My life is a complete disaster. What is possibly left for me?

Question

I AM GETTING READY TO BE 26 YEARS OLD. I AM MARRIED AND HAVE A 6 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER. MY LIFE OVER THE PAST 5 YEARS HAS DEFINETELY BEEN AN ITERESTING ONE! I FEEL THAT I HAVE RUINED IT IN SO MANY WAYS. LET ME EXPLAIN:

I AM ABSOLUTELY BROKE! I AM GETTING READY TO LOSE MY HOUSE AND MY CAR. MY CREDIT SCORE IS A 400 AND MY LIFE IS IN SHAMB LES. MY PHONE IS RINGING OFF THE HOOK FROM PEOPLE I OWE MONEY TO. I AM ASHAMED TO LOOK AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR. I WANT TO RUN AWAY. FAR FAR AWAY AND START A NEW LIFE, BUT MY HUSBAND WILL NOT DO THAT. HE WANTS TO STAY WHERE WE ARE AND GRIN AND BEAR IT. I LOVE MY HUSBAND VERY MUCH, BUT I CAN'T STAY HERE ANYMORE. AM I WRONG FOR WANTING A NEW LIFE? I FEEL THAT I AM RUINING MY DAUGHTERS LIFE BECAUSE I AM SO DEPRESSED AND DOWN ALL THE TIME. I KNOW THAT GETTING A FRESH START SOMEWHERE NEW WOULD BE GREAT.

HOWEVER, I DO NOT WANT MY DAUGHTER TO GROW UP WITHOUT HER FATHER EITHER.

WHAT DO I DO?

WHAT IS POSSIBLY LEFT FOR ME IN THE WORLD?

Answer 1

First, make an appointment to speak with a counselor about your depression. You can't run away from depression & you need to get that under control.

Second, make an appointment with a credit counselor. They can help you get your debt under control & get the creditors off your back.

Third, look at your daughter & think about what her life would be like if she had a depressed mother & no father. You don't want that for her.

Get a grip and make some good decisions for your daughter. You can do this!

Answer 2

Well for starters do you still love your husband? I'm sorry to tell you this but you can't just run away from your problems. The only thing is if you left the country but that's not going to be good for your daughter. For starters I know from experience your bills don't go away but you do have time before they try to take you to court. You gotta work hard. Maybe get two jobs ..have your husband get two jobs. Maybe move into something a lot cheaper or if you have family to move in with do that. Look for a roomate. You can place adds in Universities and in the paper. Ever thought about becoming a stripper? May not sound great but it is a way to make a lot of money right away. You don't have to wait two weeks for a pay check. You can also work when you want and how long you want. Just a suggestion. If things are so bad that you can't afford to take care of your daughter see if you can have a family member or friend take care of her while you get back on your feet. Sell your car fast. It's better to sell your car than to have them take it away. Find jobs that are within walking distance. You can also go on medicaid if youre not making ends meet. Food stamps are an option too. Also you gotta get out of that depression stage. You need to think about your daughter and your not being far to her. Just because your going through a rough time doesn't mean she needs to be experiencing it the same way you are. Your daughters at an age where she is learning everything from you so you need to be a good role model. I've been there before I didn't have anything. I became a dancer and at first was only making enough to get my bills straight. Once that happened I started to profit. I was completely uncomfortable at first, but it's different then what people think. I'm in complete control. If I don't like the way someone is treating me I can move on to someone else. I flash for three minutes and make twenty dollars every time. I've been doing it for two years and I now make over a hundred dollars an hour. I just bought a new Lexus. I have a nice apartment. I just planned a trip for my boyfriend and I to go to Puerto Rico. We went to Disney World last year. I'm back in school and studying to be a doctor. We're having a blast. I don't regret anything I do. I hope whatever you chose to do works out for the best. Hope this helped some.

Answer 3

So far, all I see is financial problems. It's just money. It is not your whole life.
I know exactly what you are talking about, tho. I remember at 26, feeling old, abused, broke, and fat. I had just had a baby that my DAD had to pay for, my husband was unemplyed and I was 130 lbs --OMG!
(We went to work for my dad, and soon we were on our way to making a living, and my son is now 32 years old.)
The answer is to stay-not quit and run off. That is what a coward does. A coward is not a good thing, because you don't LEARN anything from it, You hurt innocent people and just have a temporary fix. Kind of like being a drunk.
The answer is to dig into YOURSELF. You are way depressed and feeling hopeless.

