My boyfriend thinks I stole from him?!?

Question

Today my boyfriend decided to help me pay to register my car because I moved to NY to be with him. We have been together about 6 years. So last night he gave me 500 dollars, because we are not sure what it will cost. he told me to count it and I counted 500. So anyway today i came home and left the money and receipts for him. Heres the thing, I did lie to him and use 12 dollars for something so since they were all fifties I needed to replace the 12 and give him a fifty. As soon as he came home I asked him for my allowance but he had already counted the money and told me he slipped an extra 50 in to see if I would say anything. Now he says im a thief and I stole from him. I am really bad with money so thats why he is handeling my money and I get an allowance from him. So I told him thats why I asked for my allowance so I could go to the store and exchange that cash for another 50 and then tell him I found another 50 in my purse. I told him that I am guilty of lieing but steal?

Ok yes I need to grow up, let me add that I am in my twenties and he in his thirties. I am trying to change. I pay my bills and I pay him rent but I do not save and thats his problem with me. It was my idea to let him handle my money. I like to buy clothes, shoes, makeup, stuff for the house, etc. But the question here is DID I STEAL FROM HIM ANd what would you think of your girlfriend/boyfriend that you love and share things with. He only gives me 10 dollars per day to live on, I live in NYC so things are expensive. Should he have tried to set me up like that and throw in the extra fifty? OK so what can I do to make this right and let him know I will never do this again and I will grow up? Please help, I love him to death and I dont want to ruin things. Whenever he is mad at me I want to die and I dont care about anything else.

By the way, he has no mortgage on this house and I give him $500 per month plus I do ALL the cleaning and it has to be cleannnn everday for him not to nag at me. His great uncle lives downstairs and we both take care of him, I do the gardening and I give him massages everday cuz he has back pain. So its not like I am totally irresponsible.

Answer 1

yu ned to gro up...

Answer 2

I will be honest with you I don't like what I am hearing. Yes, I can understand why your boyfriend is mad about the money deal. You did lie. That isn't cool. However he is your boyfriend not your day and you are't 14 years old. He shouldn't be setting you up. I can also respect that you need to save money for the future. You obviouly have job if you are giving him 500 a month. I can see giving you some money etc, but when you aren't allowed to do what you want to do when you want, that is being controlled and this whole deal shoulds pretty controlling to me.

What does he do with your money, where is it? Is your name on the account? If the two of your broke up or he leaves you do you still have acess you your own money?

Please reconsider this whole deal, Plust if it is your money and you spend 12 dollars so what. He can't do anything about that. you are an adult.

Good luck and please think about everything you told us and look at this situation as you read it about someone else.

Answer 3

Something that bothers me in this story is this: you say that he gave you $500. You say you counted it out. Then you get distracted by this little story about $12 and your attempt to restore the $12 without him knowing it was gone. That is a distraction from the main story, in my opinion. He said that he slipped in an extra $50 to see if you would notice. Then he accused you of being a thief. My impression is that he accused you of stealing the extra $50 he slipped in since you think he gave you $500 and you were trying to give him back exactly $500.
Am I understanding this correctly? He seems to be calling you a thief for stealing the extra $50 he 'slipped in' the original $500. Did you take that $50 and think he made a mistake and he wouldn't notice? He was trying to lay a trap for you; he's using THAT as the reason to call you a thief - he is saying that you took the extra $50. Did you? Did you just think it was a mistake and so it would be 'free money', like someone dropping a quarter that you notice and pick up for yourself?
You can explain all you want what you are doing but I think this guy is using you. If I were you, I'd get out of that relationship and that situation as soon as possible. I don't care how long you've been with him - he treats you like a pimp treats one of his girls when it comes to money. I assume that when you talk about your money, you are talking about money that you earn.
Money that you earn is money that you need to learn to handle yourself. He's not helping you; he's using you plain and simple. Your declarations that you love him are the reason he can get away with this crap. No other person would stand for it for one minute.
Consider those 6 years a prelude to a real life, the life you can have when you choose to grow up and lose this pimp-type guy. He can try to find a roommate who will pay him rent and do his cleaning and give him sex. Good luck with that, fella. Unless he's Brad Pitt, don't expect girls to be lining up for that job.

Answer 4

I don't think your boyfriend set you up at all. I think he's LYING about that REALLY! And I'd be more upset with the fact that he didn't trust you in the first place. He's playing a mind game. You counted the money in front of him and counted $500.00. He's playing this game to control you even more and to have something over on you. If you're not trust worthy he shouldn't be with you to begin with. He should have never set you up. I think your boyfriend is a full of crap person, control freak, and needs to grow up. If I were you I'd take every penny I could from him and go shopping...then leave him of course!

