Why is there such a gap between Mothers and fathers rights to children in a divorce situation?

Question

Lately there have been a ton of ads on the radio in my area about fathers rights being a joke as it pertains to custody of children and such. To me there should be given equal weight to the Mother and Father in a divorce situation with the court deciding based upon each case what happens. It seems as though it is automatically assumed that the Mother will retain the kids after a divorce, but why is that and what needs to happen in order to have that changed?

Answer 1

A few things:
-the mother is NOT a better role model for the kids (studies show that fatherless children are worse off in childhood and as adults then motherless children)
-the courts are only SUPPOSED to act in the best interests of the children, but rarely do...a crackhead prosititute mom was awarded sole custody of her kids because the father stated in court that he felt they would only be safe in a stable home, and if that meant he had to take them away...you can guess the rest. He was then "a flight risk" and mom got the kids. Dad pays support but has no rights to see them.
-in court, if a father wants more custody, it's assumed he's trying to get out of support. If a mother wants more custody, it's because she's trying to be a better parent to the kids. WTF??

Father's rights IS a joke because, although it's stated clearly in the state statutes and federal laws the way custody and support is supposed to be determined is in the best interests of the kids, those laws aren't followed or enforced. What needs to happen is that men should go for the custody they want (as long as it's for the kids best interest), not just accept what is offered to them by their ex and attorneys, and fight like he!! to get it.

Answer 2

Sometimes things are unfair to fathers. I agree that mom and dad should have equal rights. Maybe its the reputation that men have gotten over many years, they have more of a tendency to walk away, cheat, do drugs, or abuse. Or because men earn more money in most jobs. Or they work so much that they cant make the time to take kids. Maybe cause women usually have a stronger maternal instinct to protect their child at any cost! This can be good and bad. Some women are ruthless and make things appear worse than they are. There is no wrath like the wrath of a woman scorn.
You have a good question. Perhaps people need to take marriage alittle more seriously. Then there would be less divorce. Instead of people looking to divorce as an out, perhaps we should have to take relationship/marriage classes Before we even enter into such a major commitment. Many people think that its suppose to be easy to be in a relationship, when they really need lots of work, time and energy. Its not all Lovey all the time.
Or maybe the Ads are makin men feel like they are getting the short stick cause the Ads are trying to rake in the money. They play on insecurities and pride ya know.

Answer 3

True,the courts do lean to giving custody to the mothers unless she is ruled unfit or declines custody. Reasons for being ruled unfit are child and/or drug/mental abuse. This is probably due to the maternal instincts of raising kids and the many problems fathers incur. So other than splitting the kids right down the middle and giving each parent a half,the Judges do the bes they can which may not always appear as the bes solution but other factors come into play as schooling, work schedules, kids as well as parental activities, etc.to factor in. The Judge didnt force people to divorce and isnt God when it comes to making everyone happy. The judges look out for the best interest of the kids and tries their best to divide time equally between parents which obvious never works, but divorcing parents do have another option, figure this all out before going into court and letting the Judge sort it all out. Each case is handled seperately and the state government hands down the guidelines that Judges try to follow in cases. There is no humanly way possible to give equal anything to both parties in a divorce case.

Answer 4

The truth is the court acts in the best interests of the children in every case. They usually decide to grant custody to a fit mother because it is the mother who usually provides most of the childcare.

Another problem is that a LOT of men desert their children and so I think the court and a lot of the public prefer to side with mothers.

Then there is my personal favorite....I even divorced one of these. Its the guy who willingly and knowingly gives up rights and then cries to the world how much he loves his kids and how unfair it all is. In the case of my and a few friends ex's, they wanted to go out and be free, they signed the custody papers with no argument, then they all started telling people the kids were taken from them! BAM! Everyone hears this drivel and begins telling everyone else how fathers are getting screwed.

The truth in that situation is that the fathers did NOT want the responsibility of caring for children 24/7/365.

Until the bad ones out there stop acting the fool, the good ones will not get a fair shake.