You love your child and you love your husband. You are WAY ahead of the game right there.
The first thing I would do, is sit down and make a list of all the things in your life to be grateful for.
I am grateful for my daughter,
I am grateful for the love of my husband.
I am grateful I am sane enough to recognize my problems.
ETC
Go until you are exhausted.
Go to the doctor and get some anti-depressants. YOU can't afford NOT TO!! (you might have post-partum blues-still!!!)At least, exercise everyday-it will make you feel immediately better.(walking is great!)
Go ahead and lose your house and if you must, your car. You'll get more. Quit answering the phone. Don't look in the mirror.
Go to work ! Walk dogs for a living, make beds in a motel, be a waitress or mow lawns-stuff envelopes, or type--. ANYTHING to bring in money, and help.
Your husband is doing th right thing. He has a lot of courage, and he is trying to hold his family together. He needs your help, not for you to disintegrate while he is struggling.
You are not exactly wrong-you are just throwing away your whole life because your FINANCES are a mess-other stuff -the important parts--are working!!!!!!(the baby with the bath water-so to speak)
You don't think you would ruin your daughter's life if you ran off? I know a woman whose mother did that,and she STILL has abandonment problems, anxiety disorder and more. My mother DIED when I was 6 and I was a mess for many years. (cancer)
You will not get a fresh start anywhere, because you are taking your biggest problem WITH you. YOu can get healthy and productive right here with your family intact or you can move somewhere and be healthy and productive and leave SCARS....
Please get some help honey-it is SOSOOOOsimple to get help for depression. YOu will be amazed.
You have a 6 year old little girl to live for-to teach how to be a woman. How to be happy and healthy and loving. How to get through hard times together and be better/stronger/closer for it.
You can do this...e-mail me pls

Answer 4

Honey, I know you don't want to hear this but you cannot run from your problems. I tried that and I am a lot older than you. It didn't work. Your problems do not go away. I know how depressed you must be because I am going thru it also but try to hang in there and be happy. You have a daughter and she is the most important thing in the world. Bills are bills. Did you get a consult from a lawyer on bankruptcy? Did you speak to your mortgage company? What could happen? You lose your house - it is happening like crazy all over the country today. People make financial mistakes all the time. You are 26 and there is lots of life left for you. Your husband is right - stick it out and do what you can. Many people have gone thru financial ruins and survived. It is scary - but you will make it. An attorney could explain your options - look for an attorney who will do a free consult for you. Please hang in there for your daughter and husband. Lots of times young people go thru hard financial times but they do make it. Are you working also - or is there a way for you to get a job? This will pass and you will hopefully come out wiser and stronger. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

First of Congratulations on marrying a level headed, responsible, and sensible man. He is willing to face the world head on and his strength is you and your daughter. Next, you are so young. You should find a good job and help yourself and your husband to maintain a happy home for your child. Only then you will come accross as a strong role model for your child. You will also prove to your daughter that you spoke truth at the altart and stuck by your husband during the really down time in your life. Get up and smile. Give your husband a hug. Once you are in control, you will be able to accept your life and make it simple. You think that escaping will make your life better???? You think your daughter is a fool not to observe all this and get affected. Do you think any other man will provide the security your husband provides for both of you? After running away from the situation will your family and friends respect you? After all this, you think your life will become automatically better?????

First, stop thinking about dumping your husband. Count all the blessings you have in your life. More than being 26 years old and feeling too young and helpless, remember that you are a mother, the strength of the family. It is selfish and utterly shameless to think of breaking everything up and ditching your life partner.

You have clearly expressed that you are in love with your husband, he is brave enough to face all the problems, and that you want your daughter to grow up with her father. When you have written all your wishes so clearly, then what is your problem. I guarantee you that if you stick with your husband today, it will pay you very well in your aging days. Your daughter will become a strong and confident person. Just become a little clear in your thoughts.

She is only 6. First give her some peace and quiet. Give her happiness and love. More than money and comforts she needs love of her parents and only that keeps her going. Do not break her little heart, you owe this marriage to her. Think Straight.

Good Luck.

Answer 6

Oh wow, sounds like you are really stuck! Well ok, you want to move but the hubby wants to stay. Maybe there is just something missing in your life right now that makes you FEEL like running away would be the best thing. I know you are feeling down cuz of your debt and all that. But being you cant really pick up and leave right now, I think you need to sit down and figure out what is wrong in your life and think of ways to go about fixing it one step at a time. In your case, I think you should get your husband involved too.