Answer 5

Girl, I think you need to go back where you feel comfortable living and drop this so called boyfriend. He wants to raise a child let him go adopt. You are allowing him to use you and allowing him to slam your self image. This isn't love and it isn't a healthy relationship. Take your 5 ben franklins and get away to your own place. Cleaning house and back rubs everyday are descriptions of J O B's that your could earn money at as a Nurses Aide or employee at a retirement facility. Get your self straight and get the hell away. You'll be talked into you being crazy and needing medication if you don't. The longer you wait the deeper it will get.

Answer 6

Ok, what is your problem? First of all do you have a job? If you do, why the heck are you letting him give you an allowance with your own money? Second, when you lie about a measly twelve bucks it makes it look like you do steal and cheat. Be honest with the man for goodness sake. This behavior would not happen in my house, I don't get an allowance I earn my money by working and it will be a cold day when my boyfriend "tells me" what I can spend. You would be out of my house with the lies and attitude you have.

Answer 7

I assume this was a test your boyfriend decided to do to see if you would steal. Bad idea on his part because it showed mistrust. So, you don't handle your money good, that isn't a crime. You spent 12 dollars and was going to repay him. I can see why you did what you did because you didn't want to hear him about how you handle money, but it is your money after all. So, did you steal? No, did you lie? Yes, You should never be put into this type of situation to have to lie. You do need to get a better understanding of how to handle money, but allowing someone else that much control over you and your money is scary. Take back the control over you and your money because love isn't about controlling someone. I have no doubt he loves you, but after all your not his child for him to treat this way. Relationships are 50/50, not 90/10. I hope this has helped some and it wasn't my intentions to be mean. You asked for me to look at this and I call it as I see it.

Answer 8

He is controlling you heavy - I guess he feels he has to cause you can't control yourself - stop saying you are trying to change, and actually do it! Show him you can work with money by budgeting your allowance so you don't have to borrow $12 from him! Actions speak louder than words -

Regarding all the cleaning etc - your a much better wife than I am! My hubby has to help allot at home but then again, I help him put food on the table, so he needs to help set it!

Answer 9

you hae been with him 6 years and no wedding band. well hes helping you? you are helpiong him also. there is 1;2 a deal going on here. are you blind. well you do not need him. you can fix yourself and use the money you want by moving out. yes, i would and i would let him have it. yes, you are helping hes helping but hes also setting you up showing you are not trusting to him and he knows it so therefore will he ever marry you i doubt it. the fact of the matter is if something should happen to him and he dies if he has will you would be left out with nothing. and the fact is i bet hes not giving you nothing. so does't make sense how long you are with him hes gone you are left with nothing for all those years. get out and get a life and find someone to love and be respected also. its a small world and there are alot of men out there.

Answer 10

im not going to say that you are stupid because we all make mistakes and learn from them...this is a mistake he has you wrapped around his finger and when he says jump you go ask how high.....do you watch Lifetime...if not imma need you to get on that....why would you move to one of the expensivest places in the world with a man that you are not married to....then you pay rent? if this was his decision for yoiu to move he should pay your living expenses such as rent and you need to get a job....having a man issue out your money is like saying i am a kid and i need help with everything i do....i have been to NY and $10 can not even get you a cab home....$10 does not even buy gas...$10 does not do NOTHING in NY....while you at home gardening and taking care of someone elses relatives you need to think about what you have gotten yourself into....this is NOT a good idea...go back home and enjoy your 20's...your PRINCE is out there waiting to treat you like the PRINCESS that you are....

Answer 11

Hun, if you were my daughter, I would be advising you to get out of that relationship NOW.
A man who truly loves you would never dream of setting you up the way he did, and he would never accuse you of lying or stealing from him, based on what you supposedly did
.
He sounds like he has some serious control issues, and it might be best for you to distance yourself from him. There are debt counselors right in your city that can help you "learn" to manage your own money... not take it away from you if you're naughty, or accuse you of stealing and lying.

You "give" him $500 a month of YOUR money, clean so that he doesn't nag at you, you help take care of HIS uncle, do the gardening and then he plays games like this? Hun, this isn't a relationship you're in... because a real relationship is based on trust, and truly caring for the other person.

See a debt counselor and learn to manage your own money, and please.... do a re-think about what not only what HE means to you, but what YOU mean to him.
No loving man would ever dream of treating you this way.

I'm sorry if I've overstepped the boundaries here, but I'm only telling you what I would tell my own daughter.

{{{ Hugs }}}

http://www.cccscny.org/

http://newyork.citysearch.com/search?gcats=100&cats=537