other thing. My guess is you never gave him time to decompress.
How was his day? What was going on with him? How was his work? Were there problems or issues?
My guess is you had no clue because you didn't stop to ask. He could have been in the middle of a massive horrible day and you didn't even stop to find out.
Give him a break. Be forgiving. Ask him what's up with him, work, etc.
Several times in your explanation it is pretty obvious to see you backed him into a corner, demanded things of him, and he wasn't ready to deal with it at that point. He may be a Marine but it is obvious you were making emotional demands on him, that he had to meet for you (not for the relationship, just for you) and at that moment he wasn't prepared to do that.
Give him time. Give him a break. And try to approach it softer and with more flexibility next time.
Also, one final note gals, don't ever demand a husband's time as soon as you or he walks in the door. Give the man some space, they need it, and then ask if you can bring up this issue or that issue (moving, kids, whatever ...). Don't just assume he can or wants to talk to you at your convenience. He should be allowed to hear you at his convenience as well.
2007-06-06 11:58:55 · answer #2 · answered by John B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a former Marine, but I don't agree with him treating you this way. However, I also understand the stress that comes with the uniform. And I can only imagine how hard it is to be a marine spouse.
I think there is probably something else wrong here, or he is pissed off at something else and is taking it out on you instead.
Try taking a step back and communicating with him. Marines many times feel like "you are either with me, or against me". And so it then becomes easy for us to, at least on the surface, seem cold and mean. Deep down I'm sure he loves you, and wants to be with you. Try communicating again, but if he esclates things you have to try and defuse things, not fire back.
Feel free to email me if you need to talk it out more, would be happy to help/listen. Good luck, hang in there.
2007-06-06 12:04:50 · answer #3 · answered by Tim 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes there are other issues your husband could be dealing with and may have taken it out on you. I am not trying to defend him. I am just trying to get you to think if there is a bigger issue that he or you both are dealing with. Could it be the stress of his job and why are you looking for an apartment for him? Wait until he has had sometime to cool down and then try talking to him about it. We all say things we don't mean when we are angry. You know your husband better than anyone. He has to find another way that he can vent his anger.
2007-06-06 12:09:47 · answer #4 · answered by CARM 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has he recently come home from deployment or is he going to be deployed? He might be under a lot of stress and may need to see a therapist.
The Marines want your marriage to work. They want to uphold honor. They have programs in place to help couples deal with the difficulties of military life. Talk to his CO and see what might be available to help you tow out.
2007-06-06 12:01:52 · answer #5 · answered by Melanie J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get out fast!!!!! the man is a time bomb waiting to explode!!!! don't wait until you become a tragic victim. i've known men in the marines and i know they are taught to think violently. it's supposed to make them more fierce. i also know some women who have been abused by marines who acted this way. i'm not saying all marines are wife beaters, but the ones who have trouble separating friends from foes are the ones to watch out for. please leave before you become a statistic
2007-06-06 12:06:17 · answer #6 · answered by kristen b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why in the world would you let someone talk to you that way? My guess is he doesn't think you will leave, because he's talked to you that way in the past, so he's venting. I would call his bluff. When he wakes up one morning, be gone. Avoid his calls. When you do finally talk to him again, you can say, with all honesty, "You told me to go." He's going to try to get you back. But, come on. I don't care who you are. YOU deserve better than that. Stand up for yourself.
2007-06-06 12:00:34 · answer #7 · answered by missbliss4u63 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whoa, I don't care if you guys were arguing (everyone argues every once in a while) - but it should be unacceptable to say such things; even in the worst of arguments. If someone told me to leave - I would.
2007-06-06 12:06:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
try talking to him
maybe he loves you, maybe no
but the unique way to know it should be talking and asking
maybe that day he was just so upset, maybe he did not mean it.
so i think, having a good conversation is the best way to solve all your doubts.
dont commit a mistake. you can regret it
God bless you and help you to take the best decision.
2007-06-06 12:24:18 · answer #9 · answered by ema 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont know what you should do but the first post looked usefull.
I just wanna throw in DO NOT listen to the people telling you flat out that he doesnt love you!!!! they don't know and acting like they do makes them look stupid and conceited.....
im sorry you have to go through that try not to lose your cool, maybe hes going through a frustrating period of life??
2007-06-06 12:16:40 · answer #10 · answered by ari 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