For instance, maybe call a debt consolidation place. They are realy good at helping you get rid of some of your debt faster than you would alone. And maybe you losing your job is a good thing. It will give u a chance to find a new job that you never know...you might even enjoy more than your last job! Change of atmosphere is always a big help when it comes to jobs.

Sounds like you have a lot going on, you just need to pick up the pieces, one at a time.

Answer 7

First of all, calm down. Lots of people have been through this (including me - twice). There's a special place in Hell that is reserved for bill collectors - they know how to make us feel horrible.

1. Consider Chapter 7 bankruptcy - things can't get much worse and if you file now, you can keep your house and car. Look in the phone book and find a bankruptcy firm. Call today.

2. Look around for a counseling center that will see you on a sliding scale (or maybe even for free for a while). Get into some sort of counselor soon! If you are religious, go to your church for counseling.

3. Your life is not ruined! Even if you do lose your house and your car, you've still got your daughter. You are her rock and you need to pull it together for her. Many people say they would DIE for their children, but how many will LIVE for them?! If you can't find anything worth living for, just go look in her eyes. She needs you.

4. I think you need to sit down and talk to your husband when your daughter isn't around. Find out why he wants to stay where you are and present your argument to him about why you want to leave. If you HAVE to leave, let him know that ending the marriage is on the table and he may have to choose between being with you and staying where you are now.

5. You can build your credit back up in time. Don't let people make you feel so bad. Also, don't let the voices in your head say bad things to you. You have not failed, the world has not come to an end and you will get through this. There is life on the other side of all crises!

Take a hot bath, take a walk, sit outside for a half an hour, write a letter to those who have wronged you and then burn it, take 10 deep breaths... Take time for YOU.

You have the whole world and your whole life in front of you!!! Hang in there and take baby steps to make things better!!!

Good luck! :)

Answer 8

Poor communication and financial issues are the downfall of more than half of all marriages. That said, it's not too late for you.
Caller ID is a wonderful invention that can let you choose when and who you talk to on the phone. Don't let any collector talk down to you or belittle your self worth. Both you and your husband need to see a credit counselor and maybe a lawyer if you want to keep the house.
There are many non profit organizations that can help. *
It is important for your daughter to have a positive male and female role models. If this can be done in a loving home with both parents, that is best. If not it's better to be in a loving home.
Been there and don't need any more of the T-shirts.
Best of luck to you all!

Answer 9

Once upon a time - there was a woman who decided to take charge of her life (ie she divorced her control freak husband) and after that she was in debt to eyeballs, depressed, had two girls to raise and she didn't know what to do and felt like her life was in shambles. She was only 26 and had married at 17 - she just couldn't see making her life getting better.

Then one day she woke up - determined to take charge of her life! She dusted herself off, worked her butt off to pay off her debt, happened upon a great man and now lives happily ever after.

The only person who can take charge of your life is YOU - there is a huge difference you can make in your own life if you take charge! Being depressed does nothing - and all your daughter will see is a quitter. Roll up your sleeves and put on your big girl panties and DEAL! I don't want to sound harsh - but I've been there, done that, and refuse to wear the T-shirt! You have to decide what in your life is important - and running away is not the solution! Look around you - do you have an education? if not - get one. Can you pinch some more pennies - start pinching harder! Got a job? get one - or get another one! You are the only person in charge of your life.

Answer 10

Wait til tomorrow and things will get better...they always do! When things cannot get any worse, sometimes they do...but eventually things will turn around...believe me! You need to answer the phone and deal with the creditors. No one is going to kill you because you owe them money! You have to sit down, figure out how much money you need to live on..then start chipping away at your debts...little by little it will get better. The creditors have no choice but to accept anything that you can pay. So what if you lose your house and car...you will get others later. You need to start somewhere...even if you just send each person 5.00 a month! Hope this helps...I've been there! Good luck!

Answer 11

You're broke, just where is it you think you are going to go that is any better? You can't run away from your problems, you have to face them. Do you want to teach your child to run away from problems? So you've made some bad choices, we all have! You can send $5 a month to your creditors and keep them off your back. Are you working? If not you need to get a job so you can take care of your debts. Sell the house if you own it so it doesn't get foreclosed on. You guys need to pull together as a team! Contact churches, sometimes they are willing to help out. You just have to pick yourself up and dust yourself off and go on. Try to make better choices. Things won't always be so bad, you just have to hang on til you can make it better! Watch or read the book the secret and see if that helps also. Best of luck!