Mom wants me to call off the wedding!?

Question

So the gist of my problem, is that my fiance never asked my father if he could marry me (he tried but my dad yelled at him). My mother told me that I should call off the wedding until he does, because if he doesn't respect my parents now, he won't respect me later.

Is this true?

The two of us and my parents have had a really rocky relationship for the past three or four years. During which my fiance had put up with more than his share of being yelled at and called various names (my parents even tried to get him fired once).

I love him, but is my judgment clouded by my excitement over the wedding??

HELP!

Both my fiance and I are 21 years old, and have been dating for around 4 years now.

His religion and cultural background differ from my parents'.
He is a baptist and was raised by what my parents call "Coon-@ sses" (it's a southern derogatory term used to describe people who are cajuns).

They are also hostile towards him because I moved cross-state to go to college, nearer to him and we're getting married in his church by his pastor.

And yes... my parents are very manipulative, and very controlling.

Answer 1

He tried and they wouldn't let him. It sounds more like your parents don't respect him now and won't later. Talk to your parents, if they will, about what their issues with your fiance are. Don't take a "He's not the right one for you." or "He's not good enough." without getting into the reasons behind those answers. Is he a different religion, race or culture? Does he have significantly more or less money than your family? Does he treat you well? Is there a big difference in your ages?

Are your parents controlling or manipulative? If so, this is probably the same thing that will happen no matter who it is. Are you old enough to get married without your parents consent? Are you willing to go through with the marriage if you parents refuse to come? If it means having to deal with your parents being rude to him or the possibility of not seeing your parents after you are married?

What do your friends think of him? Do they like him? Do you like his friends?

Take some time and think about both relationships as unemotionally as you can. But, unless you are very young, you need to decide who you will marry, not your parents but understand all of the possible consequences going into it.

Answer 2

I agree with the previous response this is 2007. If the relationship between your fiance and parents has always been rocky, why would getting married change anything? It sounds like your fiance can not do anything right from your parent's perspective. I think your parents are grasping at straws. Plus, you need to begin thinking of your fiance FIRST, he will be your husband soon, and if you expect to have any happiness, he will have to come first. The same goes for him.

Answer 3

Last time I checked it was 2007, not 1957, your boyfriend does not have to ask for your hand in marriage. It is not showing a lack of "respect"...your parents just need to get with the fact things aren't like that anymore...

Poor guy is gonna have a mother in law from hell....you better appreciate him all the more for still wanting to marry you knowing what that side of the family is going to be like.

Answer 4

My husband never asked my father for my hand in marriage. You want to know why? My hand is not my father's right to give. We have been married 7 years and have had a very happy marriage. My husband respects my parents.

Your parents are trying to manipulate you. Don't fall for it.

Oh, and congratulations on your up coming marriage!

Answer 5

your parents dont want you to marry him, WHY? what DID he do? the asking the dad thing is just an excuse they are making...
dont marry him unless your parents ok it