Answer 5

This is a multifaceted problem but the short answer is that because we live in a patriarchal society, the roles of men and women have been cemented in society as man, the breadwinner and woman the caretaker. There is an inherent bias that women are the better caregivers of children and men don't want the responsibility. For this reason, women are usually given custody of the children in divorce situations.

I agree with you that both parents should be given equal custody of the child in a divorce. However, until men began to demand their right to be part of their children's lives, other than every other weekend, AND work to change custody laws, not much will change, unfortunately.

Answer 6

as someone who has been through a divorce as a child, i tihnk that either the father or the mother can be just as fit parents, even sometimes the father is the better person... i've seen in many situations the mother after a divorce, being a young mother with older children going out to the clubs and not even reall paying attention to her kids.. not right, whereas i know some fathers who would just do anything for their kids, every situation is different and people shouldn't have generalizations on whether it's better that a mother have them automatically or the father, every family is different

Answer 7

That will always be the case because a mother and childs bond is stronger than a father and child (just a fact). Mothers invest more time in their children from day one, starting with carrying the child for 9 months (something a father can't do), breastfeeding, changing diapers, nursing them back to health. Even if the father plays an active role the bulk of the responsibility is that of the mother.

Answer 8

I don't know about "such a gap" but I do know the following:

1) Mothers generally and historically have more "emotional investment" in their children and hence usually take better care of them
2) Fathers historically have removed themselves from caretaking responsibilities
3) Fathers historically seem to think "it's all about money" - as soon as you start whining about paying child support, the court will peg you as someone who doesn't really care about his children's well-being
4) Fathers generally and historically have not fought for custody or joint custody, thus furthering the idea that they have less "emotional investment" in their own children
5) Mothers will usually fight very hard to keep their children
6) It has been proven that the younger the child, the closer they usually are to their mother AND that children are more damaged by a lack of good relations with their mother than lack of relations with their father.

There's more but remember, courts aren't one-sided just because they hate men/fathers; there's good reason for them to be biased. Whining about it rather than fighting the good fight does not change the courts view of it all.

I personally believe that it has a LOT to do with men/father's historically complaining about paying child support and not doing so. Men have throughout time made themselves look cold and callous towards their children by arguing against supporting them. Regardless of whether a man/father thinks it's "fair" or not to pay his support (and for some reason they seem to think it's money going to their ex rather than the kids) the courst have decided and they aren't going to believe him when he whines that he loves his kids if he isn't even willing to take financial responsibility for them!

If fathers want more rights to their kids they need to make the argument about nurturing and caretaking - NOT MONEY. The fact that there are so many "father's rights" groups that repeatedly whine about the money paid out just makes most judges believe that they really DON'T care about their kids - they only care about possessions and money.

Kids are not possessions which mothers have historically known and fostered that attitude, men need to follow suit if they want to be taken seriously as potential caregivers.

Answer 9

Society automatically thinks that's what happens. I can tell you from experience with my brother that it does go the other way as well. Courts go by which parent has been the child's primary care giver, income, living situation, etc. There is a list of references the courts will go through before determining which parent will keep the child. My brother has sole custody of my neice and visitation is allowed to my ex-sister in law. My own personal case, I have physical custody but joint legal custody (I think that's how it goes). We both make decisions on our daughter's behalf but she lives with me primarily.

Answer 10

I SOOO agree with Melanie J... that is the truth. Nothing will change until the majority makes a difference. Most men don't really care where the kids end up as long as they don't have to take care of them. My ex has called his daughters MAYBE 5 times in the past 2 years... and he has been running from child support enforcement for just as long. When the woman gets pregnant, she is bonded to that child for life. She is the one that carrys it, feels it, and goes through all the pain. Meanwhile, the man is off saying that it's either not his child, or you never hear from him again. Having said that... some women are just as bad. Leaving their kids with their family members to raise... or leaving them in a trash can. Things really need to change in this world.