Im scared if he finds out about it hell want to get back together, but ive been with him for 3 years and there was never a change...advice....?
2007-06-06 08:40:18 · 17 answers · asked by hovamami 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Stay away from him. Get a stable situation set up for you and your unborn child - a place to live, a job, good prenatal medical care. Lean on family, friends and church and stay safe.
You owe it to yourself and to your unborn baby to stay away from this abusive man! You're right - he will NOT change. So you MUST.
Go buy the novel REINVENTING THE WOMAN, read it, take it to heart. Move forward for yourself and your child and NEVER look back.
You CAN do this! From one old survivor - to a new survivor (that's YOU) - it's gonna get better. It can be done on your own. Trust Jesus, trust your instincts and trust the friends and family you are certain you can depend on. Stay strong.
2007-06-06 08:48:11 · answer #1 · answered by Marvelissa VT 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT GO BACK TO HIM EVER. Never never never.
Do not let him find out you are pregnant, if possible. If any of your friends are friends with him, cut yourself off from them. Find out who your true friends and family are, and only let them in your life from now on.
You will also probably want to talk to a lawyer briefly to see what you are legally required to do.
You need to think about whether you want to keep the baby. If you are emotionally and financially prepared for a child, you will probably want to keep the baby. If you aren't, you might really want to consider giving the baby for adoption. Decide if the baby will have better chances with you or with another set of loving parents.
This situation is going to cause you to have to make some really big decisions since it is no longer just about you any more... it is also about your baby. Decide who you trust and can count on 100%. Then talk to a lawyer if possible. You might have to get some sort of court order if your boyfriend is abusive and won't be a good father.
Good luck to you and your baby.
2007-06-06 15:52:14 · answer #2 · answered by betty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are your beliefs on pro-life/pro-choice, etc? I'm sure that will weigh heavily in your decision.
First of all, props to you for getting out of a bad situation. I know how difficult it is to follow through with it, especially after several years together. I left my emotionally abusive husband when our son was 11 months old, because I decided if I was going to do something about it, I needed to do it before our son was old enough to remember the negativity he was surrounded with.
Keep in mind, that no matter what happens, having this child will bind you to this man for the rest of your life. But that does NOT mean he needs to be a part of this child's life! A clean break is always best in abusive relationships, but I know people who have tried to hide their pregnancies and then their children from their biological father, and the results can be catostrophic. If you're strong enough to leave him, you are BEYOND capable of being a great mother.
I would recommend taking your time in this decision. The first trimester (three months) of pregnancy are pretty risky, so I wouldn't say it is urgent to tell your ex right away. Confide only in your closest friends and family for now, no one that he will be continuing to communicate with.
Take care of YOURSELF and this baby. Don't allow yourself to get in any bad situations and try not to be alone. It wouldn't hurt to seek a restraining order, just document your reasons for wanting one and don't hesitate to contact the authorities... Have the police been called before where there is a record of his actions? You don't have to include your pregnancy in the reasons for wanting the order for protection. Again, very proud of you for getting out of this situation and don't let your hormones lead you back into trouble! My thoughts are with you. Good luck.
2007-06-06 15:56:57 · answer #3 · answered by Jewels 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I cannot begin to imagine this situation.
He is likely to find out, but that doesn't mean you have to get back together with him. If he won't take No for an answer, please do yourself and your baby a favor and get a restraining order! He could cause some serious harm!
This is a network of centers that help women through tough pregnancies- I'm sure they can help you too. http://www.pregnancycenters.org/advantage.asp
Stay strong!!! I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and you can email me any time!
<3 Kelsey
2007-06-06 15:51:55 · answer #4 · answered by Kelsey H 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thank goodness you left him. Great instincts.
In your case I think you have absolutely no obligation to tell him, but do document any past behavior in case any type of custody thing ever comes up. Even have trusted others do this with you if there was never a police report or restraining order.
2007-06-06 15:47:57 · answer #5 · answered by lillilou 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NEVER, EVER, EVER Contemplate getting back together with someone abusive. You and your child will be better off.
This is a good reason to keep a secret.
2007-06-06 15:49:44 · answer #6 · answered by james h 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say this....but either abort the baby..give it up for adoption, or find famiy who would support and understand. and help u out...those are your options...but involving him anytime soon, is NOT an option. U finally got out, now run, far and fast. Congrats on both the split and the pregnancy, but do whats best for you and baby in the long run.
2007-06-06 15:49:01 · answer #7 · answered by tw9165 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Thank God. He gave you the strength to leave him and for the wonderful gift you now have. Going back to him is only going to put you, and the baby in danger.
2007-06-06 15:48:26 · answer #8 · answered by Alex B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you decide to do w/the baby.. dont go back to him..EVER! If you do decide to keep the baby its not a good idea bringing it into that kind of enviroment.
2007-06-06 18:43:16 · answer #9 · answered by fosho22 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you could handle it on your own, do that. You don't want him around you while your pregnant and you don't want him abusing your child. If you don't want to go it alone check out adoption. whatever you do don't resort to abortion. There are lot's of resources out there to help you. Good luck sweety.
2007-06-06 15:50:55 · answer #10 · answered by Preggers w/#1 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