Is it too late to form new friendships. Im 20 and very depressed.?

Question

None of this is an exaggeration. Its the truth and im sick of my life.

Im feeling very lonely and feel like im in a ruck and dont know how to get out. Im 20 with only one friend. She doesnt seem to want to do anything. she is really boring and never seems to do what i want to do ie going to the pictures, and she isnt allowed to go out at night. I want to go clubbing, like other people do and let my hair down, but she is not the type to do this. All we ever do is go to the nearby shopping arcades or go to her house, and it bored me to death. She is a nice girl, but she doesnt seem to be allowed to do much.

I feel that i will never make any friends now. I see other people of my own age talking about what a great night they had with their friends and i end up going very quiet. Is it too late now? I try talking to people, saying hello and trying to act pleasant but it doesnt go any further than that.

I am really fed up with everything. My mom said i would probably make friends..

at work, but would they bother with me. If they find out i have no friends, they will think im weird. People can be nasty.

and i have no boyfriend either. both of my cousins have boyfriends. One of my cousins is engaged. Im the only one still left on the shelf.

Well, i have been to university which is full of different people, but i didnt make any solid friendships. I spoke to people, they were pleasant enough but thats where it ended. I feel too shy to go somewhere on my own. Its easier said than done. I cnat find the confidence within me, and im not confident around boys. I really want a boyfriend.

to be quite honest, i dont want to get in touch with anyone from school it wasnt a good experience. People were nasty to me and were not true friends, so i want nothing to do with them.

Im from Birmingham.

Answer 1

you sound just like me....


except i am almsot 22 and have been like this for years...


eventually you get numb to the pain....


cheer up...

Answer 2

Hi-
totally know how you feel sometimes!

Don't worry too much- there are lots and lots of ways to get out of the rut you are pretty much undoubtedly stuck in.

Don't just rely on the one friend you have - for all you know she may be at lots of excellent parties all the time and just doesn't invite you (joking)- but maybe you shouldn't criticise her at all as she has been there for you as a friend.

You will make other friends- you are ONLY 20!!! You will meet a boyfriend and you will meet people who are nice and pleasant to you after you are nice and pleasant to them. Many will want to be your friend.

Making friends isn't easy, with competition from the internet, television and even the radio. However remaining true to yourself whilst accepting the ways of other people will be a sure way to have close companions.

It has worked for me, well it partially has :) You can make great people through common interests. Maybe go the cinema and speak to the people collecting tickets briefly about work etc, or bring up the topic at work. It isn't that easy to make friends, but you will do. A good start would be going out with your other friend and together meeting new people, possibly at the cinema or night club or wherever.

Answer 3

It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you are not.

I'm now 25, I was in a very similar rut when I moved to Cali, a few years ago. I had no friends and never clicked with the people I had met. I had to evaluate "me" and ask myself why? Well I found out the barriers I had up surely weren't helping. I had to take them down, quit the "hard" act, start being "nice", and find out who I really was. I realized everyone has alone time once and a while. And sometimes you have to move on from past relationships you grow out of. Find hobbies YOU like. Try something new. Be happy with you, don't change to make friends, eventually you will open yourself up to meeting new HEALTHY people! Keep smiling and good luck to you.

Answer 4

awwwww. this sounds serious. im 22 and felt this way a couple of years ago. I met my partner a year ago, and made a couple of really great friends through my job. Is there noone u r in touch with from school? I kept in touch with one school pal and we are still mates 11 years down the line. Ul be surprised were ul make friends that u have things in common with, keep up hope because i bet in a couple of months everything will be different!! and ul be abit happier. I have now a partner i love and at least 4 good pals plus aquintances i can call upon. I never thought that would be the case when i was twenty. Things change. good luck!!

Answer 5

It's never too late to form new friendships. Throughout the course of your life you will encounter new people all the time, some of these people you might have so much in common with, and some you will not. But that doesn't matter, as long as you have a connection with someone you can become their friend. Be outgoing ask questions, ask them what they like to do, if it's something you like too suggest you go out next time and do that thing together. It's all about keeping an open mind, and being friendly and aproachable.

