My Husband takes work calls after hours?

Question

Hi. Im a confident person, and have no inseciruties, or so i thot, until i realised my husband takes work calles wayyyy after he finishes work, like 6pm, and 8pm. He is a computer technician, and he works aroun schools, he gets calls from female teachers, 2 in particular. One woman, he doesnt even go to the school, she's married but still calls him. He thinks im making a big deal out of nothing. And the other calls for computer questions, which she can ask at work. Am i over reacting by asking him to switch his phone off in the evenings?

He doesnt get paid for after hour calls.

Answer 1

His got some cheek to say you're over reacting, iwould never letmy man take work calls after hours. Make him understand, because you dont wanna be unhappy everytime you share your time with other women.

Answer 2

There is a saying that goes..."Keep your friends close and your enemies closer". In this case, wouldn't you rather that the phone was on, and he have the conversations in front of you rather than out-of-range where you can't be sure what's being said? However, out of respect for you and your relationship and your home, he should limit his work calls to "work hours". But also he may be in a job that doesn't really have "down time". If he's on-call and must tend to the issue, then he just must and you are going to have to deal with it. But if he is able to turn the "office" off at a certain time, then instead of asking him to kill the phone, ask him to let these teachers know that his hours are from, for example, 8 am - 6 pm unless an absolute emergency. and if it's a school and no one is there, then there can be no emergency. Good luck.

Answer 3

Well if it is part of his job to be on call then absolutely.

But then if he is just on the phone for a few minutes and its just general banter and problem solving (i.e.) he is going in the other room to talk then then yeah.

I would be concerned if he was on the phone for hours every night including weekends.

Most teachers are female so it makes sense that these 2 are. And he should be allowed to have friends regardless of sex. If thats all it is and all he says it is then let it go.

As a side note, I get after hours calls on my personal cell which I definately do not get paid for. And everyone I work with and for is male. Most of the time I feel it could have waited until the next day, but it doesn't bother me. Quite frankly being accesible gives you a reputation and a good person to work with-that's very helpful down the road.

Answer 4

Over reacting? Maybe/Maybe not, but what is most important is how these calls make you feel. Unless his job requires him to be on call 24/7. Then he should turn his phone off! I once worked at a job that was 40 miles away, and was on call 24/7 unless I was on vacation. I received calls all hours of the night, many a time I would have to leave home just to be there 5 minutes and come home. I got paid from the time I was called to the time I got home, so the money was not an issue.
How my wife's feelings were effected was the issue. For her I quit a 75K/Yr job with good benefits. "Not because she told/asked me to, but because it was having adverse affects on her. I found another job 1 week later making nearly the same. But it was relationship changing for us. We get along better, and enjoy each others company alot more than we did a few years ago.

He should put you (1st) first, before any job, or another person. Especially another woman.

Answer 5

It depends . . . I know that some areas of computer work require "on call" times for techs. Many systems update and do other things after the close of business. If problems arise during the night ... it is sometimes critical that they have the system up and running at once.

I would draw the line at the woman calling who's system he does not "service". And I would draw the line at the woman calling with questions that could be answered during business hours.

It may not be a "big deal" to hubby ... and it may be as he says. However, if you love somebody it is not an unreasonable request to tell him to knock it off if he doesn't have a plausible work related reason to answer these calls. If it makes you feel uncomfortable .. .that should be enough for him.

IF he has to have the phone on ... let him leave it on ... let the call go into voice mail and then have him check voice mail to see if it something that can wait until the morning.

Answer 6

Yes and No!

You may be being a bit paranoid over the situation but there again it might be justified.

I cannot imagine what computer problems would arise out of hours when the schools are shut.

His phone should have caller ID, so do not tell him to switch it off just ask him not to answer their calls after hours.

If he says that it might be important remind him that it is after hours, he is not being paid for answering these questions and there should be nothing that can wait till the morrow

Answer 7

Just let him know that it's a concern of yours seriously and you need a better reaction other than you're over reacting. Ask him if he could meet these people, just meet them see how they react to you. Be very nice to them i'm sure they also may be very nice people. You can usually tell if there's anything between them how they react together with you there. If not, let him know he needs to answer any questions you ask him and also mention that you want to know why he never seems to take these calls when he's around you. Or does he? It really doesnt seem like anything is going on. Once someone knows someone who knows a lot about computers they become REALLY REALLY dependant upon them. Trust me i know. I do tech support and i even get customers calling my cellphone (i rarely if ever give it out), but i take the call no matter where i am and try to help them whether i'm with my wife or not. He doesn't seem like he's hiding anything. Give it a shot.

Answer 8

You must determine whether these are business calls or "personal". Sometimes they are a little bit of both. Many of us do take calls way after hours because that is the nature of some businesses. There is often times a touch of "personal" discussions in a "business" conversation but I think this is harmless. The issue is whether he is (or would) cross a certain line that you establish. You must explain what your parameters are. Some men like to flirt, but leave it at that. Others flirt because they are looking to develop something more. Which one is it? You had better ask him and perhaps have a conversation with the woman as well, but in a nice, polite way. Here's a tip: aim to be friendly with his female friends which will keep you "in the loop" about what is really going on.

Answer 9

I don't think you are over reacting. Usually when you suspect something, something is going on. If he won't shut his phone off, call her yourself and tell her you would prefer she didn't call your husband after work, he isn't getting paid for business questions after his working hours. Anything she needs to ask him can be asked during working hours. If she doesn't want to honor your request, you can be sure something fishy is up. You have the right as his wife to know who he is talking to and what is being talked about especially with other women. If he respects your feelings he will stop this behavior.
This is suspicious behavior, nothing wrong with you for feeling that way. Any spouse feels jealousy if they think the other may be cheating. You have the right to check out his email too, whether he thinks so or not because a lot of on line affairs are going on right under the other spouse's nose, right in their own homes.
Cheaters always try to make you think you are insecure and they always say 'it's nothing' make him prove it's nothing. Make him put them on speaker phone when they call so you know it's nothing. Every time they call. If he isn't cheating he won't mind doing it. If he is he will put up a big fuss, he wants his privacy, and that is BS.

Answer 10

This is a tough one, is he trying to hide the phone calls? Does he talk to them while you are in the room? And does he leave to go attend to the calls? If so, there may be a problem, however, if you are communicating and completely happy you won't have to ask him to switch off the phone, talk to him, find out if there is something he is unhappy with work with that, the more you fight him about the phone the more he will do it, you have to uncover anything that might be damaging the relationship.

Answer 11

Yeah, maybe so.
My man is IT too. I hate it, too. I hate having to stop whatever we are doing so he can take a call. But, he's good at what he does, so he gets the calls.
Don't worry about females. It speaks more to your insecurity than any straying. Be glad that he has a good job, that he's good at it, and is working to make sure the wife he loves has a secure future.
Keep a book or game handy, take a deep breath, and occupy yourself while he takes calls.
I don't think it would be out of line, however, to ask him to set some kind of reasonable limits on calls so that you can plan on having family time.