Marriage is boring.?

Question

Once the routine kicks in, marriage becomes so boring and monotnous. Any ideas on how to keep romance alive? Can you ever feel like you did when you were first begininng to date?

I forgot to mention, we already have a child, a one year old daughter. Its really hard to balance work, kids, family time, time for ourselves AND THEN time together.

Answer 1

Marriage is a 2 way street. Make sure that you do things that he likes. and vice versus. If he likes to watch baseball and you think it is like watching grass grow ask him to explain it and try to enjoy it with him.

Then make him go shopping for rugs together.

Men are not mind readers we actually do whatever seams correct.

An old saying my granddad told me. "When a woman marries man she expects him to change into what she sees as the perfect man. And he never does. When a man marries a woman he expects her to stay exactly the same.... and she never does."

Just realize that Marriage is not easy but can be great as long as you and your spouse can talk about anything from what do you think that dirt is on the floor over there to Where do you want to do it tonight?

Good luck. But just talk. (guys say they don't like it but we actually do.)

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

Keeping the romance and passion alive is the perpetual struggle in any long term relationship. And it becomes even more of a challenge when you have a young child, careers to juggle, an ever growing to-do list and not enough hours in the day!!!

Your question about feeling like you did when you were first dating is one that experts have started investigating with very interesting results. Research actually shows that a NEW romance literally works like a drug on the brain. Falling in love is linked with elevated levels of the chemical dopamine, which regulates the feel-good mechanism also associated with drug addiction. The object of your affection tends to become the brain’s singular focus (much like an addiction!) This explains why the smallest gestures are filled with real thoughtfulness. Why you focus on showing the other person how much you care. You find the time to express your affection in creative ways, in physical ways – as often as possible. All the little things that add up to romance.

The good news is that these same experts say married couples can keep the dopamine flowing well after they say “I do.” The key isn’t so much about learning new skills. It’s often more about forgetting to act in your predictable patterns. It's about getting OUT of that routine you mention in any way you can. Any time you throw in a surprise – a last-minute trip, an unusual date location, an unexpected gift – it stimulates this reward center of the brain. Novelty also triggers the same physical sensations – like stomach butterflies and sweaty palms – you both experienced when your relationship was brand-new. Romance in marriage is not about grand gestures and elaborate planning. It is more of a marathon than a sprint.

One really great tip that's worked wonders is the "60 second principle." When you come together after being apart all day, stop what you’re doing and spend 60 seconds looking each other in the eye and talking. That means stop whatever you’re doing – reading the paper, watching television, cooking dinner, playing with your child, etc. This 60-second reconnection exercise works at a subconscious level, creating a sense of warmth and home. The conversation need not be deep, or emotional, or about anything in particular. Just smile at each other and share the events of the day…both talking and listening. It sounds simple but when done consistently, it can be very powerful.

With a young child, it's also key to give yourself permission to prioritize your marriage. Your marriage needs to come first, and here’s why: your kids will wait while you build your marriage, but your marriage won’t wait for your kids to grow up. Ask any couple whose marriage ended just as their kids left home.

All too often, couples allow children to take center stage, placing the needs of the marriage on hold. Depending on the initial health of the marriage, this “holding pattern” can be successfully managed through compromise and good communication. However, many relationships are badly wounded by the neglect that occurs when children take priority over the marriage.

Prioritizing romance will take effort - anything worthwhile does, right? But it can truly mean the difference between a marriage on life support and a life long love affair.

Hoping you break out of that routine - even if just a little bit :)

Answer 4

Are you married? I'm guessing you're not, and you shouldn't get married until you get an attitude adjustment. If you are married, you're doing something wrong. It only becomes routine if you let it. Although there's a certain amount of comfort in routine -- which I'll take any day of the week over constant drama -- boring is bad. As long as you and your spouse do new and different things now and then to keep the romance alive, it doesn't get boring. If, on the other hand, you just sit on your hands and wait for the boredom to set in, it will.

The biggest and easiest way to keep it interesting is to go on dates. A regular weekly or monthly date night is an absolute must! Go out to dinner, or to a movie, or dancing, or whatever you used to do when you were first dating, or would do if you were to meet tomorrow. Dating is really all about getting to know someone and trying to impress them. What better way to keep from getting bored with your spouse?

The next best thing is to surprise your spouse now and then. A husband who surprises his wife with a weekend at the Ritz-Carlton is as happy as the wife who surprises her husband by bringing him a beer in a naughty nurse's uniform while he's watching the game. These are just a few examples of thinking outside the box instead of letting work, kids, and routine run your marriage into the ground.

"If it isn't new, it's through." Words to live by.

Answer 5

If my husband and I are ever bored, we certainly don't blame it on the fact that we got married! That is such an immature comment.

Okay, so if your running around to shopping, vacations, restaurants, etc. then you would think marriage is really excellent? Well, I'm assuming your not a millionaire and you can't just do these things whenever you want, so money's what you blame it on. Not the marriage!

If your sitting around watching TV and bored because there's nothing good on TV then that's what you blame it on. Not the marriage!

Overall, if you as husband and wife are both really bored. then the husband and wife is who you blame it on. Not the marriage! Get my drift?

Go out to dinner, take each other shopping, go for a walk, join a gym, have different sex all night, give him a bath w/a manicure and pedicure, work in the yard, massage each other, go rent a movie, go to another couple's house or invite people over, etc.......

It is only what you make it. Make it wonderful, because you'll get back from this marriage, what you put into it! Good Luck

Answer 6

In one sentence. They take each other for granted. They forget to keep the romance going. They forget about the things they used to do when they were single and courting each other. They forget to put aside "special" time for each other on a regular basis. Simply put, they forget about each others personal needs. The stresses of living seem to take over, eg. financially providing for his/her family, buying a home, raising children....all those things become a priority, yet when a person works so hard to be successful in what I have just said, they sit back and loook at what they have achieved, but realise they have drifted away from each other. There has to be a balance...if you put all your energies into providing the material things of this world and raising your children, then something has to give, and usually it is always the love and intimacy component in the marriage.

Answer 7

Marriage is only boring if you let it become that way. How long have you been married? You need to have time for the 2 of you. We have a 10yr old, 6yr old, and a premie baby and we still make time it a point to be alone.

Answer 8

Your marriage is what you put into it. If you don't put much into it you don't get much out of it. How do you feel about self-help books? I have two. One I have read and the other is on my summer reading list. However, it has gotten positive reviews.

The first is "The Five Love Languages". This book talks about how people interpret love differently and how to do/say things that your mate will interpret as loving.
http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/learn.html

The second is "Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic". It was suggested on this forum by the one known (I believe) as libraryjunkie. It looks interesting. And the reviews given by professional and amateur are positive.
http://www.amazon.com/Mating-Captivity-Reconciling-Erotic-Domestic/dp/0060753633

Answer 9

ive been maried for 3 years and never felt boring.im quite conteint with stabilty in my life and having someone there for me that loves me. of course our bedroom life is great too pick up a karma sutra or simply look up sites on the net that offer more exciting stuff for you to do. communicate more to eachother and treat others especally your loved one how you would want to be treated.

dont resort to having kids in an already stressed marriage kids can be verry attention and time consuming and will take alot of attention away from both of you equaly and that will cause more problems.

things are only boring if you make it that way. try to rember what you have in life and be gratefull for it many are not gratefull for what they have till it is too late and is already gone.

Answer 10

I have read that the only way to keep passion is by being slightly unfamiliar...like a foreign land, that always has to be rediscovered. By encouraging differences, it keeps things interesting. Say you take up a new sport or something. Or new hobby. It's fun for you, and also makes you seem interesting to your partner.