Answer 6

There's no age limit on making friends. You just need a bit of confidence in yourself, as you sound really down in the dumps. The best way to make friends is through work and common interests. Your mum is right. Don't be afraid to get involved with people. You sound like a nice person who just lacks confidence. If you take up a hobby, something you enjoy and focus on that first and foremost, you will become happier. People are drawn to happy people. Hopefully you will make friends from there. In the meantime, why not suggest a couple of drinks after work to your colleagues one evening? After a drink you will more likely relax and begin to enjoy yourself.

Answer 7

don't get depressed!

It is NEVER too late to make friends. It sounds like you need a little self confidence. You have to realize that your life is what you make of it! If you don't like sitting around doing nothing then get up and go!!

I know it is not easy to try new things especially when it is by yourself but we all have to be brave sometime.

Some suggestions.... To meet people your own age... try taking a class at your local community college. Pick a class on something you enjoy, photography, astronomy, drama..., there will be people your age there and chances are if they are in the class they like the subject too. LOOK you already have one thing in common! or if you like sports go to the YMCA and join a team.

Don't be afraid to reach out to those at work too. They don't know that you have only one friend. or if they do then they have the great honor of being #2! Sit with the group at lunch offer some comments in the discussion.

Just build up a little courage and be yourself! As far as boyfriends you will find that as you meet new people they will introduce you to even more people this means guys too. Who knows that next friend you make could introduce you to your hubby to be!!! Good Luck!!

Answer 8

Everyone goes through this. You are at a great age, you should be going out having fun clubs, shopping, etc.. I think you need to get out there. I would not give up on your friend but, I would not make her life mine. I think you should make some friends at work first. Join some clubs (things you like to do) I am sure your calender will soon be filled. Ask what people are doing for the weekend? If they are going to a club find out the info on it and get yourself an invite. If you are shy and quite how do they know you would like to join them. Get out there and have some fun...

Answer 9

1. It is NEVER too late to make friends. EVER.

2. Your depression is the PROBLEM, not the symptom of your lack of friends. Depression does not attract people to you, but rather it repels it. Discuss this problem with your doctor and have them refer you to a therapist. Eliminate the depression problem, and friends will be easier to make.

3. Get out there! If you want to make friends, you MUST get involved in activities that put you in contact with people that are similar to you. Think about what interests you. Then get involved with some volunteer work, join a club, take a class, or get actively involved with whatever you are interested in. You walk into a classroom or club full of people interested in what you are interested, and you have a ready-made conversation starter. Conversations are the beginning of friendships.

You can do it if you are willing to put in the effort. Good luck!

Answer 10

Hi, listen nightclubs are over rated. It's better to stay out of that scene because it can lead negative things into your life. Don't feel bad. I know it's hard not having many friends, but maybe it's because you haven't found the right people to connect to.

What are your interest? It doesn't matter how boring or wierd other people may think they are, other people share these interest. Whether it be knitting, jazz, photography... whatever your interest are, see if there is a local group or club in your community that you can join.

Another good way to meet people, and feel better about yourself would be to volunteer. Go to www.idealist.org here you can choose your city and state and find local organizations looking for volunteers. This is a great way to make friends and feel better about yourself at the same time.

Finally, my most important suggestion is to find a local church you feel comfortable in. I lead a young adults group in my church and it has been a great way to get 20-somethings to mix and mingle in a positive environment. If you go to yahoo groups you can look for local young adults groups. Get in touch with them. I beleive they will be waiting for you with open arms. Here are the links to some http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SABC-YAM/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SHPC_Young_Adults/

I wish you the best, you are in my prayers.
Feel free to contact me for more info.

Answer 11

You are only twenty and there is plenty of time for you to make Friends !.

You should keep your friend that you have but not solely rely on her for company.
Try joining a club or two, doing things that interest you, like a drama club or art club.

Don't be afraid of asking one of your cousins or workmates to let you tag along if they are going out for the night, and then you'll meet new people that way too, it'll be a good experience and let you see what going on ?.

My son was just like you, he had one real friend and i made him get himself out to clubs and karate and a performance centre in town, now he has a lovely girlfriend and lots of great friends and spends more time out the house than in, and if it can work for my son - Mr Shy, then it can work for you too :-)

Good Luck :-)