What do you think about this thriller opening...?

Question

Grains of sand trickled into the gully as an arid wind whistled in from the trackless wastes of the desert. The sun was setting, but still its merciless heat blazed down onto the little vegetation. A lizard paused in the long shadow of a single blade of grass, sensing something, or someone, unwanted.

Crack! A shot from an English-man’s pistol split the air, and a deafening silence descended in its wake. It was a waste of lead, but the tall figure draped in black didn’t care. Why should he? He could go where he wanted to in less time then it took to blink his cold, lifeless eyes.


It's supposed to be about 200 words, but this in only 106, how could I add to it - may be another paragraph but it has to stay thriller-ish with suspense in it.

Ideas please and feedback!
Lorna

Answer 1

If you had said you wanted a whole story I would have wrote one, but that's not what you asked for originally. I just edited what you had wrote yourself.

Answer 2

There's no suspense at all in it. I personally don't anticipate what's going to happen and it doesn't frighten me. I think you're more worried about numbers of words rather than the meaning the words convey. Sit back, picture a scene in your head, let it move as in a video. Let it take its own course and THEN describe it. All good writers, like all good artists and musicians, have a vision of their work in their minds before the actually creation.